Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

well said!! :)

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Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

is this not a temporary issue anyways? in many ways

1) as a newly wed you may go lve on your own, fine, but then eventually the parents age, and need someone around, and being in teh same city is simply not enough, on street down, same street or next door is probably the level of seperation you can have ...

so really, people see their inlaws in their 40's and 50's and say hey, i want my own place...sure, but realize that soon you will have to live together in order to be there for them. I mean unless you wana toss em in some old folks home you know

2) whether you lve with them now and continue, or whether you start living together when they are old. eventually they will die, and you will not have to worry about personal space and all from them then. Although it may be around the time that you start thinking how your children would be with you..

just something to think about.

I am a huge supporter of people living on their own, having their own life.
I am a bigger supporter of people being there for their parents
and I am a big supporter of having a good relationship with parents and that living independently is not just running away and not building a strong mutually rspectful relationship and a good understanding.

23

Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

yaar its not being wanna be gora at all…it depends on your personality…okeee heres an example if i dont like anything in the living room i just cant go ahead and change it…i have to ask my in laws permission and thats not a problem for me…but her choice and my choice is completely opposite…like i wanted to put curtains in the living room but my MIL thought thats not a good idea because they will get dirty…even if i have to buy something for my room i cant because then i have to get the same thing for other rooms too…thats like the rule of the house…

so my point is once you are on your own you can decorate your house your way…:smiley:

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Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

lol...i know how u feel...its annoyingggggggg but just think of this way hes not your baita:p

25

Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

even parents who spent a lot of time in US and have careers and social circles and all will eventually become very dependant. what then? how would people be able to handle such a stifling unpleasant burden ..?

26

Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

Awww sweetie I was joking abt the wannabe-gora thng...guess I've read too many "everything western is bad" threads awhile back... :D

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Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

I think there are degrees of "dependence", and there is a huge difference between someone who is perfectly able-bodied being dependent on their children in the wrong way, and someone who is elderly and dependent on their children.

I have absolutely no issues about taking care of my parents and my in-laws when they are no longer able to live on their own, but I would have a difficult time living under the thumb of either my mother-in-law or my mother, both of whom can be very controlling, when they are in good health. And there is absolutely no reason for siblings to be living together, unless they absolutely cannot afford separate accommodations. Many of our Arab friends have the parents rotate between siblings, spending a few months with each one, until poor health forces them to choose a place. This gives everyone a chance to rest, and petty fights are less likely to occur.

And I think that all couples should at least start out on their own. They will become closer to one another and learn how to resolve disagreements without the interference of others.

2 Likes
28

Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

lol…okee jaou maaf kia:naraz:

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Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

keep in mind...there is a huge difference b/w living in your in-laws home and having them live in your home.

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Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

I really think that newlywed couples should live on their own for the first couple of years. It's a good opportunity for them to get to know each other better away from glaring eyes, and they get the privacy they deserve as they consummate a conjugal relationship. Also, every girl dreams of having her own little nest, with things done her own way. It's a time of experimenting with the cooking, decorating the way you want, dressing how you want.

Sometimes, when a newlywed couple is forced to live with the inlaws, it can create tension and resentment between the DIL and new family, especially MIL. When I was newly married, my MIL came to live with us. I was new to the whole wife thing and MIL thing. And there were many times that I messed up or got flustered under her watchful eye. I resented the fact that she ALWAYS tagged along when we went out. I resented the fact that our bedrooms were right next to each other's in our tiny apartment, and that we had to share a bathroom. I resented it when I was responsible for all the cooking and cleaning and laundry, while she sat there and watched TV all day. I resented it when I caught her going through my drawers, or when she rearranged my furniture, or when she criticized my cooking and serving style. She was with us for a year, but afterwards, I couldn't help but dislike her more than I liked her. Now, I've been married seven years, and I feel so much more confident about everything--being a good wife, a good mother and a decent homemaker. I don't think it would faze me one bit if she were to come and live with us because I know how to handle myself and my home with much more grace. If she had waited before just a few years before coming to live with us, I'm sure the experience would have been much more pleasant than it was.

The bottom line is that everyone deserves their own little nest, and I think MILs should realize that and nurture that so that when the time arises and the parents need help, the DIL won't harbor any ill will against them and it won't be such a big deal if the inlaws come to live with their adult kids. People most want their own personal space when they're young and newly married. The time before kids is like an extended honeymoon or like dating. That is a very fleeting and temporary time and once you've become the older married couple, and you already have a boisterous house thanks to your kids, then having the inlaws with you is hardly a problem or an invasion of privacy.

31

Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

Nobody has anything to say abt my jahez theory :(

32

Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

Thats true..my MIL also helps me with everything..sometimes too much…lol…but thts alrite…i really like her…i didnt do anything for like a month…but now i try my best to help her out with everything…especially on weekends when im home…

and yeah ur jehz theory is true also…but ive heard allooooot of stories where girls get tooooo much attached to their “jehz” k when something happens to it…they make a huge deal out of it and cry for days…:halo:

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Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

Umm I think there’s some tradition that a new bride’s whose hands and feet are stillc overed in mehndi shouldn’t be allowed to do any housework…as soon as the mehndi si totally gone then inlaws should make her do stuff..thats why before wedding we make such a big eal abt having the color be very dark and deep :smiley: :wink:

**masoom group**
34

Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

Oh and the jahez…

My nana-abu bought my mother this really beautiful set of dishes..unfortunately (or forutnately) she never used them when she went to her new home…somehow they ended back at her elder sisters (lke a mother to her/nani to us) home and they were put in teh showcase, for show…

it was only last year when my mother found those dishes and put them up in our new house in Pakistan..we used them for the first time last year, and she was saying that her dad bought them for her for 3000 Rs. It was the most expensive set anyone ever got, and she wouldn’t let me touch them, because she said if they break , its not like her father will buy her a new seat (he died in 80) :teary1::teary2: I thought it was very sad/sweet, so yeah sometimes there is sentiment attached to certain things…

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Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

not living with in laws is not something that is all wrong nor is it an imperative.

it depends how nice in-laws are, to the son in law and the daughter in law.
some in laws can be, i imagine, and have heard of, are so nice and respectful that one would want to stay with them, for ever, as married women and men.

36

Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

..yep, for them too..right?

37

Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

just tattoo the designs and you are set for life, declare it as a miracle and all

38

Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

So do guys still ask for jahezz?

39

Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

nope, just jahaaz

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Re: Why do some sisters prefer not to live with in-laws?

yea u are right about that...however bear in mind they were given the chance to live in their own home and do the things they wanted to do..whenever they wanted to do it and however they wanted to do it. Now it's their kids turn. It's the parents/in-laws time to enjoy their old age and let go of all the responsibilities of running a household...no?

Last person to answer this post wins!!!!