Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?
So do guys still ask for jahezz?
The girls in my family never ask for it...it's just given. In fact when my sisters got married they told my mom and their in-laws not to buy them things especially since most of things they wont use. I always think if something absolutely has to be given it should be money :D
Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?
So do guys still ask for jahezz?
I don't think that its asked for....but rather just accepted/unsaid that theyll get stuff
Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?
absolutely true, Arshad5.
people are strictly hung up and that in fact takes away happiness from everyone.
Families are great but having your own space and home is even better. It is possible to want your own space and still love your in-laws.
Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?
Raat kiRaani,
i cannot agree with you more. :)
but of course, it depends who can and actually sees the fairness in this to everybody.
dushwari
I really think that newlywed couples should live on their own for the first couple of years. It's a good opportunity for them to get to know each other better away from glaring eyes, and they get the privacy they deserve as they consummate a conjugal relationship. Also, every girl dreams of having her own little nest, with things done her own way. It's a time of experimenting with the cooking, decorating the way you want, dressing how you want.
Sometimes, when a newlywed couple is forced to live with the inlaws, it can create tension and resentment between the DIL and new family, especially MIL. When I was newly married, my MIL came to live with us. I was new to the whole wife thing and MIL thing. And there were many times that I messed up or got flustered under her watchful eye. I resented the fact that she ALWAYS tagged along when we went out. I resented the fact that our bedrooms were right next to each other's in our tiny apartment, and that we had to share a bathroom. I resented it when I was responsible for all the cooking and cleaning and laundry, while she sat there and watched TV all day. I resented it when I caught her going through my drawers, or when she rearranged my furniture, or when she criticized my cooking and serving style. She was with us for a year, but afterwards, I couldn't help but dislike her more than I liked her. Now, I've been married seven years, and I feel so much more confident about everything--being a good wife, a good mother and a decent homemaker. I don't think it would faze me one bit if she were to come and live with us because I know how to handle myself and my home with much more grace. If she had waited before just a few years before coming to live with us, I'm sure the experience would have been much more pleasant than it was.
The bottom line is that everyone deserves their own little nest, and I think MILs should realize that and nurture that so that when the time arises and the parents need help, the DIL won't harbor any ill will against them and it won't be such a big deal if the inlaws come to live with their adult kids. People most want their own personal space when they're young and newly married. The time before kids is like an extended honeymoon or like dating. That is a very fleeting and temporary time and once you've become the older married couple, and you already have a boisterous house thanks to your kids, then having the inlaws with you is hardly a problem or an invasion of privacy.
Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?
yea u are right about that...however bear in mind they were given the chance to live in their own home and do the things they wanted to do..
I dont really think that holds true for everyone. many of our elders spent time in joint family systems at one time or another, and had the type of responsibilities and commitments that we dont face.
whenever they wanted to do it and however they wanted to do it. Now it's their kids turn. It's the parents/in-laws time to enjoy their old age and let go of all the responsibilities of running a household...no?
responsibilities are a very different issue than doing what one wants to do. parents can pass on the responsibility of manage the home to their children. lets not mix the two.
so what is your solution here?
parents in their old age will not be able to live on their own? right
so you live together or not?
if you do you have an option of either staying in their house, or your house
so if living in their house you cant do things that you want, how is that going to change if they are living in your house.
The tension will still be there, over there you would feel that you cant do what you want, over here they would feel they have no say.
Is that how we want to treat our parents or our spuses parents?
Or would a responsible and mature thing to do would be to have open communications, and understanding, some give and take, so ppl can live in harmony? whether people are living with their parents, or parents are living with them or they are living separately.
running away because one can not handle it, only ste ppl up for a bigger issue when a decade later the parents have to live with them.