:k:
btw is ur nick after the delicious red velvet cake? yum! 
No, itâs after red velvet ice cream from Maggie Mooâs. I actually like rasmalai better than red velvet cake.
My friends sister married a mama's boy, and well now she has a son and is divorced. Why you may ask? Because he would do whatever his mama would say, if the wife would want to have dinner out, he would ask his mom if he could go...I mean seriously? And most times the MIL would say kya zaroorat hai, itni raat hou gayee hai, ghar mein khaana pakwa lou us sey. Not only that, but whatever stuff she'd tell him, he'd go and discuss with his mother. And then his mother would come and talk to her about stuff she had told her husband. So it's not good to marry a mama's boy, you do need a man who is independent, can think for himself and his wife and kid, without needing your mother's approval for every little thing. Also the MIL would let her two younger sons do whatever, mainly because she had no control over them. But the other son, being the eldest, she tried and kept him in control, and in the end they had a divorce, because the MIL would always give taanay and one time even said, why are you with her, just divorce her, she doesn't do anything. The girl who is now divorced said that her husband was a wonderful man, but due to his mother's bad influence we ended up with a divorce. They even spoke to an imam saab about this, and he said it's best that you and ur wife move out, but the mother didn't let that happen, and started making him feel guilty blah blah!
Sick.
Re: Why don't women like Mama's Boys?
I do not know, i have only one son.
And my children are my life, i have given up everything for them. Am i going to wash my hand from them once they marry?
I have give them best part of my life, are they going leave us twilight of our lives alone with nothing but memories of them because our DIL needs her privacy?
Are they going to deprive us fun and enjoyment of company of our grand children (we did'n do it with our parents) ?
As old peoples does, we might be losing some of our mantel balance, thus becoming unreasonable at times. would they forget we also handled them with love and care when they were difficult child?
Now do you understand why, aunties prefers DIL from back home, even it might not work but they are hoping that DIL from back home might more willing accept duty of care towards old peoples.
May be I am selfish, but how about those one willing to leave us for new life?
Paindu Ji........you couldn't have picked a more fitting name.
Yes, it's possible that a mother-in-law is giving sound advice based on extensive experience. I never said that all MILS are toxic. But an intelligent person.....takes a few moments out to contemplate the advice given by others.
Before you get defensive......keep in mind that as much as we love our parents......there have been times when we question their beliefs and decisions. It's human nature. If it is natural for one to question the views of their own parents...........then it shouldn't be such a shock to see a DIL who is not blindly obedient to her MIL at all times.
There's no gunnah in taking some time out to reflect upon what another person is suggesting. For example, there have been some threads where girls have posted that their MILS don't allow them to visit their own parents. In such situations the son........instead of rushing to agree with his mom........should contemplate the situation:
Is my mom forbidding wife to visit her parents because there is some environmental danger (weather issues, safety issues)?
Is there an emergency in my wife's family? Does my mom have an emergency that she needs my wife to tend to? Has my wife been neglecting her marital responsibilities with excessive visits to her parents?
Is this a frequent restriction imposed by mommy? Is** my mommy's decision reasonable from a moral/human/Islamic perspective? Is it fair or reasonable? How would I feel in such a situation?**
IF we can think from various angles when it comes to other issues.......why not when it comes to our own families? That doesn't mean that the Momma's Boy has to be rude and lash out at his mom. But BLIND OBEDIENCE is neither natural nor wise. Keep in mind, that even some of the prophets (Ibrahim AS) went against their parents..........in order to find the right path.
Agreed. What i meant to say that sometimes the girls will not take advice from their MILs just because there is a certain notion that all MILs are evil. A woman feeling away from her parents and her home feels a bit of intimidated and sometimes outright rejects her MILs advice and opts to follow her own mothers. Im not saying that there is anything wrong in that, the girl has a right to do whatever she wants but it creates a diversion between DIL and MIL. It eventually leads to animosity. I don't know how all the girls feel about their MILS. But most girls are cynical about their MILs. As this threat suggest that the term "Mama's boy" is used to describe love and affection between a mother and her son. But this is double standards in my eye. Because if the DIL has a brother she would never want her brother to listen to her wife and God forbid if he did took his wife's side he would be labeled "Joru ka guhalm" etc.
Re: Why donât women like Mamaâs Boys?
Mommy knows best :k:
I do not know, i have only one son.
And my children are my life, i have given up everything for them. Am i going to wash my hand from them once they marry?
I have give them best part of my life, are they going leave us twilight of our lives alone with nothing but memories of them because our DIL needs her privacy?
Are they going to deprive us fun and enjoyment of company of our grand children (we did'n do it with our parents) ?
As old peoples does, we might be losing some of our mantel balance, thus becoming unreasonable at times. would they forget we also handled them with love and care when they were difficult child?
Now do you understand why, aunties prefers DIL from back home, even it might not work but they are hoping that DIL from back home might more willing accept duty of care towards old peoples.
May be I am selfish, but how about those one willing to leave us for new life?
emotional blackmailing...
I do not know, i have only one son.
And my children are my life, i have given up everything for them. Am i going to wash my hand from them once they marry?
I have give them best part of my life, are they going leave us twilight of our lives alone with nothing but memories of them because our DIL needs her privacy?
Are they going to deprive us fun and enjoyment of company of our grand children (we did'n do it with our parents) ?
As old peoples does, we might be losing some of our mantel balance, thus becoming unreasonable at times. would they forget we also handled them with love and care when they were difficult child?
Now do you understand why, aunties prefers DIL from back home, even it might not work but they are hoping that DIL from back home might more willing accept duty of care towards old peoples.
May be I am selfish, but how about those one willing to leave us for new life?
This is typical emotional blackmailing of kids, holding them back and depriving them of becoming total individuals. This ingrained mentality that your children owe you to take care of you is exactly the reason why they won't do it, they will resent you but you are too deluded to see this.
The only reason guys and their mommies go back to Pakistan is because the MIL cannot stand an independent women, she needs a slave to obey her every whim. The problem stems from the fact that the MIL is not inherently evil but a weak, dysfunctional woman herself who has pretty much done whatever has been told to her during her own lifetime, obey the parents, then obey the husband - the MIL in later stages of her miserable life feels compelled to control their sons as to justify to themselves that all those years of misery were actually right. The worse thing about this that is the cycle continues with sons who are really not men, they are timid, afraid little monkeys who do not know their left from right.
Someone said : "Mommy knows best" - good luck with that.
Desi's for the most part are highly dysfunctional group where the abnormal is the normal, codependency is seen as something to be cherished often justified in the name of familial ties. Girls are not any better, most will say yes to any chap that offers to marry them as long they can get out of the country. Others are just doormats or choose to be that way simply because it is easier to do so, while still others are drama queens and usually spend their entire lifetime going from one set of feelings to another, this often serves no practical purpose.
As long as this mentality continues the "goris" will steal all the good desi guys, and the desi girls will lement it. This is said in all sincerity not out of spite. I am a pakistani guy living in Canada, long ago I left my desi baggage behind (circumstances I will never reveal on a forum), it's just not worth it, life is too short for codependency, arranged marriages and supposed familial obligations.
emotional blackmailing...
You call it emotional blackmailing, but there are core family values which are dear to us.
Otherwise what is difference between marrying to gories, i am bringing a brown gori instead of white one?
We have done this for our parent till their last breaths, what is wrong expecting same with your own child?
I have 3 daughters, i can tell you it is my expectation from them to be good DIL, willing to take responsibility for their husband families.
Thanks god despite living out side Pakistan, Allah blessed them of both worlds as they are have a modern outlook, as well as very much family oriented person.
On other side if my son want to bring a selfish girl (a brown gori), who is or not willing to see beyond her own life then good luck to him.
This is typical emotional blackmailing of kids, holding them back and depriving them of becoming total individuals. This ingrained mentality that your children owe you to take care of you is exactly the reason why they won't do it, they will resent you but you are too deluded to see this.
The only reason guys and their mommies go back to Pakistan is because the MIL cannot stand an independent women, she needs a slave to obey her every whim. The problem stems from the fact that the MIL is not inherently evil but a weak, dysfunctional woman herself who has pretty much done whatever has been told to her during her own lifetime, obey the parents, then obey the husband - the MIL in later stages of her miserable life feels compelled to control their sons as to justify to themselves that all those years of misery were actually right. The worse thing about this that is the cycle continues with sons who are really not men, they are timid, afraid little monkeys who do not know their left from right.
Someone said : "Mommy knows best" - good luck with that.
Desi's for the most part are highly dysfunctional group where the abnormal is the normal, codependency is seen as something to be cherished often justified in the name of familial ties. Girls are not any better, most will say yes to any chap that offers to marry them as long they can get out of the country. Others are just doormats or choose to be that way simply because it is easier to do so, while still others are drama queens and usually spend their entire lifetime going from one set of feelings to another, this often serves no practical purpose.
As long as this mentality continues the "goris" will steal all the good desi guys, and the desi girls will lement it. This is said in all sincerity not out of spite. I am a pakistani guy living in Canada, long ago I left my desi baggage behind (circumstances I will never reveal on a forum), it's just not worth it, life is too short for codependency, arranged marriages and supposed familial obligations.
SOME OF US ARE NORMAL !!!
DONT LEAVE US TO DIE ON THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is typical emotional blackmailing of kids, holding them back and depriving them of becoming total individuals. This ingrained mentality that your children owe you to take care of you is exactly the reason why they won't do it, they will resent you but you are too deluded to see this.
The only reason guys and their mommies go back to Pakistan is because the MIL cannot stand an independent women, she needs a slave to obey her every whim. The problem stems from the fact that the MIL is not inherently evil but a weak, dysfunctional woman herself who has pretty much done whatever has been told to her during her own lifetime, obey the parents, then obey the husband - the MIL in later stages of her miserable life feels compelled to control their sons as to justify to themselves that all those years of misery were actually right. The worse thing about this that is the cycle continues with sons who are really not men, they are timid, afraid little monkeys who do not know their left from right.
Someone said : "Mommy knows best" - good luck with that.
Desi's for the most part are highly dysfunctional group where the abnormal is the normal, codependency is seen as something to be cherished often justified in the name of familial ties. Girls are not any better, most will say yes to any chap that offers to marry them as long they can get out of the country. Others are just doormats or choose to be that way simply because it is easier to do so, while still others are drama queens and usually spend their entire lifetime going from one set of feelings to another, this often serves no practical purpose.
As long as this mentality continues the "goris" will steal all the good desi guys, and the desi girls will lement it. This is said in all sincerity not out of spite. I am a pakistani guy living in Canada, long ago I left my desi baggage behind (circumstances I will never reveal on a forum), it's just not worth it, life is too short for codependency, arranged marriages and supposed familial obligations.
Said it like a Gora!
This is typical emotional blackmailing of kids, holding them back and depriving them of becoming total individuals. This ingrained mentality that your children owe you to take care of you is exactly the reason why they won't do it, they will resent you but you are too deluded to see this.
The only reason guys and their mommies go back to Pakistan is because the MIL cannot stand an independent women, she needs a slave to obey her every whim. The problem stems from the fact that the MIL is not inherently evil but a weak, dysfunctional woman herself who has pretty much done whatever has been told to her during her own lifetime, obey the parents, then obey the husband - the MIL in later stages of her miserable life feels compelled to control their sons as to justify to themselves that all those years of misery were actually right. The worse thing about this that is the cycle continues with sons who are really not men, they are timid, afraid little monkeys who do not know their left from right.
Someone said : "Mommy knows best" - good luck with that.
Desi's for the most part are highly dysfunctional group where the abnormal is the normal, codependency is seen as something to be cherished often justified in the name of familial ties. Girls are not any better, most will say yes to any chap that offers to marry them as long they can get out of the country. Others are just doormats or choose to be that way simply because it is easier to do so, while still others are drama queens and usually spend their entire lifetime going from one set of feelings to another, this often serves no practical purpose.
As long as this mentality continues the "goris" will steal all the good desi guys, and the desi girls will lement it. This is said in all sincerity not out of spite. I am a pakistani guy living in Canada, long ago I left my desi baggage behind (circumstances I will never reveal on a forum), it's just not worth it, life is too short for codependency, arranged marriages and supposed familial obligations.
Magnificent post!
I do not know, i have only one son.
And my children are my life, i have given up everything for them. Am i going to wash my hand from them once they marry?
I have give them best part of my life, are they going leave us twilight of our lives alone with nothing but memories of them because our DIL needs her privacy?
Are they going to deprive us fun and enjoyment of company of our grand children (we did'n do it with our parents) ?
As old peoples does, we might be losing some of our mantel balance, thus becoming unreasonable at times. would they forget we also handled them with love and care when they were difficult child?
Now do you understand why, aunties prefers DIL from back home, even it might not work but they are hoping that DIL from back home might more willing accept duty of care towards old peoples.
May be I am selfish, but how about those one willing to leave us for new life?
Please don't even start with this whole emotional blackmailing nonsense. What are YOU doing for your parents? When you got married, did you not want your privacy? Clingy and selfish parents like that are the ones who ruin their kids' live with their OCD behavior where they just cannot let go or even realize the boundaries especially when their kids are married. If you have raised your kids the right away, they WILL care for you and be there for you even if they are living a thousand miles away. You do not need to be jointed at the hip to your parents to be an obedient son/daughter.
And yes your DIL needs her privacy. Be understanding and respectful of that instead of turning your son and his wife's life hell just because you don't know when to let go. Yeah you have done so much for him but doesn't he deserve to live his own life too? It's beyond selfish to expect your kids to revolve their lives around you because you feel that they owe you so much. Oh and by the way, your DIL having her privacy or your son trying to live his life with his wife doesn't mean they are throwing you out of their lives. Even Islam encourages couples to have their privacy and there is NO obligation in our religion for daughter in laws to cook and clean and whatever for their inlaws, it's all cultural. Inlaws who expect their DILs to substitute for maids, please snap out of it. NOW.
No parents raise their daughters to be trained as servants for their husband's family. They have a life of their own, they aren't marrying your son to come take care of you because you're old. And to actually find your son a girl who will cook and clean for you is the height of selfishness. It's beyond sad how instead of looking for someone who will be compatible and a good partner to your son, the primary criteria is to get someone from back home who will come and live like a maid obediently. The most idiotic thing is when inlaws expect the bahus to treat them like her own parents but in return, they are mean and will NEVER treat her as their own daughter. If you have given everything up for your kids, I'm sure that girl's parents have given up alot for her too.. and definitely not so that she can be your personal 24 hour naukrani on duty.
are you single? 
Re: Why don't women like Mama's Boys?
^ :)
mama's boys are ANOYYING as helll!!! sachi mein
wasey balance is everything...overall I mean.
Put that in your signature 
Re: Why don't women like Mama's Boys?
Well, then it all comes down to what are "reasonable expectations" from children.
^ :)
mama's boys are ANOYYING as helll!!! sachi mein wasey balance is everything...overall I mean.
Mama mama, yes baby?
Beating My wife? No baby
Show me your hands, Ha ha ha
Please don't even start with this whole emotional blackmailing nonsense. What are YOU doing for your parents? When you got married, did you not want your privacy? Clingy and selfish parents like that are the ones who ruin their kids' live with their OCD behavior where they just cannot let go or even realize the boundaries especially when their kids are married. If you have raised your kids the right away, they WILL care for you and be there for you even if they are living a thousand miles away. You do not need to be jointed at the hip to your parents to be an obedient son/daughter.
And yes your DIL needs her privacy. Be understanding and respectful of that instead of turning your son and his wife's life hell just because you don't know when to let go. Yeah you have done so much for him but doesn't he deserve to live his own life too? It's beyond selfish to expect your kids to revolve their lives around you because you feel that they owe you so much. Oh and by the way, your DIL having her privacy or your son trying to live his life with his wife doesn't mean they are throwing you out of their lives..
Most parents dont expect and ask for much, never throw their sacrifices in your face. In my case a great part of my life does revolved around them, their wellbeing, their mental comfort, their happiness. I dont see my liofe as an island where I am making decisions which are good for me and others are a secondary consideration each time. I do see people around me and that they prioritize things differently, but thats not me. maybe that makes me a mamas or daddys boy but I feel that I have a responsibility towards them, just like I have a responsibility for my wife and kids and siblings, their wellbeing is important to me. someone being an individual does not mean being an island, there are different expressions of individuality.
I do not undertstand why ppl have so much drama in their lives. my parents live with me for extended periods of time, just this year they were with me for 5 months, no issue, yes you have to accomodate more, but its just like we had to alter things when we got married, or we had kids, or whaetver, just realizing that decisions have impact on other people too and to factor that in place, sometimes making different types of plans, altering activities, or what we do in free time etc etc.
but really, is that such a big deal?
and no, i do not believe I can care for my parents as well when they are a thousand miles away. not even close. as they become older, proximity is critical.
I am not trying to paint myself as some goody two shoes guy, but explaining that individuality does not mean that the collective has no value, I find my individuality as a key part of my family and friends. This was something that was established before begum and i got hooked up, and its not just for my folks, her folks can come and live with us for as long as they like or forever, the inconveniences that reduced personal space or factoring additional ppl impact on decisions is significantly outweighed by having their blessings with us and for our kids.
PS: and no my wife is not forced to or expected to do their laundry, clean their bathroom or their room, they manage, along with help from cleaning lady who comes in once a week and myself.
Re: Why don't women like Mama's Boys?
^For some peopel it is a big issue.