For a man, having a good relationship with his mother indicates that he respects women in general but talking a bit too much about your mommy and not having the ability to make decisions without your mommy 's approval when you’re 30+ might not be so healthy for your image in your future wife’s eyes.
Please discuss further.
Re: Why don't women like Mama's Boys?
I am sorry that this is irrelevent but If everyone wore the hijaab and prayed ..then surely that would BECOME the monoculture? It is just not making sense to me.
(in ref to ur sig)
Re: Why don't women like Mama's Boys?
Hareem, the biggest thing I think is that a woman wants to feel that she married a MAN. Not a boy, not a child. And many "mama's boys" cant make a move without their "mommy". What a HUGE turnoff that can be! I love my boys SOOOO very much. And I want to smother them with my love. And its so very hard but I have to give them independence too. I have to give them the confidence and the ability to care for themselves on their own and to want to be independent. Sure I would do everything and anything for them...but thats not good for them. I dont want them to be "mama's boys" in that sense....(as much as it breaks my heart lol)
Re: Why don't women like Mama's Boys?
I would never raise my son/s to be mama's boys. Sure, I'll be close to them, there for them if they need me but I will also train them well to manage on their own, love and care for their wife, and be independent.
If I want to, I can spoil them rotten for 23-24 years till they are unmarried, do everything for them but then it's their wife who will suffer for the rest of her life. I would never want that to happen, it will do nothing but cause problems between them, and it will be my fault.. and let's say, if his wife is not able to provide him with the same care and love, comparisons between mother and wife will be made which should never happen.
So for their future happiness, I hope I can raise my son AND daughter to function well on their own and keep a balance.
Re: Why don’t women like Mama’s Boys?
In Ref to Mamaof3’s post: Desi women don’t think like this. Hence why sensible men are all marrying gorian and the pool of sensible MEN willing to marry us lowly brown westernized working women is decreasing. 
So, we get the mamma’s boys.
For a man, having a good relationship with his mother indicates that he respects women in general but talking a bit too much about your mommy and not having the ability to make decisions without your mommy 's approval when you're 30+ might not be so healthy for your image in your future wife's eyes.
Please discuss further.
What decisions do you speak of? I agree though.
It's not JUST the inability to make decisions without mommy's approval that's off-putting..................more importantly it's the inability to look at issues in an objective manner that irks most women. And by that I mean.....the inability to realize that mommy is a human being and is not immune to making mistakes. The failure to see that mommy is not immune to jealousy and insecurity. The inability to realize that a mother and wife have different rights and places in a man's life ......and they can't be replaced by the other. They're too different to even be compared. It's the "My mommy is ALWAYS right, she's an angel, she can do NO wrong" that gets most women.
Re: Why don't women like Mama's Boys?
Yeah, its not like mother-in-law's wont do something to oongli their bahus. Happens all the time. Or some will try to take away your basic rights, like your right to decide how to live your life, or your rights on making decisions for your kids and husband.
I mean comon.
It happens.
Great example is Everybody Loves Raymond - that show is so spot on when it comes to desi MIL's. Except it is an Italian family. But same dynamics. Now you tell me - desi men would not be like Ray, they'd just run across the family and sit with their moms every time there is an argument.
It's not JUST the inability to make decisions without mommy's approval that's off-putting..................more importantly it's the inability to look at issues in an objective manner that irks most women. And by that I mean.....the inability to realize that mommy is a human being and is not immune to making mistakes. The failure to see that mommy is not immune to jealousy and insecurity. The inability to realize that a mother and wife have different rights and places in a man's life ......and they can't be replaced by the other. They're too different to even be compared. It's the "My mommy is ALWAYS right, she's an angel, she can do NO wrong" that gets most women.
Well what if a mother is like that? What if by her extensive experience she can never be wrong? Certainly a 50 year old woman has more experience than girls in their teens, because thats when most Paksitani girls get married. I know some women who have so much experience from life and people that whichever decision they take always end up right. Its quite amazing.
Re: Why don't women like Mama's Boys?
The difference is that the Daddy of a Daddy's Girl doesn't interfere in her marriage, and quite the contrary does everything to make his son-in-law happy for fear that he'll leave the wife.
A Mommy of a Mommy's Boy is INTRUSIVE, RUNS THINGS FOR THE COUPLE, INTERFERES, CREATES PROBLEMS BETWEEN THE COUPLE, DOESN'T GIVE THE COUPLE THEIR PRIVACY. Because she is too god-darn attached to her boy.
The difference is that the Daddy of a Daddy's Girl doesn't interfere in her marriage, and quite the contrary does everything to make his son-in-law happy for fear that he'll leave the wife.
A Mommy of a Mommy's Boy is INTRUSIVE, RUNS THINGS FOR THE COUPLE, INTERFERES, CREATES PROBLEMS BETWEEN THE COUPLE, DOESN'T GIVE THE COUPLE THEIR PRIVACY. Because she is too god-darn attached to her boy.
What about the girls always running away to their "mehkha" to their daddy. Then the parents mostly girl's mom blackmails the dude in to submission and fills him with propaganda which leads him away from his own family!!! What about the cunning techniques wives use to break large families and create quarrels among brothers?
What about the girls always running away to their "mehkha" to their daddy. Then the parents mostly girl's mom blackmails the dude in to submission and fills him with propaganda which leads him away from his own family!!! What about the cunning techniques wives use to break large families and create quarrels among brothers?
They have a right to visit their families. Something which folks like you deny them the right to, which is RETARDED.
Girl's parents usually cower in front of their son-in-law in hopes he may not drop her off and never come back to get her.
I'm sure there are some girls who are cunning in this sense, but then if you keep going to villages to get a wife, then that's the crap you're gonna marry. :)
They have a right to visit their families. Something which folks like you deny them the right to, which is RETARDED.
Girl's parents usually cower in front of their son-in-law in hopes he may not drop her off and never come back to get her.
I'm sure there are some girls who are cunning in this sense, but then if you keep going to villages to get a wife, then that's the crap you're gonna marry. :)
City women are more cunning. And I'm talking about women who run away to their maikhas on purpose and stay there and demand their rights be met, like a freakin' union job!!
Re: Why don't women like Mama's Boys?
Mcpendo
This thread is not about daddy's girls or girls who run away to mihaka.
Thank you
My friends sister married a mama's boy, and well now she has a son and is divorced. Why you may ask? Because he would do whatever his mama would say, if the wife would want to have dinner out, he would ask his mom if he could go...I mean seriously? And most times the MIL would say kya zaroorat hai, itni raat hou gayee hai, ghar mein khaana pakwa lou us sey. Not only that, but whatever stuff she'd tell him, he'd go and discuss with his mother. And then his mother would come and talk to her about stuff she had told her husband. So it's not good to marry a mama's boy, you do need a man who is independent, can think for himself and his wife and kid, without needing your mother's approval for every little thing. Also the MIL would let her two younger sons do whatever, mainly because she had no control over them. But the other son, being the eldest, she tried and kept him in control, and in the end they had a divorce, because the MIL would always give taanay and one time even said, why are you with her, just divorce her, she doesn't do anything. The girl who is now divorced said that her husband was a wonderful man, but due to his mother's bad influence we ended up with a divorce. They even spoke to an imam saab about this, and he said it's best that you and ur wife move out, but the mother didn't let that happen, and started making him feel guilty blah blah!
I am sorry that this is irrelevent but If everyone wore the hijaab and prayed ..then surely that would BECOME the monoculture? It is just not making sense to me.
(in ref to ur sig)
Your answer is in Shaykh T.J Winter's another quote.
"Being heretics to the Monoculture requires both courage and style. But we should have room for those who have neither courage nor style."
So if you choose not to do hijab or pray we should still respect and tolerate your wishes and give you room.
Also, it talks about "the monoculture" and not "a monoculture". The monoculture refers to currant western culture where hijab and prayer are strange things.
It's not JUST the inability to make decisions without mommy's approval that's off-putting..................more importantly it's the inability to look at issues in an objective manner that irks most women. And by that I mean.....the inability to realize that mommy is a human being and is not immune to making mistakes. The failure to see that mommy is not immune to jealousy and insecurity. The inability to realize that a mother and wife have different rights and places in a man's life ......and they can't be replaced by the other. They're too different to even be compared. It's the "My mommy is ALWAYS right, she's an angel, she can do NO wrong" that gets most women.
I really liked your post, it talks about the biggest problem of a mama's boy, it starts when mama's boy starts comapring his wife to his mother.
Well what if a mother is like that? What if by her extensive experience she can never be wrong? Certainly a 50 year old woman has more experience than girls in their teens, because thats when most Paksitani girls get married. I know some women who have so much experience from life and people that whichever decision they take always end up right. Its quite amazing.
Paindu Ji........you couldn't have picked a more fitting name.
Yes, it's possible that a mother-in-law is giving sound advice based on extensive experience. I never said that all MILS are toxic. But an intelligent person.....takes a few moments out to contemplate the advice given by others.
Before you get defensive......keep in mind that as much as we love our parents......there have been times when we question their beliefs and decisions. It's human nature. If it is natural for one to question the views of their own parents...........then it shouldn't be such a shock to see a DIL who is not blindly obedient to her MIL at all times.
There's no gunnah in taking some time out to reflect upon what another person is suggesting. For example, there have been some threads where girls have posted that their MILS don't allow them to visit their own parents. In such situations the son........instead of rushing to agree with his mom........should contemplate the situation:
Is my mom forbidding wife to visit her parents because there is some environmental danger (weather issues, safety issues)?
Is there an emergency in my wife's family? Does my mom have an emergency that she needs my wife to tend to? Has my wife been neglecting her marital responsibilities with excessive visits to her parents?
Is this a frequent restriction imposed by mommy? Is my mommy's decision reasonable from a moral/human/Islamic perspective? Is it fair or reasonable? How would I feel in such a situation?
IF we can think from various angles when it comes to other issues.......why not when it comes to our own families? That doesn't mean that the Momma's Boy has to be rude and lash out at his mom. But BLIND OBEDIENCE is neither natural nor wise. Keep in mind, that even some of the prophets (Ibrahim AS) went against their parents..........in order to find the right path.