Re: Why do girls lie about having had boyfriends ?
Muslim people who can't get rid of waswasas (false suspicions and negative thoughts) about their spouse's past, should concentrate on the following verse of the Holy Quran:
**
"Unclean women are for unclean men, and unclean men are for unclean women; and pure women are for pure men, and pure men are for pure women".**
[An-Nur - The Light, Verse: 26]
Re: Why do girls lie about having had boyfriends ?
^umm isnt it for here after though?
^umm isnt it for here after though?
That is for sure, but in this world also we know that there is a Divine force that decides that out of all the billions of billions of people from Hazrat Adam (a.s) up till the day of judgment, two people co-exist in the same time, same continent, same country and come across each others through some means and some how get married either due to personal likeness or parent's decision.
I might be wrong, but mostly it is either of the following two options, what we get in life.
1. **We get what we deserve, which can be a punishment or reward of past deeds.
*
*In this case that verse can be applied to a case in this world
**2. **We don't get what we deserve. Then it might be a test for us to patiently love our spouse for the love of our Lord.
*
*In this case that verse might be applied for the life hereafter, where Allah would bless us with a reward of remaining patient even after we were not given in this world what we deserved.
*Again, it is just my personal understanding and I might be wrong. Allah (swt) knows BEST!
Re: Why do girls lie about having had boyfriends ?
Honestly Atiqah, I dont expect the man I marry to be "clean" or anything. Its not possible anymore...its simply not out there.
Re: Why do girls lie about having had boyfriends ?
^ oi they are too
When we say "clean" then there is no simple criteria to measure it. There are many many factors and their respective levels vary from one extreme to another. Unclean can even be only a single immoral lustful gaze in life for some cases, but for others it can be the worst limits a person can cross in a relationship.
BUT there are also ways to "unclean" a person in this life before marriage. Sincere repentance removes a lot of dirt from the body in the form of tears (No face in the mirror looks as innocent and pure after committing a sin as it looks after crying ones heart out in front of ones Lord and sincerely decide not to repeat ones mistake / sin).
Charity (sadaqa), helping people, remembering ones Lord, forgiving others mistakes, even smiling and having good wishes for others can become a source of ones cleanliness.
BUT if one doesn't clean oneself in this world, then nature might itself do the job in terms of any mental, physical or spiritual pain in life, in order to make one clean enough to deserve what one desires.
This is what I sincerely feel from past experiences and words of scholars, though I might be totally wrong. Allah (swt) knows BEST!
That is for sure, but in this world also we know that there is a Divine force that decides that out of all the billions of billions of people from Hazrat Adam (a.s) up till the day of judgment, two people co-exist in the same time, same continent, same country and come across each others through some means and some how get married either due to personal likeness or parent's decision.
I might be wrong, but mostly it is either of the following two options, what we get in life.
1. **We get what we deserve, which can be a punishment or reward of past deeds. * *In this case that verse can be applied to a case in this world
**2. **We don't get what we deserve. Then it might be a test for us to patiently love our spouse for the love of our Lord. * *In this case that verse might be applied for the life hereafter, where Allah would bless us with a reward of remaining patient even after we were not given in this world what we deserved.
*Again, it is just my personal understanding and I might be wrong. Allah (swt) knows BEST!
you remind me of my mum. i agree with you to an extent. however i am of the opinion that what quality of life you enjoy here is upto to destiny what route you take to it is of our own choice.
allow me to elaborate. i know girls and guys for instance that when trying to get married give priority to looks,money,prestige and some who give due importance to behaviour,temprament and religious upbringing. i think we can only link our life to kismet when we have exhausted all means of attaining something that we want. that is to say that if you wanted to marry a good girl and wanted to be a fair husband and tried to find out as much as you could and prayed as much as you could and still were unlucky i'd believe that was luck.however if you were more focused on looks or money and made no dua what so ever , followed no rules devised by Allah and found a spouse much to your distate.then you need to mend the broken bridge and pray for forgiveness and solution to your problem. as there a saying religiously "all hardships that come to you are due to your nafs.
Re: Why do girls lie about having had boyfriends ?
^ Well said brother, JazakAllah khair for sharing words of wisdom for guidance of people like me. I only have sincere prayers to offer you in return of your kindness to teach me a good lesson.
May Allah (swt) bless you and your family with all the blessings of this life and hereafter.
yes once you have admitted to an affair you cannot proveit didnt go all the way.although i see what you mean not every affair goes to that extent.
its not always just an affair... and its WRONG WRONG to assume that they went all the way
we REALLY ought to change our thinking
alright you mean engagement?
people are getting abit of hand !!
Maybe i should clarify what i said. I DONT have a problem with girls having boyfriends, as grown adults people have the right to see, meet and do whatever they like, with whoever they like as long as they don't break the law of the land/country. We don't talk live under the taliban !
My slight issue with the fact that they will lie about it, and pretend to be miss goody two shoes, which baffles me.
I don't know why people turned it into a men vs women debate. Its common knowledge that you get good and bad apples with both sexes.
The discussion should been based or whethers its immoral to the lie to a person with whom you may have a serious future relationship with, whether you are a man and woman. Obviously it would be of little corcern to me what other men do hence me making the mistake of addressing the question from a males point of view, but never the less, should ANYONE lie to a prospective partner?
Re: Why do girls lie about having had boyfriends ?
just because married men like to hide their imposing affairs. yet, two wrongs do make one rights.
that jimmykimble acts like such a fob (no offence)
Re: Why do girls lie about having had boyfriends ?
PSquared - I feel you. There are no "clean" men out there anymore - it breaks my heart! It's not fair to all the strong women who've set good standards for themselves in life. :(
To answer shortdog, I can understand why women would want to lie about their past. Let me just put it this way and I am generalizing here: If women were asked what's worse, that her husband never really loved her ever or if he cheated on her? There would be differences of opinion and most women might say it's worse if he never cared for her on the first place - cheating would come second. If you ask men the samething, you'd almost get a unanimous outcry that her cheating on him is unforgivable - period.
Women think that men will never get over it, they'd always be suspicious of them, not trust them, disrespect them and all that jazz.
Re: Why do girls lie about having had boyfriends ?
Oh and I am absolutely shocked to hear that people think 'being with a guy' means sleeping with him! It does not.
No wonder women want to lie about their pasts - men go into extremes with their imagination!
Oh and I am absolutely shocked to hear that people think 'being with a guy' means sleeping with him! It does not.
No wonder women want to lie about their pasts - men go into extremes with their imagination!
that baffles me too
be it a guy or a gal... why assume such a thing.
and shortdog....
a goodytwoshoes has nothing to do with someone being with someone. You can still be a goodytwoshoes even if u r dating..
Re: Why do girls lie about having had boyfriends ?
Our desi society makes it hard for a woman to be honest about her past with a man. Its just too difficult.
Women who do hide things do it because they dont want to be reminded of past mistakes, want to start fresh, dont want to risk losing what they have, etc etc etc. However, these same reasons hold true for MEN as well.
As for men being pure nowadays...its hard to find now. Im sorry Croquet...Ive only bumped into one and he was Christian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: Why do girls lie about having had boyfriends ?
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Why do girls lie about having had boyfiends?
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Because boys lie about not minding.
Re: Why do girls lie about having had boyfriends ?
Ah just like every other thread lets just blame men for all the miseries in life, and no I don't advocate male chauvinism but thats the impression I get from every other thread here.
If there are no 'clean' men left out there in the desi society please stop considering them for 'shaadi' - be done with them, and I can assure you the need to lie about not having partners before would go away too.
Re: Why do girls lie about having had boyfriends ?
^ If the man is one that has a long list of girlfriends, of course I dont consider him for shaadi!
And Spock, didnt you notice the title of the thread? Why do GIRLS lie about having had boyfriends?