Maybe im too westernisedin my thinking. But i do not like the fact that its women who are expected to get up and feed the man, make him breakfast etc i mean cant the lazy so and so do it himself…wil it break his back to get up and make his own cup of tea…why oh why is it like this especially in our culture…if wife gets up and asks her husband on a daily basis to make her breakfast, this wouldnt work.
Im getting married soon and im hating the fact that il be expected to run around him, even if hes a decent guy he will still expect breakfast/lunch/dinner on table…why cant he bl***y do it himself…
Well, if the husband is at work and won't come back until late evening....he might be too tired to cook (even if he did know how to, lol). And if the wife isn't working....and is home all day....then it makes sense for her to handle the cooking.
If both the hubby and wife works....but wife's cooking is edible compared to hubby's cooking....then it makes sense for her to cook.
My mom, mashaAllah is very fortunate. She's an awesome cook herself and is married to my dad, who is an amazing cook. My dad (in his bachelor days) used to have a chef as a room mate, so he learned how to cook. And on the weekends, my dad does the cooking (biryani, chicken corn soup, nihari, korma, karahi, chaamp, pasanday, baked/grilled chicken)...and when we have a party...my mom and dad BOTH do the cooking and serving. It's soooooo awesome. I hope I'm as lucky as my mom;)
Maybe im too westernisedin my thinking. But i do not like the fact that its women who are expected to get up and feed the man, make him breakfast etc i mean cant the lazy so and so do it himself...wil it break his back to get up and make his own cup of tea....why oh why is it like this especially in our culture....if wife gets up and asks her husband on a daily basis to make her breakfast, this wouldnt work.
Im getting married soon and im hating the fact that il be expected to run around him, even if hes a decent guy he will still expect breakfast/lunch/dinner on table.....why cant he bl***y do it himself....
if u are not working then it only makes sense that you are more responsible for managing the house which includes meals.
if both spouses are working, then split chores, u cook, he does dishes type of thing. whatever one is better at
Maybe im too westernisedin my thinking. But i do not like the fact that its women who are expected to get up and feed the man, make him breakfast etc i mean cant the lazy so and so do it himself...wil it break his back to get up and make his own cup of tea....why oh why is it like this especially in our culture....if wife gets up and asks her husband on a daily basis to make her breakfast, this wouldnt work.
Im getting married soon and im hating the fact that il be expected to run around him, even if hes a decent guy he will still expect breakfast/lunch/dinner on table.....why cant he bly do it himself*....
wow! cool down girl. It is just breakfast, how about you talk to him about it?
Me and my husband both work full time and when I come home and cook, he always helps out and always helps out with cleaning...he never bugs me 2 make lunch or dinner and doesnt expect much from me..but I have seen my mum always do this for my dad so am used 2 making food 4 him..
theres nothing wrong in doing all this, I am more than happy 2 cook 4 my husband....way 2 a mans heart is thru his stomach!
You may be fortunate enough 2 find a man who will help u 2...chill!
Maybe im too westernisedin my thinking. But i do not like the fact that its women who are expected to get up and feed the man, make him breakfast etc i mean cant the lazy so and so do it himself...wil it break his back to get up and make his own cup of tea....why oh why is it like this especially in our culture....if wife gets up and asks her husband on a daily basis to make her breakfast, this wouldnt work.
Im getting married soon and im hating the fact that il be expected to run around him, even if hes a decent guy he will still expect breakfast/lunch/dinner on table.....why cant he bl***y do it himself....
wow! You better talk to him about this issue BEFORE you get married!
I am just speechless at your "thinking" behavior!
That is just a very negative attitude. Initially, in marriage we take everything for granted because we are MOST capable of doing EVERYTHING ourselves - which includes "providing" for yourself, buying luxury for yourself, independence etc.
We only learn what marriage **was **after we have spent at least 10 years with our partner.
Past 10 years of my marriage has thought me A LOT. While I am still capable of "providing" for myself, buying luxuries, and everything I wish for - I think I would still be INCOMPLETE without doing MY HOMELY DUTIES. Homely chores, cooking, looking after hubby's diet needs all are part of OUR responsibility as a wife.
Don't shy away from your obligations, because you know something? OUR partner will NEVER shy away from their OBLIGATIONS in supporting us in every way and GIVING US A VERY MUCH RESPECTABLE LIFE at the same time.
P.S: You just made my heart cry with that thought! Get with it girl! I have never skipped making breakfast for my hubby. It just starts our day that much BETTER.
If tomorrow the ladies stop working, the men would just 'know' that its their duty to provide 4 us..just like that we 'know' that its our duty to do homely duties...i enjoy them!
Nadz..u may not be ready 4 marraige yet dear if this is your thinking....are you quite young still?
ok well if my attitiude is negative, then of course constructive critisicsm is most welcome. and its not me being ready for marriage....its my entire perosnality. yes men go and work, and so do women, well i do anyway. But i find that homely chores isnt as appreciative as it should be. People appreciate money, but if you cook, clean etc that isnt as well appreciated. And in todays society i would like him to hel me out and not expect me to run around for him. and i find this thinking got nothing to do with not being ready for marriage. i dont think the typcial westerner would say that. i find it absurd us asians are so quick to settle down and be housewifey. my parents sent me to uni and gave me a respectable proffesion, for what? so that 24 years of effort can be wasted by sitting at home after marriage and making my husband tea and roti.
and anyway i understand my duties i love cooking, i was merely syaing, why cant they do something why is it expected for women to do almost everything. and if you guys ahve hubbies that are helping you...thats great!IF only mor asian men were like that,.
ok well if my attitiude is negative, then of course constructive critisicsm is most welcome. and its not me being ready for marriage....its my entire perosnality. yes men go and work, and so do women, well i do anyway. But i find that homely chores isnt as appreciative as it should be. People appreciate money, but if you cook, clean etc that isnt as well appreciated. And in todays society i would like him to hel me out and not expect me to run around for him. and i find this thinking got nothing to do with not being ready for marriage. i dont think the typcial westerner would say that. i find it absurd us asians are so quick to settle down and be housewifey. my parents sent me to uni and gave me a respectable proffesion, for what? so that 24 years of effort can be wasted by sitting at home after marriage and making my husband tea and roti.
and anyway i understand my duties i love cooking, i was merely syaing, why cant they do something why is it expected for women to do almost everything. and if you guys ahve hubbies that are helping you...thats great!IF only mor asian men were like that,.
so are you saying that
a- you dont even know what the expectations are of the guy you are getting married to soon? have not discussed them, and/or are not on the same page when it comes to what your thoughts about lifestyle are?
b- you picked some bloke who wants to be king of the castle and not lift a finger to help? why did you pick him?
c-you outsourced spouse selection to parents and they dragged him out from somewhere? not very 'western' then is it?
If you are going to begin you life with this kind of attitude. That too moving from England to Pakistan , and in a home full of in laws , I will pray that Allah help you and be your guide and savior. Ameen.
Why don't you discuss with your fiancee, communicate. Tell him your expectations. Has he told you he "expects" you to do everything and not help you at all. I am sure if you discuss with him, that you would appreciate him to help you whenever possible, he won't mind and will gladly help out. Please talk to him BEFORE marriage of how you feel, what you expect...etc.....so there are no surprises. Is this arranged marriage? I think in some thread you said he is your cousin? Then you should know him and be able to talk to him openly right?
Nadz, if ur both working it would b unfair if u took sole responsibility for the housework on top of your job and he sat there like a couch potato.
Husband and wife should be considerate of eachother and share the burden. Its very simple, agree it at the start of the marriage. In the beginning the roles / duties of the husband / wife should be set as it is very difficult to change them afterwards when one partner is used to having everything done for them, its hard to change their expectations.
Men are NOT usually inconsiderate beasts, so there is a lot of hope for u to sort this out at the beginning. Don't worry, if he is not forthcoming, just start the job yourself and DELEGATE part of the chores to him, in a nice way of course, DON'T NAG!!!
Even if a woman does not work, she will have a FULL TIME JOB, PLUS EVENING JOB, PLUS EARLY MORNING JOB WITH HOME DUTIES, when does a full time housewife get a break??? A man can come home in the evening and weekend put his feet up.
So for the above reason it is nice for the MR in the relationship to help his MRS sometimes to give her a break.
ALL MEN SHOULD COOK AT HOME SOMETIMES, it makes for a happier marriage.
Even if a woman does not work, she will have a FULL TIME JOB, PLUS EVENING JOB, PLUS EARLY MORNING JOB WITH HOME DUTIES, when does a full time housewife get a break??? A man can come home in the evening and weekend put his feet up.
Sorry..lets do some math here.
ppl work 8-9 hrs (some work more) with 1-2 hrs of commute time, so on a daily basis they are out 9-11 hours or so. lets say 45-55 hours, spread those hours over 7 days and its 6.5 to 8 hrs a day approx.
sad to break it to you but housework does not take 8 hours a day.
as far as the question about ..when do women get a break, hmmmmm teh time they watch soap operas, and this and that with nadia khan or whatever junk is on TV in daytime, or when the gossip factories are in full production during the daytime phonecalls, or the daytime mall trips etc.
