Re: Why don't women like Mama's Boys?
You know, here's the thing.
Times are changing, and DIL's and MIL's are faced with new challenges. Back in the pind, the girl was local and so making a move to the in-laws house wasn't a big logistical nightmare, and furthermore, living with the in-laws was cheaper than getting a place of your own. Often the boy would inherit a living place or inherit/earn enough to eventually get a place of their own. This takes a lot of burden off things. The couple can be married and supported by FIL and MIL while husband is still finishing up school or in training/apprenticeship, whatever.
There is a boatload of families growing up in a different env't these days.
Families abroad are spread apart - living in different states, cities, countries. So, now the girl doesn't move from Bandar Road to Clifton within Karachi. She moves from California to New York. She no longer is a stay-at-home wifey (maybe post-BA or BS or something). She's now a working professional or a student still in college or professional school. Now, not only is she moving across country - she has to move jobs, or move schooling. Which means applications for transfers. Which means, you might not get a job or be able to continue schooling when you move, or maybe you can work it out.
What if you have a family (seen this all the time), where the guy is actually more flexible to move, and the girl is tied down in a school and can't leave a program or is tied down in a job. Makes sense for the guy to move, because its not an issue to transfer jobs/schools for him. But boy's MOTHER is INSISTENT, that her boy is not going to move from NYC to California, and rather the girl needs to saccrifice everything and move to NYC.
Which means, maybe the girl loses schooling time, or gets pulled out of school ( seen girls get pulled out of professional school all the time with loans that girl's parents have to pay off - its EMBARASSING professionally - I've known a professor who has noticed this trend and even asked me if this is something that happens with desi girls). Or she loses a perfectly good job with stable income and now has to start over from ground zero.
All because of MIL's stubborness? Because the boy's family dominates and the girl's family takes a back seat?
these are just some examples - maybe people in Pakistan cannot relate to it, because marriages happen locally. But in the US, where people are all far apart, it can become a logistical nightmare to make a wedding work - to make a marriage work. Which city do you do the valima? Are we flying in every relative of the girl's?
And in these pressures, girls feel like they give way more saccrifice than the boys. And I think it is accurate to say that we do saccrifice more. It's expected of us, because we are girls.
I am SO ready for marriage, but then I stop and think: If I get married, will in-laws force me to give up my career? Who will pay my debts if that happens? What if I am pressured to not do further education and training for better and more exciting job offers? What if I'm banned from travelling by in-laws, as my job does require some travel? What if my MIL has a curfew on me (how is that gonna work when I have night shifts??)? What if there is an awesome opportunity to do a project in Pakistan - will my inlaws disapprove of me spending a few months over there to do some work? How often will my inlaws let me see my family, because I might have to fly out to another city to do that (as oppose to just drive around the gali)? How often will my inlaws tolerate my family being in town to see their grandkids?
I mean, there are a HUNDRED questions that come to mind, and honestly, you feel like you're being suffocated just because you don't have a pair of balls (anatomically speaking).