Why do so many ppl feel this way?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I’ve come across a lot of individuals with the following sentiment.

“If anybody knew the real me, they wouldnt really like me or love me.”

“If anybody knew what I was truly made up of, the thoughts I harbour, they could never love me or even like, because I am not a good person.”

Know anyone who thinks like this? Do you think like this? If so, what is the reasoning, and what could be so bad that nobody would like you? Thanks.

I realize not many ppl would want to come forward, but well, I’m just trying to get to the core of this sentiment.

2

I can confidently state the exact opposite.

if sumone knew the real me, they wud love me 4ever & never lemme go :-)

sumtimes i complain about poeple not kknowing much less appreciating the real me!

3

if someone know me, they will love it or like , but will not hate it. I guess.

and no body hates according to my knowledge! if there are some, then i know why ;)

4

I feel this way. Why/ Coz I've been talked into believing it all my life...constant belittling and insults from those I love make me believe that IF people knew me personally, if I opened up to them and shared with them my thoughts and words then they would do the same to me.

I've always been too afraid to let people in my heart and show them the real me..for fear that they may not like me and leave...yet I long for company, companionship and friendship.

My Knight has given me much love and he does know the real me..the emotional..over the edge, scared and fearful ME and I got full trust in him..but there is always a part of me that fears making a mistake...hurting him coz of my "badness".

It's like I'm my own worst enemy

5

Did you ever asked them why? I'm pretty sure they'll explain why :-)

I don't always think like this but I know why I do it. Because I'm a very critical person. I tend to be critical of everything I do or even about 'how I think' sometimes. IMO, when people say this they mean to say 'if you knew what is in my mind right now you wouldn't like me'...I can tell you most of them are not very open or express themselves freely in public. They may think that the thoughts they're keeping are not normal or good. Sometimes when they say this they could also mean they have guilt feelings about things they did in past. Like, for exmaple, if person A got someone fired at work and later felt that it was not right but didn't talk about it with anyone because person A thought 'if someone knew about it they wouldn't like me'. Things like these create a negative self-concept. I think the main cause of this is these people don't discuss or share their stuff with others. If they do, they will most probably create a better self-concept. I had a very negative self-concept before but when I started sharing things with siblings and close ones I found myself to be a better person.

6

We said the same thing but used different words…:smiley: :k:

:flower1:

7

:bummer:

Munni hey thats not the way you should think :hug:

I think like that too sometimes :smiley: A lot of times actually and mostly when I’m down :smiley:

but then I tell myself nawwww if I don’t like myself then who will :smiley: no one’s perfect anyway init, and neither can i be :smiley:

remember your own previous signature? :slight_smile:

8

One among the most famous people on earth felt this way too;

James Dean: "I wouldn't like me, if I had to be around me."

Anyway, personally I used to feel this way, not anymore. I now think there are all sort of people on earth, and you will be liked by some and disliked by others. Unless you're evil, there will always be someone that does like you, even after knowing you.

9

Same thought came to my mind couple of times, as I have always felt that the closest friends I had changed their attitudes after I revealed the real me and seriously, I don’t blame them for thinking that way and I don’t feel bad about it either, apart from the bad days I have :D

10

well i dont know whats the point of hiding your self or your feelings, i never try to fake i am what i am, if i like something ill say i like it if i dont ill say i dont, sometimes people say im to straight forward. Well atleast i dont fake!!!!! All these people who hide there personlities, weaknesses,depressions and stuff cant feel light till they share it, till they bring it out. Everyone should know what you are thinking some will mind what you are saying some would appreciate atleast u wont have to fake or fear of anyone finding something out!! Who cares if people like you or hate you if you know in your heart you are clean.

11

This wasnt about me, but thank you for your concern irem. You sweetie pie! pinches cheeks grin

12

don’t remember the last time someone pinched my cheeks :blush:

Thanks Munni :blush: :smiley:

13

I do say this but to my friends on net only. Reason is they brag abt me so nice and all and all i tell them is meet me first then i will believe anything you would say :D

14

Re: Why do so many ppl feel this way?

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Munni: *
I've come across a lot of individuals with the following sentiment.

"If anybody knew the real me, they wouldnt really like me or love me."

"If anybody knew what I was truly made up of, the thoughts I harbour, they could never love me or even like, because I am not a good person."

Know anyone who thinks like this? Do you think like this? If so, what is the reasoning, and what could be so bad that nobody would like you? Thanks.

I realize not many ppl would want to come forward, but well, I'm just trying to get to the core of this sentiment.
[/QUOTE]

wow! those are some harsh sentiments.
i personally don't believe that about myself...i wouldn't say i'm egotistical, but i do like myself and never felt that if ppl really knew me they wouldn't like me....actually the exact opposite is true.
i usually don't open up to ppl too much and so, very few ppl know the 'real me', but the ones who do know me...love me for who i am.

i did have a friend in high school who used to say that all the time, and when i asked her and she was willing to share her past with me...things had happened to her in the past that made her feel 'worthless' and 'not loved'.... that opinion of herself, changed, all she needed was to be surrounded by ppl that love her and told her that she is loved, and needed. she is a wonderful person, with a horrible past, but knowing that there are ppl in this world that love her, really helped and her opinion of herself improved...

i think any1 that says what you've quoted above, just needs to know that the past is the past, and that they have some1 to count on and they are loved now and will be in the future

15

Hmm, some interesting replies.

zidee, I've known some people that have been very "loved" by normal standards and still they feel that way, but yes I suppose a horrible past would contribute to such feelings.

I would also like to ask those that used to feel that way but no longer do...why did you feel that way before, and what made you change your mind about yourself? Was it what others said to you or you just decided to make a change?

Thanks for all replies, keep them coming.

16

yeah my best friend thinks like that... she's always like...

'if you only saw me when i was at home, you would hate me' or when soemone shows a slight bit of love for her shes like 'well thats cus they dont know the real me...'

well i think the real person is the person they are most of the times... when we're at home we are different neways cus of our family... we have the power to yell and scream for 10 minutes and be all happy in the next... and our family are the only beings who can handle that.. (personal opinion neways)..

people who have this complex i believe are insecure... or they have a past they are not very proud of... sometimes kids who have grown up seeing their parents argue (or divorced/separated) also blame themselves for the fights.. and then have this complex that they are bad people...

p.s i dont hate myself... i am wat i am... and if people choose to hate me thats fine... and if they like me.. then thats kewl too... but i dont have a complex bout it.. :)
pp.s aaah i love ya zidee

17

i guess i dont even know myself that well .. u either like me or dont like me.

18

Munni, what u say is relative. you might think those ppl are “loved” by normal standards, but if deep down they don’t feel loved and accepted, or there is some1 in their lives that constantly belittles them or makes them feel unloved, then they are going to have low self esteem and a bad impression of themselves.
actually while writing this i just remembered another girl who was in an abusive relationship and felt that she deserved to be in an abusive relationship because of her past. she felt worthless. no matter how much i and her other friendz tried to convince her otherwise, she still went ahead and married this man…that is physically and emotionally abusive to this educated woman, who has THE lowest self esteem and the lowest opinion of herself.
sometimes ppl change, sometimes, there’s nothing we can do to change them…no matter how much we try

Sadzzz, oh thanks sweety, i lub u 2…u r the sweetest lil sis :hug:

19

maybe its the fear of being not accepted ?

20

awww zidee :)

batameez... i dont think its a fear of not being accepted... they do get accepted but they dont allow themselves to be.. its wierd.. in their mind they claim that they dont have the right to have loyal friends... i think all they are craving for is true friendship and love... some understanding and patience..

i have a friend who grew up with all sorts of trouble.. not from his family.. just he was on the wrong track... most of the times that lead him off the rails was betrayal from friends.. and girls who pretended to love him... and that led him to push everyone away.. he wouldnt let anyone in on his secrets.. except for one girl.. and that girl in the end did the same thing...

all he needed was someone to listen to him.. no matter what retarded things he said.. i think eh just wanted to be understood... the sad thing with him was.. he loved someone.. and the girl loved him back too... lekin he was so ashamed of his past... he didnt tell her until he was getting married.... i wish no one would make that mistake... we have no right to judge ourselves or others... lets Allah Mian know whats best for us...