Maybe im too westernisedin my thinking. But i do not like the fact that its women who are expected to get up and feed the man, make him breakfast etc i mean cant the lazy so and so do it himself...wil it break his back to get up and make his own cup of tea....why oh why is it like this especially in our culture....if wife gets up and asks her husband on a daily basis to make her breakfast, this wouldnt work.
Im getting married soon and im hating the fact that il be expected to run around him, even if hes a decent guy he will still expect breakfast/lunch/dinner on table.....why cant he bl***y do it himself....
But the guys are expected to go out day after day for the rest of their lives to earn for us too. Yeah things have changed, women go to work, men cook, so people share their responsibilities now. It's really not that hard. Whatever works for your family is the way to go.
ppl work 8-9 hrs (some work more) with 1-2 hrs of commute time, so on a daily basis they are out 9-11 hours or so. lets say 45-55 hours, spread those hours over 7 days and its 6.5 to 8 hrs a day approx.
sad to break it to you but housework does not take 8 hours a day.
as far as the question about ..when do women get a break, hmmmmm teh time they watch soap operas, and this and that with nadia khan or whatever junk is on TV in daytime, or when the gossip factories are in full production during the daytime phonecalls, or the daytime mall trips etc.
are you saying your mother sat at home and watched soap operas all day while your father worked 55 hours a week. and mister, housework takes less than 8 hours yes, but if you have children that takes up a hell of alot more time than just 8 hours. most men after having the child they most deperatly want, delegate the chore of looking after the child to the mother, and this is a fact....youll see this alot in our society.
a- you dont even know what the expectations are of the guy you are getting married to soon? have not discussed them, and/or are not on the same page when it comes to what your thoughts about lifestyle are?
b- you picked some bloke who wants to be king of the castle and not lift a finger to help? why did you pick him?
c-you outsourced spouse selection to parents and they dragged him out from somewhere? not very 'western' then is it?
If you read my question as should most people here i didnt say it was my personal experience. im not even married yet for gods sake. i was making a general question, as most men, believe it or not, are this way. This has nothing to do with me on the most personal level, but i know my hbby to be expects me to wash and clean etc more than he will. and i was merely asking as to why men expect.
Maybe im too westernisedin my thinking. But i do not like the fact that its women who are expected to get up and feed the man, make him breakfast etc i mean cant the lazy so and so do it himself...wil it break his back to get up and make his own cup of tea....why oh why is it like this especially in our culture....if wife gets up and asks her husband on a daily basis to make her breakfast, this wouldnt work.
Im getting married soon and im hating the fact that il be expected to run around him, even if hes a decent guy he will still expect breakfast/lunch/dinner on table.....why cant he bl***y do it himself....
i qoute, that i am expected to run around him, even if...
meaning i dnt know im wondering if he is or isnt. and i was brought up in a western country whiles he back home. so his way of thinking is different too. although i agreed to this marriage, because yes its arranged but i do like him from what i know. im not tooo western, but being brought up her will obviously effect my thinking.
y do we expect men to go out and earn money and put food on the table? y dont we expect them to sit at home and look after kids while women go and work?
and in which culture u have seen men doing more chores than women? if u have then pls tell me i wud love to marry in that culture!
which man deports their children off to the mother? i want to know now
a lot of us women like cooking for their man. We'd rather he like our food better than someone else's :D thats how i think about it
and im a full-time working mom and wife.. and have absolutely no issues with my hubby in regards to chores and whatever. And believe it or not... he's a pakistani!
are you saying your mother sat at home and watched soap operas all day while your father worked 55 hours a week. and mister, housework takes less than 8 hours yes, but if you have children that takes up a hell of alot more time than just 8 hours. most men after having the child they most deperatly want, delegate the chore of looking after the child to the mother, and this is a fact....youll see this alot in our society.
My father worked more than 55 hours a week, my mother worked as well and the parents split responsibilities for home care. Thats what civilized people do.
as far as society, there is not one culture, there are many subcultures in the society. so the part of society I associate with, this type of jahilana mentality is not the norm.
as far as taking care of kids and home, couple of points
1) sorry, not true, we have twins and while it is work, its not like they need every minute
2) kids are only a high level of work for a couple of years.
3) eventually kids go to school, then what is the excuse then? unless someone is popping one every year for a dozen years, the time when child care takes a lot of time is really a handful of years.
If you read my question as should most people here i didnt say it was my personal experience. im not even married yet for gods sake. i was making a general question, as most men, believe it or not, are this way. This has nothing to do with me on the most personal level, but i know my hbby to be expects me to wash and clean etc more than he will. and i was merely asking as to why men expect.
hey dont blame everyone if you did not phrase your question properly. your question seems edlike complaining that your husband-to-be expects you to cook meals for him, I dont recall you complaing about that he expects you to do more.
here is your own post for a reminder..
Im getting married soon and im hating the fact that il be expected to run around him, even if hes a decent guy he will still expect breakfast/lunch/dinner on table.....why cant he bl***y do it himself....
my parents both worked throughout our childhood and teenage years and shared responsibility.
I have a 2 yr old child and really, yes it is a full-time job in a sense u have to be on the lookout all the time.. BUT u do get some breathing space. We can sit down together and watch Dora :halo: and play games.. and she helps me out with things.. It’s not really that crazy. If you have kids, learn to live with them and love them. They arent a nuisance really..
most times i hear about parents saying “i looked after them for this long..”.. well good on you.. its not a chore! its called being a parent..
ur going into a joint family system i believe, moving back to pakistan and living with the inlaws. Just try and see what the culture is there and go along with it. If you’re gonna kick up a storm about it, its bound for trouble.
There is NOTHING wrong with cooking for the hubz… nothing i tell ya. I’m sure he’ll look after you pretty well too
Nadz..i dont think this is due to your westernised thinking...im from UK and have studied here and lived here all my life for the past 24 years and I too have a good degree and am working full time...and have never thought that the man should help out and stuff....mashallah my hubby does help out, but if he didnt i wouldnt get annoyed at him....in my parents house my dad used 2 help out more (cleaning)...whereas my mum just stuck to the cooking...every couple is different, every family is different..
dont let westernised thinking be the reason for your soch....speak 2 him politely and explain how you want him and urself 2 manage the house and see what he says....inshallah this will clear up a lot of issues for you...
ur going into a joint family and 2 pakistan and with this thinking its going to be hard 4 u 2 settle, i really hope u take things slowly and inshallah everything works out 4 u..dnt 4get in pakistan most people have nauker so u may end up doing hardly anywork..cooking 4 ur hubby is not really an issue! And as u say, you enjoy it cooking, so why worry? take everything in ur stride...
but compromises are a part of marraige...only if u want it 2 work..good luck!
Nadz, this is life, you have to cook and clean for your huby, and truth be told, you need to go to pakistan and adapt to your new life well, issi tar tumhari izzat bane gi, InshAllah things will get easier and when you do have kids he will help out, all men do....
i pray to Allah that you are able to compromise and live a peaceful and happy married life, don't let these basic things ruin a relationship which can be beautiful
my hubby helps out...but i would rather he didn't as i'm a perfectionist and anything the poor guy does is not to my standards....in my experience its best that women handle the household chores
Nadz, i wud definatley take thingd as they come, maybe ur husband to be will work with u....
iv been married 3 yrs now mashala...and trust me i cook new dinner everyday, fresh...i myself like fresh food.....
my husband never cooked, only once, and he put oil in the handi as if he was about to deep fry sum chips!! i did stop him. but he ego came in front and he said let me do it lol....my bro in law cooks nice biryani and nice dal goshata...but i reather be in the kitchen myself..as men make the kitchen helll!!! trust me....
sumtimes i do not feel like working..but hav to...as sumone said here the way to a mans heart is thru his stomache...and that is true...
i used to work for the first two years of marriage...the first year went with my in laws cooking, the second year was me doin the cookin especially in ramazan time...used to come home.....hav bath, read namaz n the kaza namaz....deep fry stuff...and make dinner tooo...etc etc
i guess im just so nervous about the marriage and everything, and am im so stressed. i keep stressing and ive never met anyone else this stressed before their wedding and so small things like even making him a boiled egg is getting to me. i love cooking, i never question why i am making rice or anything for my mum and dad, so i dnt know what makes me question it from him. i guess im so independent and i love doing my own stuff that when someone else comes into my lfie im now epxpected to be almost responsible for him as i would with a child. thats the part i find annoying.
i did speak to him, hes chilled and not a dragon i painted him out to be. but even then he would expect me to cook for him and stuff, and i do like cooking. i guess i jsut dnt like being told. or having no options. maybe marriage is freaking me out or maybe im too independent. i dnt know really :{
Marraige is always scary as obv we havent experienced it before! But dont plan things or put expectations in your head first, this way your not suprised or annoyed when something does happen...Inshallah your hubby will be very understanding and wont be expecting so much....but from your side never leave anything baaqi....i like to do things before my hubby even tells me...this way you cant be annoyed for 'being told' ;)
Good luck, Inshallah you will be just fine! Do loads of dua
