Re: why do parents expect from kids wat they never taught?
Good hadith you brought up. It's possible to discipline your children with them not being under a social rock. Hazrat Ali (as) does not mean grab your child by the neck from 7-14, protecting and scolding them over every tiny thing.
its not saying of hazrat ali,its also hadith...n i never said to grab ur child's neck or keep scolding them...is that the only way to protect n do tarbiyaah???
Re: why do parents expect from kids wat they never taught?
is it possible that since ur parents were not EDUCATED ENOUGH for you,you didnt want to listen to them or u never really wanted to get the message? and abt kids dancing on songs ,u urself said that even if parents dont listen to music kids still get exposed to it. Dude seriously tell me how can we stop our kids from all this exposure ?even if u ban the cartoons how are u going to prevent the couple on the street from kissing?
also do all niqais and hijaabans are pious n virgins? n where do u put corrupt moolvis in all this? they know everything abt religion n nazar ka parda n zanna,so how will u justify the way moolvis stare at even little girls and how will u blame a moolvis' parents if he abuses a little girl ?,..............n yes i personally know a girl with whom all of this happened n she was mere 5 years old ,do u blame her parents?
think abt it seriously, i think whatever u did ,u r just trying to lessen ur guilt n sense of ghunna by blaming ur parents
Re: why do parents expect from kids wat they never taught?
From what I understand, you (1 ummah) are saying that just like a teacher supervises kids at all times, parents must monitor the kids, you can't not know what they're up to, otherwise you're just irresponsible. I agree. You try to teach them all that is on the syllabus (or in this case, all that's in the Quran/Hadith), how else do you expect them to succeed? I agree.
But what you're not saying is that it is up to the kids to learn, you can't force it down their throats. That said, if they don't make an effort or if they misbehave, they *will *get detention and they *will *get grounded. If they don't, that just means the teacher/parent doesn't care. Now detention doesn't mean you use violence or give them some extreme punishment but that you discipline them. What I don't agree with is your idea of disciplining the kids which sounds like isolating them from the modern society.
The way I see it, we should definitely give them access to the internet but use parental controls and restrict online social networking until whatever age you think is appropriate for that. Give them mobile phones but limit their credit usage. Allow them to watch television and movies but monitor what they're watching and perhaps once a month ask them to write an essay on what they liked the best and why - just a way to make it all more intellectual. Even if you don't let them watch tele, they'll hear all about it at school, from friends, from neighbours, from relatives, from any exposure to the outside world just like you know all about sheela ki jawani despite not listening to music yourself at home.
Allow them and encourage them to make friends from various different cultures/religions but make sure they are aware of what is acceptable/unacceptable in their own culture/religion. Your kids are going to feel pretty darn isolated, left out and frustrated if you are so hell-bent on imposing religion that you deprive them of these things, which in turn might make them bitter and rebellious. They aren't going to be able to survive in the modern, multicultural, technological society. Islam teaches us tolerance and moderation. You have to be strict yet affectionate plus you have to act like their counselor as they're so sensitive, emotional and naive at that age.
To sum up, two short quotes I read somewhere:
"Parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who step on their toes."
"A son/daughter is a little boy/girl who grows up to be a best friend.”
Once the kids leave school, the teacher's responsibility ends. A parent's responsbility never really ends but once the kids become adults, parents should switch roles from supervisors to best friends. By the time we're 18, our personalities have pretty much developed. If you've taught your kids the mannerisms of Islam and the modern society, that will reflect in their personalities and you can stop worrying about them going astray once they become adults. So I agree with the thread title in that you reap what you sow.
Re: why do parents expect from kids wat they never taught?
its not saying of hazrat ali,its also hadith...n i never said to grab ur child's neck or keep scolding them...is that the only way to protect n do tarbiyaah???
I'm pretty sure the saying of how to treat your offspring for the 7 year periods is a hadith from Hazrat Ali (as), at least Shias believe so.
Tarbiyyat of your child is important, and not just for the well being of the kid, for the parents as well. If you keep your child under a rock, the kids more attracted to rebel, and the parents will not be viewed as ideal parents. Let them breathe. Your thinking is twisted. You don't even belong in 11 hijri, forget 1432.
If you want tarbiyyat, actually have dinner at the table with the whole family discuss with your kids, talk about their days, what they're doing, going to do etc. Tell them right from wrong at a young age, make sure they hang out with the right kids. Tarbiyyat-e-aulaad is not putting a physical and MENTAL niqaab on your baligh daughter, and making your son a hafiz at 13.
Re: why do parents expect from kids wat they never taught?
This is a lame excuse for a pious man,When there is a will there is a way.
Re: why do parents expect from kids wat they never taught?
is it possible that since ur parents were not EDUCATED ENOUGH for you,you didnt want to listen to them or u never really wanted to get the message? and abt kids dancing on songs ,u urself said that even if parents dont listen to music kids still get exposed to it. Dude seriously tell me how can we stop our kids from all this exposure ?even if u ban the cartoons how are u going to prevent the couple on the street from kissing? also do all niqais and hijaabans are pious n virgins? n where do u put corrupt moolvis in all this? they know everything abt religion n nazar ka parda n zanna,so how will u justify the way moolvis stare at even little girls and how will u blame a moolvis' parents if he abuses a little girl ?,..............n yes i personally know a girl with whom all of this happened n she was mere 5 years old ,do u blame her parents? think abt it seriously, i think whatever u did ,u r just trying to lessen ur guilt n sense of ghunna by blaming ur parents
society society society yes this is the basic problem wat ever u said is because of** society is full of corruption ant fitnah ** so yes for complete solution we need to** change society n that is wat u shud join us in doing
basic point in this thread is parents responsibility,one parents shud realize wat kind of society they r living in and due to which their responsibility has multiplied
the molvi n baperda ones r also grown up in this society n majority of perda is not based on **concept from islam,i know girls leave home in hijab n ut it in their bags wen r in uni,n we have hafiz from good families duin haram,y because i dont think they r given concepts while duin hifz,they most prob dont know meaning of most of the surahs
we r doomed because of this very fact that we dont have and r not given concepts
it was the responsibility of that 5yr old's parents to stay wid her
the biggest mistake parents make;leaving kids wid servants n molvis(esp girls) i know masjid molvis r usually frustrated n psychos
so nor we have secure,pure society,nor we have teachers n parents who realize wat is the situation,neither they have concepts to give.
to build shakhsiyah it is mandatory to build nafsiyah
Re: why do parents expect from kids wat they never taught?
I'm pretty sure the saying of how to treat your offspring for the 7 year periods is a hadith from Hazrat Ali (as), at least Shias believe so.
Tarbiyyat of your child is important, and not just for the well being of the kid, for the parents as well. If you keep your child under a rock, the kids more attracted to rebel, and the parents will not be viewed as ideal parents. Let them breathe. Your thinking is twisted. You don't even belong in 11 hijri, forget 1432.
If you want tarbiyyat, actually have dinner at the table with the whole family discuss with your kids, talk about their days, what they're doing, going to do etc. Tell them right from wrong at a young age, make sure they hang out with the right kids. Tarbiyyat-e-aulaad is not putting a physical and MENTAL niqaab on your baligh daughter, and making your son a hafiz at 13.
ji i agree wid ur suggestion n ur daughter wont feel any dbao or isolation in wearing hijab,if that is wat her mother does practices n she knows it is fard just like 5 prayers,razah in ramadan n Allah will be angry otherwise ...it will be normal n she will be confident n proud
Re: why do parents expect from kids wat they never taught?
This is a lame excuse for a pious man,When there is a will there is a way.
this is reality bro,i cant go unplugging cables of evry relative i visit,or smack the sound systems of restaurants or recorders in buses!!
no one cares if i ask them to switch it off!!
wat du u want me to do? put chunna in my ears or through tezab on those who listen musik around me
if i ask sum 1 not 2 listen i get reply"bota molvi na bn"!! or "islam bus tumhay hi atta hai"
Re: why do parents expect from kids wat they never taught?
i know parents,dawah carrier (who i wish were mine),their kids kids at age of 12 r clear about everything, besides having complete understanding of how they r suppose to live, they know the society is corrupt n we(their family) is working for rectification of society though islam,
they pray 5 times,do hijab n even do dawah,sumtimes they r so bold that the parents tell them to calmdown,dont be SO straightforward! but bchay man k sachay!!
Re: why do parents expect from kids wat they never taught?
Is the assumption that if parents lead by example, as well as give proper instruction and guidance, kids will obey?
Re: why do parents expect from kids wat they never taught?
Is the assumption that if parents lead by example, as well as give proper instruction and guidance, kids will obey?
Using the teacher's example again, if all kids did what they were told to and expected to do, there would be no one failing. This shouldn't stop the teachers from doing their job to the best of their abilities.
Re: why do parents expect from kids wat they never taught?
^of course. but when we see a kid "fail," it shouldn't only/alwats be the teachers who are to blame. young adults need to take responsibility for their behavior.