Why don't women like Mama's Boys?

[Pareezay]

@X2

Most parents dont expect and ask for much, never throw their sacrifices in your face. In my case a great part of my life does revolved around them, their wellbeing, their mental comfort, their happiness. I dont see my liofe as an island where I am making decisions which are good for me and others are a secondary consideration each time. I do see people around me and that they prioritize things differently, but thats not me. maybe that makes me a mamas or daddys boy but I feel that I have a responsibility towards them, just like I have a responsibility for my wife and kids and siblings, their wellbeing is important to me. someone being an individual does not mean being an island, there are different expressions of individuality.

I do not undertstand why ppl have so much drama in their lives. my parents live with me for extended periods of time, just this year they were with me for 5 months, no issue, yes you have to accomodate more, but its just like we had to alter things when we got married, or we had kids, or whaetver, just realizing that decisions have impact on other people too and to factor that in place, sometimes making different types of plans, altering activities, or what we do in free time etc etc.

but really, is that such a big deal?

and no, i do not believe I can care for my parents as well when they are a thousand miles away. not even close. as they become older, proximity is critical.

I am not trying to paint myself as some goody two shoes guy, but explaining that individuality does not mean that the collective has no value, I find my individuality as a key part of my family and friends. This was something that was established before begum and i got hooked up, and its not just for my folks, her folks can come and live with us for as long as they like or forever, the inconveniences that reduced personal space or factoring additional ppl impact on decisions is significantly outweighed by having their blessings with us and for our kids.

PS: and no my wife is not forced to or expected to do their laundry, clean their bathroom or their room, they manage, along with help from cleaning lady who comes in once a week and myself.

That’s a pretty nice read but what does it have to do with my post?
I’m talking about a section of people who belong to the school of thought completely different than what you or your parents are like.. basically, parents who don’t let their kids live their lives in peace and this whole attitude of ‘we are gonna get a bahu from Pakistan who will come take care of US’, not, let’s see if she’s good for our son and compatible for him. The whole rishta is based along the lines of how good she will prove to be when it comes to taking care of his entire family. Seriously, is that how desi people should even be thinking? She’s not your servant. If your DIL wants her privacy, what’s the issue? If parents are going to be overbearing and act all OCD with their kids, there will always be issues. The point here is to know how to keep a balance. Our relationships with our parents are so valuable, and so is the bond with wife and kids. It’s just a matter of knowing how to keep both parties happy. Parents clinging to their sons as if his wife shouldn’t even matter is ridiculous. Some of them really need to realize when to take a backseat, and same goes for the wife. Again, I am talking about the parents who DO that. Not everyone in general. I have seen the best of marriages go sour because of this whole interference from the parents. It sucks to be the son in these situations because you’re caught in the middle. Why would there be ANY drama if both the wife and parents can understand their roles in the guy’s life and be more reasonable? His duty is towards both the parties, one trying to win over the other is what starts all the problems.

As for being thousands for miles away, I said you can live far but still be an obedient son, not talking about the taking care aspect, which pertained to someone here saying ‘May be I am selfish, but how about those one willing to leave us for new life?’ Your son and his wife are starting a new life, not abandoning you, why can’t you be supportive?? In many families, as soon as the son moves away with his wife, it’s looked upon as, what a horrible son, couldn’t even live in the same house with his parents, the wife must have made him do this, he’s whipped. For instance, if my husband has to move away for work far from his parents, I can tell you that atleast 5 people in his community will talk trash about it. I don’t think distance decreases love or obedience for your parents. I dormed 10 hours away from my house, did I become a bad daughter by doing that? I don’t think so. If anything, being away and missing my parents so much more made me realize their worth.
It’s a different story when your parents are ageing and need you, then it IS your obligation to take care of them and provide for them.