Re: Why do Pakistanii men make the worst husbands?
Hit a nerve, have I?
Why don't you have a look thru my 'likes' to other ppls comments if you're so interested?
I'm not keen on ppl who are overly patriotic and blind to their faults, whatever their race or nationality..
(I'm not 'pure' desi btw and I don't have blind support or loyalty to any country)
SOME gori women do stay with bad husbands and boyfriends but generally speaking it's not encouraged by culture/society/family as much..
No, you didn't hit a nerve.Why should you have?
I don't see any overly patriotic people who are blind to their faults here. Maybe you can point them out to me?
I didn't say that you blindly support any nationality. But your behavior is notable. And don't come again with me being a blind patriotic, because it's getting old and based on nothing.
Ok, I just checked your likes in this thread, and you liked one comment, which doesn't exactly contradict my comment.
Re: Why do Pakistanii men make the worst husbands?
It was pretty interesting hearing everyone's views here, including deeba's.
My experience with Pakistani men and British men of Pakistani origin is basically summed up in my story below. I am still not sure whether most Pakistani men will fir the spectrum range of all the men in my life.
4 years ago my bhabhi basically wanted me to marry her brother in the UK. He was a student at Bedfordshire university and was involved with a gori, who later became a solicitor. Once we were married in this watta satta ki shaadi I moved to the UK from Pakistan and I found out on the first night that my husband had not wanted to marry me and had been forced to marry me to improve my bhabhi's standing in my meika back home in Lahore. He even continued his affair with that gori.
My in-laws accused me of being a bad wife. I tried to prove them wrong by being the best bivi and bahu possible.
My hubby did not love me at all, yet I tried everything to win him over. i tried being the best and most obedient wife a man can have. I went to the extent of not calling my relatives in Pakistan without my husband's permission and by staying up late all night to await his arrival home and massage him, getting little sleep, waking up early to help him prepare for work and doing all the housework.
But though my in-laws attitude did change, my husband was now madly in love with that girl. He said he will divorce me, but I pleaded to him not to. I said he could marry that other girl (in an Islamic ceremony) without divorcing me.
No woman can accept another wife in her husband's life, but I was MAJBOOR. I had no other choice to save myself from divorce.
I took up my own job, rented out a flat but my husband changed his mind altogether just a few weeks later and sent the divorce papers.
I tried to avoid putting the blame on him in front of my family for the divorce, because I did not want my divorce to affect my brother's marriage. But some time later, my family in Pakistan found out about what had really happened, and thougj they were angry,thankfully nothing changed in my bhabhi's life.
I think OP has a point, i dont know many pakistani men in pakistan who generally do household chores regularly and unless they have to on the odd occasion.
There was one only person i knew who did all the chores willingly (hes passed away now), partly because it was his obliging nature to help out and partly because his wife was constantly sick, and he had 6 kids to look after, (no family around) so he just got on with it.
But thats it, and those were special circumstances. But the thing is, he was looked down upon by some 'men' ( who lounged around all day), and his wife was criticised for getting him to do everything.
So nadz also has a point, the mothers instil in them its not their job, and these women deride/ mock other women who permit their men to be demeaned by such chores. Its a cultural thing.
In our pind, a fight broke out recently when the maulana told the people that it is not the women responsibility to do house chores, and that you men should follow the sunnah of imam Ali (as) and help out with the chores. Needless to say that went down like pork chops at a bar mitzvah. Lol.
Re: Why do Pakistanii men make the worst husbands?
Comments such as OP's and nadz123's show that such people don't have much interaction with people from other cultures/nationalities.
Turks: do you know how many physical abuse there is among Turks? And if you dig in deeper you will hear a lot of Turkish women complaining about their in laws. But no, you saw one turkish man praising his wife. So Pakistani men suck and turkish men rock.
Arabs: yadibladikhap. Same story.
Italianos: Tsk, you know what women hate about them? They are such mamas boys.
Iranians, Afghans: If I have to pick one flaw that I come across a lot, it is the extra marital affairs and cheating.
Maybe try not to generalize based on your own personal experiences.
And nadz really?:
Oh so you conducted a worldwide survey and these results came out. Interesting.
The thing is, if you were Turkish, your name would have been özgim123, and you would have been saying exact the same, but then about Turks. And if you were Arabic (Habiba123) your thoughts about Arabs would have been exact the same as they are about us pakis.
Sometimes it also helps to do something about your own attitude. And remove those blinders please; they limit your view.
What you are saying is true as an arab i can maybe shed some light. In arab culture its extremly rude for the husband to say anything negative about his wife as she is classed as family and it would be like your talking bad about your childrens mother, therefore men rarely ever talk bad about their wives. I'm not sure if this is the same for turks and iranians but it might be. Therefore you cant really tell if there wife is good or bad or if there good husbands or not. My mum also holds parties with women from asian countries such as ; arab, iranian,turkish, indian and even china and nearly all say the same things. its becuase as humans we view the other side of the grass as always being better even if its not.
Re: Why do Pakistanii men make the worst husbands?
It was pretty interesting hearing everyone's views here, including deeba's.
My experience with Pakistani men and British men of Pakistani origin is basically summed up in my story below. I am still not sure whether most Pakistani men will fir the spectrum range of all the men in my life.
4 years ago my bhabhi basically wanted me to marry her brother in the UK. He was a student at Bedfordshire university and was involved with a gori, who later became a solicitor. Once we were married in this watta satta ki shaadi I moved to the UK from Pakistan and I found out on the first night that my husband had not wanted to marry me and had been forced to marry me to improve my bhabhi's standing in my meika back home in Lahore. He even continued his affair with that gori.
My in-laws accused me of being a bad wife. I tried to prove them wrong by being the best bivi and bahu possible.
My hubby did not love me at all, yet I tried everything to win him over. i tried being the best and most obedient wife a man can have. I went to the extent of not calling my relatives in Pakistan without my husband's permission and by staying up late all night to await his arrival home and massage him, getting little sleep, waking up early to help him prepare for work and doing all the housework.
But though my in-laws attitude did change, my husband was now madly in love with that girl. He said he will divorce me, but I pleaded to him not to. I said he could marry that other girl (in an Islamic ceremony) without divorcing me.
No woman can accept another wife in her husband's life, but I was MAJBOOR. I had no other choice to save myself from divorce.
I took up my own job, rented out a flat but my husband changed his mind altogether just a few weeks later and sent the divorce papers.
I tried to avoid putting the blame on him in front of my family for the divorce, because I did not want my divorce to affect my brother's marriage. But some time later, my family in Pakistan found out about what had really happened, and thougj they were angry,thankfully nothing changed in my bhabhi's life.
Well that is my experience.
Aww so sorry to hear about your bad experience hun. That was rottenly selfish of him to do that to you. I hope you find your happiness again, InshaAllah.
Re: Why do Pakistanii men make the worst husbands?
A lot of gori wives would just walk out if they were treated the same way as some back home wives..
Dependency + culture are such powerful things :(
That's true, but there's a flip side to Western culture: a lot of goris walk out over nothing. I've posted this before but in the US around 67% of divorces, where there is no abuse, are initiated by women. Men usually do not see this coming at all. Many women do not respect men anymore, and young men increasingly see no point in marrying, at least in the US. And dating being what it is, men have access to women willing to sleep with them, with no intention of committing.
I agree that dependency is bad, but culture can curb a lot of negative traits that humans, men and women, exhibit if left to do as we wish. As always though, balance is important. Our culture could certainly loosen up.
Re: Why do Pakistanii men make the worst husbands?
pakistan men also make best husbands.
core 2 , surely your experience was bad , but the only factor involved was not pakistani , there were many other, another girl i know faced a similar sitaution, but hers was worse than urs.
Re: Why do Pakistanii men make the worst husbands?
So... Hands up all pakistani guys who praise their wives and don't think house chores are a womens job, but regularly help out?
Praise her to her, or if asked about something by family etc.
Since the topic of chores has come up, lets just tackle it..chores in the house are tackled together, certain things are primarily on her lit, others are mine
If she was not working, then my expectation would be that a bigger share of chores would be on her. less based on any sexism but pragmatic views on who has more time available to do the work around the house. It would be the opposite if I was home, and the days I work from home by the time she is back, the house is clean and the food is on the stove.
On this site I have seen ladies who have issues with housework and complaining that maintaining an apartment and cooking a meal or two day is overwhelming, and it amuses me to no end because many of the guys who have lived on their own have done that while balancing full time school and work. I dont know if it is just unreal expectations, functional inability, or poor discipline that makes them look at running a family home as some horrific unmanageable burden rather than a loving contribution to their home and lives.
Re: Why do Pakistanii men make the worst husbands?
It was pretty interesting hearing everyone's views here, including deeba's.
My experience with Pakistani men and British men of Pakistani origin is basically summed up in my story below. I am still not sure whether most Pakistani men will fir the spectrum range of all the men in my life.
4 years ago my bhabhi basically wanted me to marry her brother in the UK. He was a student at Bedfordshire university and was involved with a gori, who later became a solicitor. Once we were married in this watta satta ki shaadi I moved to the UK from Pakistan and I found out on the first night that my husband had not wanted to marry me and had been forced to marry me to improve my bhabhi's standing in my meika back home in Lahore. He even continued his affair with that gori.
My in-laws accused me of being a bad wife. I tried to prove them wrong by being the best bivi and bahu possible.
My hubby did not love me at all, yet I tried everything to win him over. i tried being the best and most obedient wife a man can have. I went to the extent of not calling my relatives in Pakistan without my husband's permission and by staying up late all night to await his arrival home and massage him, getting little sleep, waking up early to help him prepare for work and doing all the housework.
But though my in-laws attitude did change, my husband was now madly in love with that girl. He said he will divorce me, but I pleaded to him not to. I said he could marry that other girl (in an Islamic ceremony) without divorcing me.
No woman can accept another wife in her husband's life, but I was MAJBOOR. I had no other choice to save myself from divorce.
I took up my own job, rented out a flat but my husband changed his mind altogether just a few weeks later and sent the divorce papers.
I tried to avoid putting the blame on him in front of my family for the divorce, because I did not want my divorce to affect my brother's marriage. But some time later, my family in Pakistan found out about what had really happened, and thougj they were angry,thankfully nothing changed in my bhabhi's life.
Well that is my experience.
Sorry taht thsi happened to you. and the guy is a major douchebag.
But who wantedd you to marry her brother to improve her "family standing"? Your bhabi.
Were your parents involved in getting you married?
Who accused u of being a bad wife? Your MIL most likely.
Who was having an affair with your husband while you were married to him? That gori that most of the guys in this thread are falling over backwards for.
Yeah, that guy was awful, but there's a reason fo rthe saying "women are each others worst enemies."
Re: Why do Pakistanii men make the worst husbands?
Ain’t sure all paki husbands r like that…
when i look at my dad and see how he looks and acts toward mum i feel sooo proud at him and make me feel sooo glowy from inside
dad always complimented mom. He loves cookin for us and does that once or twice a week…he never discusses issues or to much personal stuff in public (with friends etc) somethin i really appreciate of him… cuz i do believe that some things shouldn’t be discussed in public it should be kept between the hubby and the wife. And Ma Sha Allah, Ma Sha Allah, Ma Sha Allah dad has always treaten his wife and daughters as a queen and princesses even my bhabiis often talk proudly about him (Ma Sha Allah!)
Not only my mum and dad, but also my mamu’s and mumaniis share the same affection for each other and even my dada abu and dadi ammi (haha dada abu still teases dadi ammi infront of his friends :D)
about the arabs afghans and iranians… My neighbours are Arabs (from maroco) and i swear i hear him beat his wife and daughters at night … once it was so bad that i had to call the cop and just the second they arrived he had thrown her on the road.
Iranians drink often and after having couple of drinks they start humiliating their wifes and daughters
My best friend (like a sister to me) is an Afghan and her dad never ever helped her mom. Her mom works 7 days and does the household. The dad just sits and eats thats it… Once at a dinner with some fam friends he started shouting at her without any reason and told her that she was good for nothing
All with all… Males are never ever perfect… and some desiis cross the limits but i think that happens with every culture and every country… there r rotten apples everywhere so just count the blessings
Re: Why do Pakistanii men make the worst husbands?
I think we're over thinking this. Occam's Razor people.
If Pakistani men are the worst husbands in the world, then the simplest explanation is that they are punishment for Pakistani women, who must be the worst wives in the world.
Re: Why do Pakistanii men make the worst husbands?
Is praising in front of others really that important? Talk about a shallow wife. Would never marry such a woman in the first place. Yes I am Pakistani man.
criticizing your wife infront of others is pathetic. if you dont have any good words to say then maybe stay quiet.
and make me feel sooo glowy from inside
