why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

[rabika]

yea…

specially in pakistan…

i dun hav the idea if this topic has already bin discussed b4 or not…but this is my first ever post in this forum…

so i hav seeen many men who verbally abuse thr wives…aesa kertey huey kaheen se nahin lagta key woh kitni zabardast qualification rakhtey hein ya phir woh kitney good looking ya high profile key log hein…

if i talk more candidly…

aik aesi larki jo apney shohar ki hur baaaaaat maanti hey.. us ki aik awaaz pe bhaag bhaag ker kaam kerti hey phir bhi hubbys khush nai hotey? ulta aik lamhey ki deir mey bhari mehfil mey zaleel kerdeytey hein aur phir silsila rukta nahin hey…us bechaari ki family tak ko drag kerletey hein beech mey?aur aese mey agar woh rona shuru kerdey to aur musibat…

agar sirf aik waquey ki baat hotii to chalein maan lein key aik aaad ki qismat aesi hotee hey…but i hav seeeeen many gals who r extremely obedient to thr husbands n they really are…but are alwayzzzzzz scared of them…cuz they can easily anytime anywhr can verbally abuse them …

so really wanna know the answer…Y

[Niksik]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

Because they don't have respect?

[hareem01]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

Verbally abuse as in gaali gloch? Well, I've seen people do it in UK country too(not my husband though).

[mall]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

mat pocho. i know 2 girls who are like that. one of them is my cousin who is such a bheegi billi and hubs ki ghulam that, wud u believe it, she even cuts her hubs nails, both toe and hands!!!!!!! its just shockin. she said she strted it when she got married and did it out of love. she cooks, cleans, looks after the kids but still hubs says shes done nothing and is dumb doesnt know how to raise kids. its just men and their superiority complex thaz all. they dun wanna admit woman can b equal to them or be intellingent. part of it has to b the religion also. men are takin due advantage of being majazi khuda and that uff bhi nahi karna chaye shohar ke samney.... sometimes i wish ke shohar ki itni jee huzoori na hoti ISlam mein. look at how men are treating their wives becus of that. i know men are leaders and all and someone HAS to head the family but how they treat their wives is such horrible!

[hareem01]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

Cutting her husband's hands' and feet's nails? That's gross.

[mall]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

@hareem01

Cutting her husband's hands' and feet's nails? That's gross.

i dun think its gros.. i feel its degrading for a woman to do that. but she did it out of love .. it wudve been ok if he had not taken her love for granted and loved and respected her for lovin him so mch as to do that and go that low!

[Paheli00]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

Found an article relating to this. Below is a portion of the article that I think answers your question of “Y”:

"But there are a lot of men and women who never learned how to handle anger, and many of these people have a great deal of anger stored up inside that needs to be handled.

Essentially, they’ve never grown up, and when the stresses of everyday life build up, instead of finding constructive outlets for their tension, they erupt into temper tantrums like little children."

"Why do they do it to her? Why did my ex do it to me? I think they do it because they CAN. It happens one time, in a fit of anger, and if she doesn’t leave, if she doesn’t strike back with the same level of cruelties of her own, if she doesn’t stand up and say “I deserve not to be verbally abused,” then they do it again.

And each time, it gets easier for him, and each time, he feels a little less guilt and remorse over it. And after a while, every time he feels mad at the world, or mad at himself, he knows that he can “safely” direct that anger at his wife, and get away with it."

http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/article/verbally-abusive

[NomiCA]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

Divorce him....simple ( i am telling you the the ultimate outcome of the advises you will get over next few pages)

[TLK]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

@mall

i dun think its gros.. i feel its degrading for a woman to do that. but she did it out of love

if she does it out of love, how does that become gross or even degrading?

[Gaia]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

Why? Because their Mama didn't teach them to respect women.

[Mirch]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

One word idiocy. They learned this behavior from their dad or some other authority figure in the family. My research shows that in desi community it is mostly a learned trait they learn it from their dad , elder brother or whoever they observed treating their wives this way and nobody stopped it and accepted it as norm and played a part of silent observers of this abuse.

Now to Mall , please read my reply to your post.

@mall

part of it has to b the religion also. men are takin due advantage of being majazi khuda and that uff bhi nahi karna chaye shohar ke samney.... sometimes i wish ke shohar ki itni jee huzoori na hoti ISlam mein.

It has nothing to do with Islam. Islam teaches men and women to treat everyone with respect. Islam consider controlling your anger as the biggest jihad.
This is how husband and wife are ordered in Quran to treat each other:
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates(spouse) from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Qur'an 30:21)

In the Qur'an, the marriage relationship is described as one with "tranquility," "love" and "mercy." Elsewhere in the Qur'an, husband and wife are described as "garments" for each other (2:187). Garments offer protection, comfort, modesty, and warmth. Above all, the Qur'an describes that the best garment is the "garment of God-consciousness-(taqwa)" (7:26).

Allah states, "Permitted for you, during the night of the fast, that you approach your wives. They are your garments, and you are their garments" [al-Baqarah; 187].

So Islam teaches husbands to cover their wives weaknesses and faults not make them zaleel in bharee mahfil.
Read your religion in details please before you blame religion for stupidity and idiocy of people. This is a perfect religion for human kind.

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

@Gaia

Why? Because their Mama didn't teach them to respect women.

This.

Verbal abuse has nothing to do with Pakistani or non-Pakistani men. this is quite global.

Same is the case with cursing and swearing. You meet some youth (irrespective of gender) raised here in west, for many of them its very hard to complete a sentence without using fk, bas***d etc etc for no reason. It has more to do with home environment and lessons they have learned at home (in addition to their friends etc off course)

[Cute_Chandni_1]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

@Mirch

They learned this behavior from their dad or some other authority figure in the family. My research shows that in desi community it is mostly a learned trait they learn it from their dad , elder brother or whoever they observed treating their wives this way and nobody stopped it and accepted it as norm and played a part of silent observers of this abuse.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

[mall]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

wrong post

[mall]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

@Mirch

One word idiocy. They learned this behavior from their dad or some other authority figure in the family. My research shows that in desi community it is mostly a learned trait they learn it from their dad , elder brother or whoever they observed treating their wives this way and nobody stopped it and accepted it as norm and played a part of silent observers of this abuse.

Now to Mall , please read my reply to your post.

It has nothing to do with Islam. Islam teaches men and women to treat everyone with respect. Islam consider controlling your anger as the biggest jihad. This is how husband and wife are ordered in Quran to treat each other: "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates(spouse) from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Qur'an 30:21)

In the Qur'an, the marriage relationship is described as one with "tranquility," "love" and "mercy." Elsewhere in the Qur'an, husband and wife are described as "garments" for each other (2:187). Garments offer protection, comfort, modesty, and warmth. Above all, the Qur'an describes that the best garment is the "garment of God-consciousness-(taqwa)" (7:26).

Allah states, "Permitted for you, during the night of the fast, that you approach your wives. They are your garments, and you are their garments" [al-Baqarah; 187].

So Islam teaches husbands to cover their wives weaknesses and faults not make them zaleel in bharee mahfil. Read your religion in details please before you blame religion for stupidity and idiocy of people. This is a perfect religion for human kind.

yes mirch i know all of this and i know that the wife deserves kind treatment from husbands but i m only sayiing i wish there was not alot of authority and power given to husband. cus can u deny that our religion says listen to wotever ur husband says, do not argue.. there r millions of husbands who take advantage and not let their women talk. i m just sayin wot men do... they just take advantage thaz all...

[mall]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

and mirch i m NOT blaming religion for men's idiocy. iwas just sayin wot i felt which is men shudnt take religion to their benefit.

[rabika]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

thanks for the replies everyone will post in detail later...

so..when i ask these gals that y dun they react? or at least just for once fight for thr rights...n let them know that u r not really for granted...if u r making alll ur efforts to please him then he shud ATLEASTTTTTT give u sum respect in front of his family membersss...then thr replies are almost same...

they say that they love thr husbands so much that they cant even think ill of them n cant degrade them aswell.....

[mall]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

wow really rabika? thaz weird. most of the women who keep quiet have the same old reasons of sticking around... fear of societal badnaami(stigma of divorce), children and parents pressure to continue tryin to work it out.

[mall]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

@TLK

if she does it out of love, how does that become gross or even degrading?

I FEEL it is degrading.. she DOESNT. :) its been 10 yrs now and hes so used to it that if his wifei s gone his nails are all grown. initially wen ure all newly married one dus do things out of love that the man get used to and the woman later regrets doin in the first place. this is one of those things.
i m sure she wudnt have mind doin this even after so many yrs if he atleast loved or acknowledged her efforts. so in love even the glossiest thing can appear beautiful to the person.

[Mirch]

Re: why do husbands verbally abuse thr wives?

@mall

i wish there was not alot of authority and power given to husband. cus can u deny that our religion says listen to wotever ur husband says, do not argue.. .

I do not know where you are getting your info from . Husbands have been given lot of responsibility for family unit including wife but no authority. Women still can ask for khula from an abusive husband. Islam has taken care of abusive relationships if women do not use it for stigma , fear , izzat , pride , ego , kids , it is their fault. If those abusive husbands know that they will lose a wife if they do not behave and will not be able to get another wife ever , that will reduce the amount of abuse women have to go through.