Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
I have a question though, why don't these professional young women attempt to find a spouse among Muslims of a different ethnic group? It seems to me (and I may be completely mistaken in this) that the Pakistani community is rather insular in this respect.
I think one of the big reasons is it's a bit out of the comfort zone (culture wise)
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
And the other point before anyone tries to pull this one: Yes, my parents could potentially find someone for me, BUT 1) they have been working their behinds off with multiple jobs and can't afford the Paris Hilton dawats some people throw nor do they have time for it and 2) this would mean your parents have to be sociable, which in many Pakistani communities in the US means keeping up with the Jones's and my parents don't do well with that.
And then add to that fact that people are busy in their 20's building their careers, so time lapses by.
There is a huge number of young professional women in their late 20's and 30's in the US, perfectly traditional, perfectly able to raise a proper muslim family, and where are the guys? Running back to Pakistan to find a bride because of their mom's backwards thinking that girls from there are better. Keep up with these ideas, I wont be surprised that pretty soon you're going to see more and more professional young women marrying out of Islam.
So who're we gonna hold responsible for all the above? Our Parents, ourselves, our careers, our community?
No one is denying that there no potential girls around but the hurdle is to reach them. Guys don't always run back to Pakistan by their mother's choice but by ease of finding the girl or sometimes they just prefer because of some personal experience. Even it goes same for me, if I won't find the girl here then I'll be bound to use the other option.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
I have never met any guy who have married and moved except one friend’s brother who married a girl from Australia and moved.I call his wife Australian Aid. 
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
And the other point before anyone tries to pull this one: Yes, my parents could potentially find someone for me, BUT 1) they have been working their behinds off with multiple jobs and can't afford the Paris Hilton dawats some people throw nor do they have time for it and 2) this would mean your parents have to be sociable, which in many Pakistani communities in the US means keeping up with the Jones's and my parents don't do well with that.
And then add to that fact that people are busy in their 20's building their careers, so time lapses by.
There is a huge number of young professional women in their late 20's and 30's in the US, perfectly traditional, perfectly able to raise a proper muslim family, and where are the guys? Running back to Pakistan to find a bride because of their mom's backwards thinking that girls from there are better. Keep up with these ideas, I wont be surprised that pretty soon you're going to see more and more professional young women marrying out of Islam.
They're there, hidden somewhere.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
I think the reason why alot of people do that is sometimes it can get hard to find a good match in US especially your desi circle isn’t big and you cannot imagine marring someone whos not desi. Also, when you marry someone from pakistan, they will tend to be less picky in terms of looks, age, money and other things because for them leaving pakistan and getting US citizenship is a big enough deal. whether their marriages are successful or not I dont know, just because a marriage does not end in divorce, does not make it succesful.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
just because a marriage does not end in divorce, does not make it successful.
Very well said. This is so true in our desi community. I've seen some really ill stuff with some married men and women. It's really turned me off marriage in the future. Married men trying to get dates with single women and married women raised not abroad(just in case ALL women not raised abroad are considered purity personified) taking flirtation from single men a little too far. Just because these people go by the status of "married" there's nothing wrong in their behavior. Not judging them but I just feel like there is no value in the sacred bond of marriage anymore.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
I have never met any guy who have married and moved except one friend's brother who married a girl from Australia and moved.I call his wife Australian Aid. :)
I actually know many guys who have married Australian/pak girls and have moved here... I dont call it Australian Aid... I call it a better future
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
So this goes for guys and girls both..and yes this will be a lecture...
a) married someone from Pakistan, because of views about local ppl...hos, loser drop outs...whatever
b) married a pakistani raised in the west like themselves but not you
Usually it is (b)
There are many girls here married to guys who grew up locally too. and those guys are not some left overs for a rummage sale.
Examples of that are same city, same khandaan where some have few issues if any finding a spouse and others seem to have a lot of issues.
(a) is the same reason for guys and girls...well a couple of different angles
i) they felt that they can only get leftovers...so they go to the bigger pond, because they may have better chances there
II) they want to punch above their fighting weight and think that the US citizenship will get them a little advantage over local guys or girls who otherwise may have been more preferred candidates.
III) they have stupid ideas that all girls in US are a bunch of hos, well except sister dearest of course, or guys are losers except for brother dear
iv) family marriages are a trend, and there are fewer candidates here
So going back to (b), there can be very serious limitations if someone is of a very small sect/ethnicity group and especially if they are stuck in palookaville
.... and then it takes a lot of very active, very involved networking on either the parents part or the candidates part to go find someone.
The ultimate mess there is families where the parents are not social, and the candidates can't or are not good at doing this on their own. Timing is extremely critical, because in a desired age group there is a finite population and they are all getting hooked up over a certain age range...the more who get hooked up, the less options.
Pair those options with stringent demands and you get to zero very quickly. There is always give and take. yes everyone wants cream of the crop, and that gets picked up quick.
Many people have unrealistic demands, and say no to very good candidates... not realizing that every week and month the field is drastically reducing.
If you say no to someone is not like they will sit around waiting for you to come back. It takes time for it to sink in that hmmm avg quality of ppl I am meeting now is not as good, yep...because the others are spoken for now. among those, are the ones who were not good enough a few months or years ago.
In some cases people over estimate themselves, because the way they are gauging the candidates compared to an idealized image or check boxes, then they have to realize that using the same sort of scale, they may not be top of class themselves.
I had to break it to a good friend of mine and it was a reality check for him that while he wants a combo of angelina jolie and mother terra, he is no brad pitt and edhi, he said hearing it stung but it sunk in and he sorted himself out.
I lost one pal who claimed I was not helping her find anyone. but those I did, she rejected, waffled around on my own cousin and a few years later the guys were married, and i did not know anyone single in late 30s or early 40s to introduce her too, and she took her anger and frustration out on me and just cut me off.
In some cases they have requirements that will kill the field..one dude who used to be here was asking me to help him find someone and i ask for requirements and its well, educated, muslim, local born and raised to someone who has been here for a while.. i said dude...tell me specifics, complexion, build, ethnicity, anything..because if someone does not meet your basic requirements I am not going to waste her or your time. the first girl I showed him...he was like well she is okay looking and she is not my ethnicity...its like dude...she is above your punching class, but fine say no, but next time tell me your ethnicity is so important that it would be a cause of saying no. So years later dude is still single, what can i say. I gave up on such wishy washy stuff.
One girl I knew wanted someone with light eyes and boyish looks...its like lady you are in your 30s, the dude will be in his 30s, he will not look like he is 22, and you want blue or green eyes...really, can i just buy the bloke some lenses?
Yes there are problems, i dont disagree...but a huge number of them are self created in our community, by what I noted above and by not having venues and programs for eligible ppl to meet, dating is a no no, community events everyone is in everyone's business, ...rishta aunties, isna meets dont suit everyone and the events are not often enough anyways.
I have told anyone in my family who has struggled to really look at what they want, and what is must have, really important, nice to have etc.
It is hard, very hard to sit down and cut your ideal profile to basics, it is harder to be pragmatic and know that if you are a 5'3" dark dude with receding hairline and are not making 6 figures that the likelihood that some hoor pari is going to go for you is low...sorry to be so blunt, but that has to be factored in.
and just for the record, I have a huge family in US, no one who was here had to go back to get married, everyone found someone here, whether that person was born and raised here or moved here as a kid or for college. including one of my cousins who divorced her husband and remarried. The only person who went for a dude in Pakistan was wife's cousin who was divorced and went for a guy in Pakistan, except he was an american desi who had moved there for a project he was leading