one thing i don't understand is why do guys who are born and raised in america marry girls from pakistan? What about the girls in america? They don't have the luxary to do that. Where are they to find rishta's??? This confuses me because those girls who are born and raised in America the proper way, and by proper way i mean they have accepted their culture and the weatern culture and have blended to stay true of themselves and their religion. Those girls who know its not right to date, drink, go clubbing etc. why is it that those girls get punished? They end up being left to rot, or they have to fend for themselves... these things tick me off. So i guess i want people to explain to me why is this right? why do men do this? I need to understand cause it's not fair.... thanks for letting me vent.... Zahra
From what I've seen, there are a considerable amount of men who get married back home, but not so much that the women here are left without suitable men. I'd say that my friends who've married girls from here (Canada) are at least as many as those who have sponsored their wives from back home. Then you also have men who just don't want to get married so that doesn't affect the equation either way.
According to my observation, the major factor that the couples that are brought up here have going for their rishta is the networking. I don't think there's any conspiracy here. Nobody's out to punish anybody. Everybody I know who's done it had their reasons. For a lot of them, it's their parents who find the girl. Many of them were also given choices between girls here and girls back home. For the ones who got married back home, for some their talk had been going on since they were kids. Some because their parents really liked the girls from back home. Others were because their mothers did not like any girls they knew from here enough so they went to look there.
Many of the women that i know from here who are in my age range and not yet married doesn't have to do so much with that they don't get rishtas but they're picky (not saying this is a bad thing but it is one of the apparent reasons that they're not getting married) and they reject the rishtas they get. And on top of that they're getting old(er). Otherwise I'd say for the majority of families I knew growing up, most of their daughters are either engaged or married. Very few of my friends have sisters who are not yet married or at least engaged. Then are girls who've ruined their own reputation over the years and nobody thinks of them as marriage material. They do tend to affect the people's perception of girls brought up here, but not to the point where misgivings about a person wouldn't be cleared up if you know them personally.
With most of my friends who've married back home, I'd say that it's about them leaving it to their parents (this means not having anyone particular in mind, so letting their parents find and suggest someone) and their mothers were just more comfortable with someone from back home.
Here's why it's fair: these men have a right to choose whoever they want to marry. Them being raised in America doesn't mean they owe it to anybody to marry a girl who was also born and brought up there. What might not be fair is if someone is accused of something they are not guilty of. It should be looked at on a case by case basis.