[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sadzzz: *
awww zidee :)
batameez... i dont think its a fear of not being accepted... they do get accepted but they dont allow themselves to be.. its wierd.. in their mind they claim that they dont have the right to have loyal friends... i think all they are craving for is true friendship and love... some understanding and patience..
i have a friend who grew up with all sorts of trouble.. not from his family.. just he was on the wrong track... most of the times that lead him off the rails was betrayal from friends.. and girls who pretended to love him... and that led him to push everyone away.. he wouldnt let anyone in on his secrets.. except for one girl.. and that girl in the end did the same thing...
all he needed was someone to listen to him.. no matter what retarded things he said.. i think eh just wanted to be understood... the sad thing with him was.. he loved someone.. and the girl loved him back too... lekin he was so ashamed of his past... he didnt tell her until he was getting married.... i wish no one would make that mistake... we have no right to judge ourselves or others... lets Allah Mian know whats best for us...
[/QUOTE]
thats the point .... from there view they think they are not ...
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Munni: *
I've come across a lot of individuals with the following sentiment.
"If anybody knew the real me, they wouldnt really like me or love me."
"If anybody knew what I was truly made up of, the thoughts I harbour, they could never love me or even like, because I am not a good person."
Know anyone who thinks like this? Do you think like this? If so, what is the reasoning, and what could be so bad that nobody would like you? Thanks.
I realize not many ppl would want to come forward, but well, I'm just trying to get to the core of this sentiment.
[/QUOTE]
All you need to do lady is find someone worse than you. Meet me if you want to or i should arrange a meeting between you and my career adviser(in school ofcourse). Every time i see her i feel i am the best person alive and every body i know feel that.
i went through that phase a few times it only alsted for a couple of seconds though :D its probably bcos i spend too much time worrying abt other ppl in my life which is a really bad thing in its own way
All you need to do lady is find someone worse than you. Meet me if you want to or i should arrange a meeting between you and my career adviser(in school ofcourse). Every time i see her i feel i am the best person alive and every body i know feel that.
[/QUOTE]
This post isnt about me, but why would you say that you are worse than me? hmm
we have the power to yell and scream for 10 minutes and be all happy in the next... and our family are the only beings who can handle that.. (personal opinion neways)..
[/QUOTE]
Why do you feel only family can handle that?
I agree that everyone wants to be understood by someone. However there are people that when they feel they are being understood, they run from that person. How to explain that?
I agree that everyone wants to be understood by someone. However there are people that when they feel they are being understood, they run from that person. How to explain that?
[/QUOTE]
ah huh!! u know why? cus people are scared that someone may not TOO much bout them.... they hate knowing that there is someone out there who knows something about them.. which they only want to keep to themselves... (i have a friend with the same problem!)
hmm, i know someone like that too.. and from what i have seen and heard, i think the reason for this is lack of self confidence and self-esteem... this girl i am talking about is terribly insecure, over-sensitive and too emotional. she is in her thirties now, but she still seems to crave acceptance from her peers. when things don't go her way, she has an emotional tantrum and becomes self-destructive, i.e. does things that are bound to impact her even more negatively in the future. i think she does this mainly to get attention and sympathy. perhaps she had a difficult childhood, didn't get enough attention or care- or perceived that she didn't get enough attention... so i tried to be there for her, to listen and provide her the moral support she needed, to advise as best as i could without being judgmental... but i feel that i am not completely up to this, as it makes me feel depressed too.. also i have my own responsibilities... and then other people tell me not to hang out with her too much as she has a bad reputation... i wouldn't care about it so much if i felt i was helping her, but i don't seem to have any effect on her at all, she listens when she needs someone and when things are going well, she ignores everything i have ever said to her. dunno what else to do :(
Phoenix - in my opinion u shouldn't give up on her...she needs a friend, this the exact type of thing i went through with my friend....my parents didnt want me to hang out with her cuz she "would be a bad influence on me". but i stuck by my friend and feel that i was eventually able to help her...and i turned out alright...(at least i think so)!
i think we should "be there" for our friends when they need us the least...
friendship through thick and thin! - i'm sure its hard work.
its not easy being a friend to some1 that sometimes makes u feel they r using u...but i really think, these ppl need a helping hand and some consistency in their lives. if u really probe into their lives, u'll see they have unstable pasts (what ever that might mean)!
^ hmm, she tells me that she has started seeing some psychiatrist or counsellor. i don’t really see the point of it because i think the only person that can really help her is her own self. but if it helps her, more power to her… yep, it definitely is hard work… know what, the other day, i said to her that if she continues with the wrong things she is doing, then she is going to lose her credibility or trust with the friends that she does have… that i for one cannot condone her making the same mistakes over and over again. and know what she said? “you’re giving me an ultimatum, you’re putting a condition on my friendship by saying that you won’t be my friend if i don’t listen to you.” of course i am going to be there for her… underneath her fatheaded ways, there is a nice, good person waiting to be discovered. i really do believe that, i wish she would too.
but the thing is, u can’t spoonfeed such people all your life. you kinda hope that at some point they will sit up and stop making a doormat of themselves and show strength of character. how is that person that you helped doing? is she fairly independent now?
I am so sorry to hear that this person is so self destructive that she can’t even see when ppl r trying to help…its unfortunate!
you see…my friend always appreciated my trying and told me so. she really felt needed and loved when i talked to her and told her all the reasons she should live and not to continue to put herself down…this doesnt accomplish anything!
phoenix - i completely agree with you, “you can’t spoon feed such people all your life”. there does have to b time…when u have to realize that your efforts have failed and once that “friend” realizes what he/she has lost – a friend who truly cared. he/she will do one of the following: either…come back and be a true friend or will write it off as some1 else has hurt them in life.
its so unfortunate that people can’t see when some1 is being genuinely friendly and caring!
well, my friend…she’s doing okay…its just that, its not her fault, but her life really sucks! and we have recently lost touch cuz too much was going on in both of our lives and we both were too stressed to the max and couldnt deal with it…
but she is a fairly independent woman and doing gr8 in her own life… she actually reached a point recently where she realized that she needs professional help, cuz no matter what she does, its too much for her.
she is a very intellegent woman, who is also in medical school, and going through a lot of issues at home with family…but she NEVER EVER talks of being useless or worthless. she has a lot of issues to deal with, but her self esteem has improved significantly.
i’m sorry to hear that your friend isn’t able to see how much u care for her!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Munni: *
I've come across a lot of individuals with the following sentiment.
"If anybody knew the real me, they wouldnt really like me or love me."
"If anybody knew what I was truly made up of, the thoughts I harbour, they could never love me or even like, because I am not a good person."
Know anyone who thinks like this? Do you think like this?
[/QUOTE]
ive never thought like that..
hmm yeah but one of my friend shes sumwat like tht, dunno why but she wants to keep certain aspects of her personality to stay hidden not from all but from the one she loves cuz she thinks he'll start hatin her for tht , well i think he knows anyways lol.. oops i dint mean to laugh lol
of course i am going to be there for her… underneath her fatheaded ways, there is a nice, good person waiting to be discovered. i really do believe that, i wish she would too.