Re: Why Get Married?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
Marriage is not even a religious requirement in Islam. Then why all this fuss?
[/QUOTE]
buzz!!!!
u got it wrong beta jee....
I've had similar sentiments for the longest time. And I agree, its not wajib(obligatory) to get married for everyone. Lots of references in ahadith regarding that. (I can provide if anyone would like to see.)
People marry for different reasons, and I think for some people its best not to get married. I've met a few women that never married, aged 60 and even 92, and they dont regret never getting married. It's just not for some people.
I'm still debating it.
Re: Why Get Married?
last time i checked, ahaadeeth of Rasoolulah:saw: were opposite to this..
I don’t know how it slipped off the mind of all the people who replied? It is a requirement that a girl gets married 
As for the hadith, then from what I remember, it can be translated as:
"do not delay when:
- A janazah is ready for being burried
- for Nikah, when you have found a match
- … "
and there is a third one as well which I can’t recall at the moment
Allah-hu-Aalam
May Allah (S.W.T) enlighten us
Lemme find some ahadith that will support irem's statement. Will post soon. Insha'Allah. smile
I agree with the subject. I disagree with the sentiments shown in the thread, as they are illogical. The first is that people arent happy when they are married. I have seen many couples, people i consider close friends grow and become better and happier after getting married. One of my friends stopped smoking, drinking etc for his wife and he was a 2 packs a day smoker.
So people arent happy. Some are. Its the law of probability. The reason some may not be happy in our society is they have no choice in who they marry. That isnt the fault of marriage as an institution, but rather with the backward and narrow point of view of the families and society at large. Most of the people i know married by their own chosing and they are extremely happy. If you arent happy in your marriage its because you arent making it work. Simple.
The second point is that marriage is too big a responsibility. Next time tell that to your boss when he or she hands you a big project. It will cut into your leisure time. Time to spend with friends and watching your favorite drama. But there are some cases where you have to sacrifice. Marriage is the same. Irem the way you describe that people change in marriage you ignore the fact that you do the same for friends. You change to suit their moods. Worry about them and care for them during their time of need. Your family does that for you. But i guess those would be too much of a burden.
The main issue you have here is with force. You will be forced to do something you dont want to do. So who said do it? You are an independent person. Decide for yourself. You live with your family, its ok. But a word of advice from those who live alone. Nothing is more depressing than coming home to an empty house. If your in a dorm its something else. But solo all the time is something freud would love to see you for.
I am sorry if this harsh but i dont expect this level of stupidity from someone who i have heard is intelligent.
Finally!!! Thank you CM.
Closing ones mind to the idea of marraige is not right, infact unjust to yourself. No body has to get married for the sake of getting married. But when a compatible person comes along it is sheer folly to not strive to make things work just because you have been through or witnessed some bad marraiges and, because of that, made up your mind not to get married.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book al-Mughni: “Our colleagues differed as to whether marriage is obligatory. The best-known opinion in our madhhab is that it is not obligatory, except when a person is afraid of committing a forbidden deed if he does not marry. In that case he should make himself chaste (i.e. get married). This is the opinion of the majority of fuqahaa’
Taken from this site:
http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=1665&dgn=4
My comments: It is not obligatory on everyone, which is the majority opinion from what I have read. However it is suggested that if one has certain strong desires, then it becomes obligatory.
Re: Why Get Married?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
Why Get Married?
Why is getting married considered so necessary in our society? It is just automatically assumed that when you grow up you just have to get married and that's the only route to take in life.
- [/QUOTE]
Yes Irem, because it’s been fed into our minds that if you don’t get married by such and such age and have kids right away then – well I don’t know how to describe it.
I actually have an expression for it in my close circle – breeding like rats. Like, as if most desis in this age have the capability to propagate good Muslims. Buying good insurance for old age is far better.
By all means marry – but for companionship, for the most part – not to ruin lives (including your own) and deplete earth’s resources.
To get married or not to get married is the question my lord :-)
The answer is pretty simple. It is either a yes or a no..either way it’s a choice that one makes in life. Just like any other decision you weigh ur pros and cons and decide whether ur decision suits your personality or not. If it doesn’t then its not the end of the world…u just block society’s pressure and move on!
Regardless of a yes or a no...you ‘should not’ have any regrets later in life. The chances of having no regrets is minimum if you take charge of your life and make ur decisions yourself. Amma aba rishta to dhoondh he daitay hai..yaay or a naay is in your hands. I am glad that you are asking yourself this question…some girls just do what ami/abu tell them. Although, that is respectable to an extent but then chances of them regretting later is higher. Its easier to deal with the worst when you have no one to blame but urself.
There are a million and one 'what if' scenarios and a million and two fears and insecurities. The bitterness towards married ppl or kids is not justified…it is rather shallow, pathetic and immature. If you base your decisions by looking at the negative side of things then your decisions are biased and unfair not only with your loved ones but with urself as well.
Irem,
all i can say, I would like to get married only for one reason to live, love, care and share life with someone.
no one has to get married for the sake of it!
being single has its own plus ans minus, its the case of choosing what is right for you.
well I have read all your views and some of them quite convincing to me but some of them crap.
Anyways, To be survived in this male-dominant society..we are considered as a weak personalities.. so we have to seek a support. Well, sometimes I think it is the law of nature... I dont know??
Yes Shamila after reading your reply I see the crappy view too. Thanks for pointing it out. What kind of support are you talking about by the way? Financial, moral, which one?
uffho irem.. dont get married .. just marry me 
Re: Why Get Married?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
Why Get Married?
Marriage is not even a religious requirement in Islam. Then why all this fuss? The institution of marriage is way too overrated in our society.
[/QUOTE]
Says who?
One of the main reasons of your existance is the fact that your parents decided to get married. If they had put forward the same argument as you have and not gotten married, GUPSHUP would have been some 20,000 posts and a drama queen (:p) mod lighter, i.e. you would not have existed.
If you can truly appreciate and respect your own existance then you can also appreciate the fact that you exist as a direct consequence of a sacred act called marriage.
PS: Before any of you ask, all of the above does not apply to anyone who believes in having a litter of ba*tard kids.
SUrely i will marry… to fulfill my mother’s wish…
but marry whom??? that i don’t know
and marry the particulae person y??? that even i don’t know… 
Re: Why Get Married?
hmmmm
good topic for Disscussion ....
there was a time when meiN bhi tumari tarah sochti thee but now after marraige and having my own family every thing is changed :-) off course life is Not same , things are changed , realtionship with silbings are changed , we are even more close than before ... apni eik zindgi hai aab , and i dont have My problems now ...everything is shared and this feeling ke you have someone there for you is so nice ...I cant even think abt living alone now...Maa baap hamesha aap ke saath nahi rehtay aur zindgi meiN kabhi na kabhi shade kee zarorat zaror mahsoos hoti hahiN.
It is Sunnat " of our dear Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w.). A " holy " relation of " trust :) Marriage brings communities and families, closer n it is such a beautifull realtionship so No nagtive thoughts about shade okay ? :)
I support Irem's statement..
Marraige is not for everyone.. and I would include myself in it, for a number of reasons .. two major ones of which are
psychologically i am a solitary person. Marraige does not suit me .. or my life.
I am happy in my life.. and plan to keep it that way..
In addition i have seen too many bad marraiges in the recent years which basically reinforces my position..
and FF .. I am taking a positive step by choosing not to get married. your idea that it is a negative step .. is incorrect..
One has a choice to do .. or not do ..
But if i take your like of argument.. For me marraige is a negative step..
oh come on Irem you dont want to end up like Oprah. You'll have 3 dogs or 3 cats who you will end up giving all your love to. lol but she does say something interesting - kids are fine and great to have around, but at the end of the day its good to know that they will be leaving with their parents.
Humans are social beings!!
bz, that sounds awfully selfish to me.
i like what mehroo had to say.