Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
I agree with those above who said, all in west should not be painted with the same brush, On the contrary, have seen parents living in west make a lot more effort in trying to build morals of their kids than those in Pakistan who think, kids are going to learn these by default.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
^haania06 raises a good point. Many people assume that people born and raised in West are, by virtue of being born here, westernised but that is not always the case. Personally, I've noticed (and this may be different in different communities) that the people who look for a spouse "back home" often are not all that "westernised" despite living in the West.
While at uni I knew two people that, at first impression, one would think had only recently immigrated. However, their families had been living in Britain for the last 3+ decades and they had been born and raised here. As haania06 described, they seemed to be living in their own mini Pakistan. With that in mind, I don't find it terribly difficult to believe that they would have more in common and get on better with someone from Pakistan than someone from here.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
I don't get how mothers in the West can judge girls in the West like that. I mean if they have daughters themselves, how can they be that stupid and judgemental. I agree with one of the posters above that those mothers that have lived in Pakistan and then come here still think that the "mahool" is still the same in Pakistan.
In both the West and East you can find girls that are either good or bad. It just depends on where you look. Neither should they so be judgmental towards those raised in the West and neither should we always assume that they married their sons off to Pakistani girls for the reason that they are very seedhi-sadhi. I'm sure some of us have one parent who was born in the West and the other parent may have been born in Pakistan.
But we do need to stop painting girls from the West with the same brush and the same for the girls from Pakistan. I've seen girls in West who don't indulge in the "bad" activities and I've also seen girls who are wilder than you can imagine in Pakistan. Every girl is a different person and has their own personality. Of course if a girl has been born in the West she will be somewhat different to her Pakistani counterpart, no matter how conservative her upbringing may have been in the West. Both have completely different environments and are exposed to different situations.
I'm born and brought up in London and I've never been clubbing, neither do I drink or smoke and I have never had boyfriends. So can everyone stop judging girls from the West and stop assuming we are bad girls. Perhaps people judge us because in Pakistan in "most" cases girls are sheltered and they don't do the most mundane tasks that we girls do without even thinking twice about it. Whereas in Pakistan they would get those things done by their naukar, or their husband, father and/or brother. However, now in Pakistan girls are becoming more independent and are handling certain things by themselves.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
Has anyone actually considered WHY mothers prefer to marry their sons back home? There is another side to this. I was born and raised abroad and the amount of pakistani Muslim girls I went to uni with who were 1) having boyfriends (multiple) 2) drinking 3) clubbing 4) deceiving their parents "oh ammi I am sleeping over at such and such's place because her parents are in Pakistan to visit family" when really they were out all night is unmentionable!! I am not saying girls from Pakistan are corrupt-free BUT when our mothers here view such behaviour from girls here of course they want to run back home to marry of their sons-it's inevitable. Especially for mothers such as mine (my mom wasn't even a teenager when she moved here) and seeing such behaviour is downright scary. So our mothers somehow view Pakistan society as being what it was 20 years ago when it was all good and fine- times have changed. The difficulty arises though when mothers want their daughters to be married to guys abroad or in the same country as they are and they want girls for their sons from Pakistan for reasons described above. I myself am married to a guy from here but for my brother my parents preference is finding a girl back home (for reasons noted). So basically if mothers are going back home to marry their sons off, the behaviour of some girls here unfortunately reflects negatively on everyone and we have this situation. I'm not saying it's right but I can see why and how it has arisen and to be honest I certainly wouldn't want my brother married to any girl who was engaged in the type of behaviour iv made reference to (not saying that a girl from Pakistan wouldn't do any of those things BUT we are considering what we are exposed to here and can see what is happening and the behaviour of some girls here).
And you think this isn't happening in Pakistan. You really need to visit Pakistan again.
But i do agree that mothers’ wanting girls from Pakistan is a big trend here in the US. Here are few reasons i think that is. You can get a prettier girl, and more educated (Doctor) girl from Pakistan for the same guys who wouldn't be able to get that if he looked here. Not because the girls here aren't pretty or educated, but because there demands for a guy are MUCH, MUCH higher. I have seen that so much. The mothers are picky as well.
OP you are really generalizing a lot. There are plenty of marriage that does work. The couple might have to work harder at it and would need to be more open to change. Unwillingness to change is what causes problems. Also what you don't realize that there is a group of easterner that is VERY westernized...and fit very well in the culture.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
"why do people from the west end up marrying losers from the east?"
probably a more pertinent question?
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
And you think this isn't happening in Pakistan. You really need to visit Pakistan again. But i do agree that mothers’ wanting girls from Pakistan is a big trend here in the US. Here are few reasons i think that is. You can get a prettier girl, and more educated (Doctor) girl from Pakistan for the same guys who wouldn't be able to get that if he looked here. Not because the girls here aren't pretty or educated, but because there demands for a guy are MUCH, MUCH higher. I have seen that so much. The mothers are picky as well.
OP you are really generalizing a lot. There are plenty of marriage that does work. The couple might have to work harder at it and would need to be more open to change. Unwillingness to change is what causes problems. Also what you don't realize that there is a group of easterner that is VERY westernized...and fit very well in the culture.
I visit Pakistan every year for 1-2 weeks. If you read my post properly you would have realized that I have noted that "girls in Pakistan are not corrupt free." Of course girls abroad have higher standards because we don't just want to marry for the visa- a lot of girls from Pakistan WILL settle because of the attraction associated with living abroad.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
That’s the thing. Easy to get a nice doctor girl from Pakistan for your son.
So yeah, I’m sure these are the numero uno gems of interest to families abroad. I know of one such girl, she is single and cute, let me know if anyone is interested for their brother 
I’m sure she will leap for the opportunity.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
I think it depends on a case by case situation. Some people who live in the west are still very traditional and in touch with their values & religion. So girls in a similar environment would be better off with guys back home.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
Aap nahi karye ga Pakistani se shadi. Jan chaddo. Dhond lo Canadian, kis ne roka hay.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
IF SHE’s not planning to use her degree, good luck to her as MIL dearest chose her because of her earning potential in the US. And god forbid if she isn’t able to pass her USMLEs or get residency, and has to do something like gasp nursing etc. Disappointed hubby and in laws will never let her hear the end of it. Because this is America, na, everyone needs to earn ! But also remember she will need to still do major share of the housework and look after in laws and everything because burri baat hay, we are desis.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
I think unmarried girls shouldnt be allowed in Life 1…
mods, is there somehow we can disable Life 1 based on profiles? Seriously
to the op, that was a huge generalisation you made in regards to western girls marrying eastern boys ending in divorce..
I’ve seen many successful marriages of this kind, but then again, I have seen divorces, of many kind too.
GS is not the be all end all of the Pakistani community. In fact, there are many happily married Pakistanis who never even make it on gupshup… shock horror.
Another thing to note, not a lot of people post about their happy marriages.. because if we did, we would sound all stuck up and snooty-faced. Cus really, who really reads/watches a a nice happy drama? there is no value in that in anyone else’s life. Juices only flow, and a crowd is only ever around where a nasty situation is brewing.
There are ups and downs in every marriage. Doesnt matter what sort of marriage you have. There WILL be ups and downs… I guaranty you that.
Marriage doesnt start with a ferrari and end in a rikshaw…
Stay happy. Stay out of Life 1 :k:
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
My brother married a girl from Pakistan because he thought those girls are more family oriented and NOT KHARAAB. Another brother married a girl from US because he thought his mentality wouldn't match with girls from Pakistan because they have different lifestyle.
I never wanted to marry a guy from Pakistan that I have encountered since I did not wanted to be his ticket to America. Also, I feel like men over there are more agressive and my mentality does not match with them.
Choosing people from east or west is all destined by God so don't making any generalization.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
I am actually married.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
People from the West marry from the East because they can and want to. I was born and raised in the U.S. and I my wife was born and raised in the tribal areas of Pakistan. I cannot be happier. I am very close to my Pakistani culture. I have learned to read and write in Urdu and Pashto from my parents on my free time. I watch a lot of Pakistani T.V. I take part in lots of Pakistani events. I go back to Pakistan every one to two years and take my wife with me.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
I think people from the West marry from the East because, in some cases, they are quite in touch with their culture despite living in the West and have more in common and get on better with someone from back home.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
It's just hard to network with people in the West. There are plenty of girls such as what Pashtun Warrior describes. It's not like Western countries are devoid of traditional people, it's just that there aren't many venues to meet them. Any time you try to organize a mixed-gender gathering in the States, there are communities (not all but enough) that block you from doing it.
Growing up, eid gatherings were often segregated here, because a FEW families wanted it that way and they threw big enough of a stink that organizers were forced to draw curtains between the men and women. FACT: There is a huge memon community around where I live, and I only know ONE guy from that community, and I wouldn't even talk to him growing up because it was considered inappropriate. From my Islamic school classes growing up, I have no idea what happened to any of those guys - no clue where they are now. The local masjids around where I live - super segregated. Sometime two years ago, I was at taraweeh one night waiting for a work colleague to finish up his namaz, and so I was in the atrium area of the masjid where I THOUGHT men AND women are allowed to stand and wait for family members. I was ACTUALLY ASKED to walk out of there, because I was a girl. No lie. And that was the most liberal mosque in that city.
So, in an environment like this, it's no surprise people have difficulty meeting with each other, and even normal well sociable people are finding themselves trying websites like single muslim or shaadi dot com, etc. And it's no suprise that when families in Pakistan provide a reference for someone for rishta, that people are open to looking. At this point, even I've considered looking into rishtas abroad. And that was something I totally was NEVER open to before.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
In fact, there is a thread up in this very forum right now, active, where the idea of talking to your spouse before marriage is actually being questioned, including from an Islamic perspective. 
I mean really. Our culture is the only one I think that makes finding a mate so hard.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
As PCG mentioned, same trouble my cousin having for finding the girl here in Canada because of no network plus not many opportunities to see the potential girls from the same community. He also brought up here but prefer to marry a girl from Pakistan but the lengthy immigration process is stopping him.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
And the other point before anyone tries to pull this one: Yes, my parents could potentially find someone for me, BUT 1) they have been working their behinds off with multiple jobs and can't afford the Paris Hilton dawats some people throw nor do they have time for it and 2) this would mean your parents have to be sociable, which in many Pakistani communities in the US means keeping up with the Jones's and my parents don't do well with that.
And then add to that fact that people are busy in their 20's building their careers, so time lapses by.
There is a huge number of young professional women in their late 20's and 30's in the US, perfectly traditional, perfectly able to raise a proper muslim family, and where are the guys? Running back to Pakistan to find a bride because of their mom's backwards thinking that girls from there are better. Keep up with these ideas, I wont be surprised that pretty soon you're going to see more and more professional young women marrying out of Islam.
Re: Why do people from the West marry people from the East?
Keep up with these ideas, I wont be surprised that pretty soon you're going to see more and more professional young women marrying out of Islam.
I have a question though, why don't these professional young women attempt to find a spouse among Muslims of a different ethnic group? It seems to me (and I may be completely mistaken in this) that the Pakistani community is rather insular in this respect.