Okay im going to be 20 soon, people have been asking for me and alot in pakistan and now that we’r going to go pakistan soon for my brothers wedding people are gowing to ask more.
I dont have anything against anybody but i just dont wana get married to someone backhome or sombody here who’s come from backhome.
SO now my mum thinks im being fussy?
Ive never done anything against my parents, i have my respect and all and mashAllah i have a business of my own running too.
now my mum says my dad will look at families there but when we come back to uk he will look at families here, what type of families? the guys that come here as students…he will look around into them?
why dont they understand i simply dont feel happy to marry a guy from pakistan.
So now i say to my mum look i want to marry a guy whos from uk and brought up here and my mum says, so wat? u want a family to stay with?
And i said “do u think im that selfish? if i want my brothers wife to live with u parents then y wouldnt the guy marrying me want me to stay with his parents?”
living with inlaws, is it that hard?
I dont understand them and it seriously makes me bloody upset!
My mum thinks im being fussy and proud! jus cause 10 to 15 people bakhome has asked and il say no to them…does it mean im proud? just if guys here as students from bakhome ask for me n i say no, does it mean im proud?
ONE SIMPLE LINE THEY DONT UNDERSTAND, I want a guy from here and whos brought up here…
i havent spoke to my dad about this as he dont know my mums told me all this…plus i have that sharam that i cant talk infront of my dad about such stuff!
what am i meant to dooooo! i feel like saying to my mum that ur the only person i can talk to u and if ur not understanding me then theres no1 else to talk to but instead il find someone for myself…but if i do that then she will shout and if i say no to all the people from pak whus asked she willl say no?
she goes on thagt peoopple who marry eachother in uk never get on…is that true?
They say they wont force me, then the same time they going to do wat i dont want? "find pakistan students?" then il keep saying no to them and they wil say im fussy ect...
Why not just look for what i want?
Aw bless just remember no one can force you but if youre parents are insisting on someone from pakistan you need to put your foot down and ask them to consider your prefrence aswell. I do believe its a sterotype when they say someone from 'back home' cant get on but ive seen it both ways i have a friend married to someone who knows nothing like no education etc lack of communication and you can see they struggle they havw nothjng in common. Also someone whose married to a doctor shes a pharmacist it seems to work. Its up to the individuals, what are your reason to not consider somone from pak.? Or you just prefer a uk guy
I just prefer a guy from uk and brought up here, i said to her a guy from uk and uknow what she comes out with? he will be from uk but someone whus here as a student? its common sense i want someone from here whus brought up here! urgh!
i can talk and joke to guys from pak, il see them as brothers but i just cant see them as husbands, is that my fault?
and i know when i keep sayin no the the people who come there gna say im fussy and il have to hear alot and i realy care about ther respect, i want them to be easy with this matter but wht rnt they?
I Cant speak against them, shal i jus get stuck? i dont wana involve immigrations ect...because its badnami...in anyway i dont wana get them badnaaam but they why r they acting like this towards me?
get with your mom and let her know that you will not going to get married with any fob (they are your brother), you may have difficult time in communication with them. it would big cultural difference between you and guy from pakistan. you want a bbcd who born or at least spend significant time in england. what is the problem? if your mom and dad are saying that they will not going to enforce anything on you then why are you sharmaying with your dad. be open and decent when raising your concern with your dad. it looks like your discussion ended with argument when you discuss your situation with you mom.
A meeting with these guys does not necessarily mean that you'll end up marrying them. You could consider the possibility of meeting someone compatible from the rishtas your parents consider. Or if you're absolutely certain that you can't marry someone who hasn't been born and raised in the UK......then make that very clear to your parents.....and if you stick to your decision (despite their blackmail/yelling/threats, etc)....there will eventually come a point when they realize that either they start considering your requirements or risk you staying single.
Or try asking them what their reasons are for wanting a guy who grew up outside of the UK. Listen to their views...and give examples of good guys that negate their beliefs. You can try telling them that you'll consider their rishtas if they will also try to keep an open mind about guys who grew up in the UK and look into those rishtas as well. Is there any family member (such as a grandparent/aunt/uncle) who would be of some influence and can reason with your parents on your behalf?
They think if a girl n boy from uk marry eachother they wont get along?
Now fine il meet guys they say but i knw they will be students from pakistan, now i know il keep saying no and then in the end my mums gna say >> why r u so proud of urself? why r u doing so much nakreh?
Thats why im saying it straight that look for a british born n someone whus from here but there not ready to lisen to this....hmm no didnt end it in an argument....i was being calm but my mum jus doesnt wana know anything. she walks away?
wat have i dont against her?
second opinion: you are still choti si bachi I can see your first post and you are keep stressing on fob. If you argue in such manner with your parent, they may rigid on their decision for you.
p.s. just my observation, please dont take it as offense.
inspiron- becausse they believe in peoples stories and recently my cuzin here married a girl here and its nt even a year n theyr gna break up...so theyr keep looking at that.
im a different person, have different personality n they dont wana look at that...
STA yeah im little but then why r people askin for me? im gna go pakistan...i cant be nasty to anyone...im realy easygowing with everyone, i laff, joke and mix in with everyone and now knowing that these people have been asking for me will make me so uncomfortable...
and i dont argue, im jus telin them wat i want but they dont wana know...
if i keeep sayin no then i wil hear alot n i know it...and they wana get me married by im 22. they believe that they shud start lookin nw b4 its late...
STA there is NOTHING wrong with them but much of the time girls from here and guys from there don't match in my experience anyway I am in khi at the moment and there are many differences sure they can be good friends bhai banaa ke but i cannot imagine them as husbands...this is me personally not everyone is this way
inspiron im the same way, i cant c them as husbands but they dont understand :(
she goes oh ur dad was from pakistan and then i say tyme changes but she dnt wana knw anyfin
she goes oh is ur dad stupid then ect....
Keep an open mind but don't get forced into anything you don't want. The guys there might surprise you and your parents might also surprise you.
Right now, you're only 20...there's no reason for them to be in a rush but since they're your parents...its in their DNA to look out for a good guy for you. You cannot stop them.
Look at it this way, ur gonna be living with whoever youll marry for the rest of ur life, not them. Standing upto ur parents does not mean u respect them any less. One of my friends is in an unhappy marriage right now cuz he didnt have the intestinal fortitude to stand up for himself and divorce is now inevitable. Just something to think about.
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome is not practical. Dont engage iin arguments with your mother. Be nice and mention sweetly what you have shared here. And it is time you got over the "sharmana" and communicated how you feel to your father. Do not make it as if you are going over your mother's head - if it comes across that way, parents will side with each other. Just state it sweetly to him, without mentioning your arguments with your mother.
I can see your first post and you are keep stressing on fob. If you argue in such manner with your parent, they may rigid on their decision for you.