Are Muslim men scared of professional single Muslim women in their thirties? | altM
I mean really? Y’all want to educate your daughters, right? Well ok, she might not get married.
Turn them into anything but doctors. :k:
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
Conversely you have rishtas who require that a girl be no less than a doctor. I know of families where both the guy and the parents are totally okay with the girl being not only in her thirties and close to the guy's age....but even cases where the guy and parents are okay with the girl being older. I wouldn't spike my blood pressure or lose sleep over this article...it doesn't represent every Desi guy or family. The right guy...the one you end up marrying...will not be defined by this article.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
I've actually bumped into families that are ONLY looking for doc girls...so no this is not the norm PCG.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
Don't believe everything you read online.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
I've actually bumped into families that are ONLY looking for doc girls...so no this is not the norm PCG.
But the irony is they don't want the girls to work. In Pakistan they're considering doing 50% quotas for boys. They will now not allow girls to take up most of the seats because the workforce in medicine is depleting.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
Wouldn't be a bad idea. They go to med school to get in with upper class families and get good rishtas. Few practice.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
I know of a couple families in North America who want all doctor bahus even when their own son is not a doctor. (And yes, they want them to practice because they know doctors are well off in north america).
It's actually pretty annoying sometimes. Apne betay ne bachelors kya hua hai, magar biwi chahiye doctor (or working towards becoming one).
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
Insightful! The statistical studies he cited are impressive. Looks like he is an expert in this field.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
I've actually bumped into families that are ONLY looking for doc girls...so no this is not the norm PCG.
We've come across this more..
Like RV said I think the doctor thing is actually seen as more important than the girl's age in quite a few families nowadays..
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
Also, to think or wonder that girls should stop being educated sounds as though education is primarily pursued by women to land a husband. It should be pursued for their own development and security. On the flip side, it's not right to think that my medical/law/engineering/etc etc degree entitles me or makes me more worthy of all rishtay compared to girls who have degrees from less lucrative fields or who are less educated or who are not as career-oriented. Granted that there's more hard work and substance in a degree than there is in ...something...like having fair skin. But it's just another version of "I'm better or more deserving than you."
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
Wouldn't be a bad idea.** They go to med school to get in with upper class families and get good rishtas. **Few practice.
Agreed. This mentality seriously needs to go. They look at it as higher studies and nothing else AND find it offensive if somebody suggests that they should make use of their education.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
Also, to think or wonder that girls should stop being educated sounds as though education is primarily pursued by women to land a husband. It should be pursued for their own development and security. On the flip side, it's not right to think that my medical/law/engineering/etc etc degree entitles me or makes me more worthy of all rishtay compared to girls who have degrees from less lucrative fields or who are less educated or who are not as career-oriented. Granted that there's more hard work and substance in a degree than their is in ...something...like having fair skin. But it's just another version of "I'm better or more deserving than you."
o but it is for many families including some people I know. Let me give you an example. I was asked for my opinion for someone's rishta by the family. This girl is still in school and working on her career. I simply said I believe a woman should be emotionally and financially independent before she gets married. That's for her own security. This wasn't taken well by the family. They flat out told me "aisa nahi hota. That's not right! is tarah to ache rishte hi nikal jayen" I didn't say anything again because I was honestly offended. -___- I was like why the hell did you ask for my opinion then if you don't even agree with my lifestyle.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
Article is dated May 15, 2011. Just saying!
PCG, I agree with the sentiment that families, who place a lot of emphasis on certain degrees or having an ideal age gap between the guy and girl, don't always win in the end because these things don't necessarily guarantee a happy, successful married life. But I think the article is poorly written.
If we are using personal observations about the Muslim community, I know of some upper class families who are loaded and the women don't really need to work but they do (and quite a few of them are very accomplished in their careers). I also know of middle class families that could flourish more if the women in their family worked too but for whatever reason (raising kids or religious reasons) they choose not to. Working or not working after marriage is not class dependent. It's people's personal priorities.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
^I think most upper-middle and upper class women prefer to work at least for a time after marriage.. From what I've seen personally it's looked down on not to work at all.. It doesn't have to be professional work, it's often creative stuff like interior design, writing and fashion (though middle-class people don't always take those last examples of jobs seriously)
The more well-off families obviously don't see working as a "need" but usually have a more liberal mindset and aren't keen on the idea itself of women having to be housewives.. Of course there's NOTHING wrong with being a housewife but the traditional way of thinking that women must stay at home is obviously not so prevalent..
Re: Why don’t we just not educate our girls?
Just to point to one misconception.
**Educated girls does not necessarily mean professional/working women. **
We (mostly guy’s mom) want professional girl for their beta jee but we pray that they are not educated because most of the educated girls/persons can constitute and express an opinion.
You guys can carry on now.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
^I think most upper-middle and upper class women prefer to work at least for a time after marriage.. From what I've seen personally it's looked down on not to work at all.. It doesn't have to be professional work, it's often creative stuff like interior design, writing and fashion (though middle-class people don't always take those last examples of jobs seriously)
The more well-off families obviously don't see working as a "need" but usually have a more liberal mindset and aren't keen on the idea itself of women having to be housewives.. Of course there's NOTHING wrong with being a housewife but the traditional way of thinking that women must stay at home is obviously not so prevalent..
Agree, deeba. That's exactly what I've seen in my circle as well. That is not to say that all upper class families are like that. Some definitely do prefer to get higher education, get married, and attend social events for the rest of their life. But that is by no means a representation of the vast majority.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
o but it is for many families including some people I know. Let me give you an example. I was asked for my opinion for someone's rishta by the family. This girl is still in school and working on her career. I simply said I believe a woman should be emotionally and financially independent before she gets married. That's for her own security. This wasn't taken well by the family. They flat out told me "aisa nahi hota. That's not right! is tarah to ache rishte hi nikal jayen" I didn't say anything again because I was honestly offended. -___- I was like why the hell did you ask for my opinion then if you don't even agree with my lifestyle.
I am assuming they never asked for an opinion from you again.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
I am assuming they never asked for an opinion from you again.
It was probably the first time I was asked for my opinion in a serious matter anyway and I just went quiet because it was obviously not received well. :D I am sure they won't be asking for my advice when it comes to rishta. I suck at this kind of talk anyway so...
Re: Why don’t we just not educate our girls?
:k:
What happened to getting education for the sake of it? Why does one need to answer questions regarding work/sit at home?
Have heard some families asking for girls with ‘degrees’ and wouldn’t accept the ones with ‘diplomas’ because they want working DILs (better jobs - degree > diploma)…whatever as people prefer all sorts of things… but working or not should be the girl’s decision and not the guy/in-law’s pressure.
Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
This is true/ Even the girls they brought from Pakistan are ones that have an MBBS degree. The husband ( who is also well qualified in most cases if not a doctor himself) gets mad if she doesn't pass her USMLES or gets good enough grades to get into residencies. It seems money is all people think about these days. Even in Pakistan I came across people who wanted a working bahu who would contribute towards the in laws luxuries.
I know of a couple families in North America who want all doctor bahus even when their own son is not a doctor. (And yes, they want them to practice because they know doctors are well off in north america). It's actually pretty annoying sometimes. Apne betay ne bachelors kya hua hai, magar biwi chahiye doctor (or working towards becoming one).