Re: Why don't we just not educate our girls?
I think education should be independent of getting married. Some women get so engrossed in pursuing their career that by the time they're "ready" to get married, the eligible bachelors are taken. I think men appreciate the education, but femininity and youth ultimately matter just as much.
Imagine a doctor - first year of medical school at age 23/24 vs end of residency 28/29+. The girl in medical school is already set for a great career. She also has more options due to young age. It's tough keeping your eye on your career after marriage, but also it's tough getting married if you're only focusing on your career. Ultimately, you have to make a choice, and I would choose marriage, because your career is 100% in your hands, but your marriage is only 50%, the other side also has to agree.
And this is why our community is still living in the stone age without electricity and water. Because we still think like cavemen.
No, the two are not mutually exclusive when the guy who is marrying the girl is allowing himself and his family to interfere in her career and put a stop to it. Or hinder it enough that she has to feel like she needs to give it up.
So you make a choice, if you want to pursue higher education (of any sort, anything beyond a bachelors these days), you either stick to your profession and only entertain rishtas that seem sincere that they will work with your career plans, OR you finish your career training.
NO ONE can take away your degree from you. NO ONE can take your residency away from you, or exams you've already given. No one in your in-laws can take your bar exam away. Or take away your USMLE's. Or take away your CPA exam. Or erase half your resume.
BUT they can definitely prevent you from getting any of the above accomplished. And unfortunately there are MORE examples of that in our community than helpful husband who work with their wives so they can finish their education.
If you are serious about your career and you have to take the odds, then a smart person will pick their career. I did just that. Yeah, I'm single. But I can feed myself, and feed my parents and take care of them into their retirement. My mother doesn't have to worry about being shoved into a nursing home, and her social security being taken from her. Or that she has to count her social security dollars and make do with eating cheese toast daily at 75 to make ends meet. She has her daughters who both work and make a living and will support her.
So, no the choice is not easy for everyone. Only rishtas I ever came across were guys who were obviously anti-career, or we knew their families would block me from finishing my career goals. It's luck. There were other girls who got married, FAR fewer ( I can name ONE actually ) who did more than a bachelors and her husband supported her all the way. However, she imported him,and his green card was dependent on her, and her family paid for everything including the house he lived in. I think he knew he was in no position to argue when he didn't get fresh food made for him every night. He learned to cook on his own. That was an exception.
Every other case, girl was pulled out from finishing her career plans, or didn't have any career plans to begin with (most common scenario).
I have a long list of 25 year olds on my facebook. They just post selfies of themselves all day. That's the state of our community because of the above stone-age way of thinking.