Hi guys…I really need your help on this situation with my husband…
I had an arranged marriage, basically 6 months of everything and then got married…I never had a boyfriend in the past, and like every girl dreamed about flowers/candy little things that make girls smile. Once we got married, he didn’t do nothing of that sort. In the beginning we were getting to know each other since it was arranged, and we never really met up frequently since we lived in different states. I was so excited that my husband will be romantic and do little things to make me fall in love with him so much. My birthday was 2 weeks after we got married and he still didn’t do anything on my birthday. In the beginning of a marriage, I was really looking forward to these things…nothing big like expensive things but little things that contribute to romance. I didn’t really talk to him about it, because it was in the beginning of our marriage and I was shy and didn’t want to “make” him do things for me, I just accepted that he isn’t much of a romantic person.
A year later, I still daydream about my husband doing all these things for me, leaving me notes, writing me poems, “good morning” texts something that makes me think about him, but it’s still the same. My husband is a really nice guy and loves me a lot, and I know that that should be all that matters, but somewhere inside me I feel that I “need” those things as well as a girl. I love my husband, but I feel something is lacking in our relationship regarding my deep happiness for him.
I then talked to my husband about it, and told him that he needs to do these things for me, and that he should have done it early in the marriage, but still can do it for me. I’m a hopeless romantic and want these things as well…Why can’t you remember something I like and bring it home from work…bring me flowers…leave me cute notes…call me to say you miss me from work? He said he will try to work on it…Its been 3 years and he’s still the same…he is still the same “unromantic” person as he was. I give him hints about stuff I like plain as day, tell him what romantic things I like in an effort that he will do it. I fight with him sometimes over petty things and I feel that Its frustration over the “lacking” in this department… I even fight with him to let him know just how much this “lackingness” is affecting me. He just simply answers by saying “this is how i am.”
My frustration comes to the fact that I’m not telling him to go out and buy things for me, little things you do for your girl are what makes girls fall in love with a guy. We don’t even have long conversations on the phone its basic talk and hang up…I try to make an effort to be funny/cute/romantic but he doesn’t reciprocate. He’s just a serious guy. He doesn’t ever call me any nicknames either, he doesn’t hold my hand in public. I’ve done countless romantic things for him in the past, to show him how beautiful it can be, he enjoys it and appreciates it, however he hasn’t reciprocated for me and it has eventually died down on my part…
He’s only 30 years old..its not like he’s a buddha that he can’t “change” now. I don’t get it. I’m not telling him to change his personality, just do little things for me because I will “like” them. Why is it sooo hard? why can’t he make effort to put a smile on my face? People change for their spouse if they don’t like one aspect of their personality. Why doesn’t he care?
It has affected me to a point where I daydream about leaving this relationship and starting over with another guy so I can go through that “romance” part with someone else…or meeting someone else and fulfilling my “romance” desire…its so wrong i know!
Sometimes I feel like I’m focusing on superficial things, I should just focus on the fact that he loves me right? However I like every girl have romantic wishes and need those from my spouse. Its honestly really affecting my life…I really don’t know…Please Let me know what else to do? Soo frustrated!