not allow laughing at weddings
2)force their daughters to become housewives
forbid their daughter to even talk about political/social matters around family, like around mamu/chachus or older male cousins who are mehran? i behave modestly but i dont shut myself up in the corner hearing BS i disagree with.
force their daughter to drop out of school to work instead
5)in general, give them less rights then men? they are human beings too, and like i said in the previous thread, not all desi women should be in the kitchen making sandwiches for the husband.
Why do hardcore desi mothers do this? i knew some of my cousins who wanted to be lawyers but their mothers forbade them because they thought it would shame the family. muslim women have more rights then the husband and she can talk whatever the hell she wants.
just because i have different views of certain desi people and stupid ‘desi’ rules doesn’t mean i’m a rebellious child. i’m very liberal.
i always thought desi girls had their life screwed when they wanted to be something else other then a plain housewife who does nothing but cook, clean, make chai and sleep all day. thats what my mother does most of the time, and i told her she should have english classes (not being rude, my dad said this too) in her chunky amounts of spare time. she refuses because she says shes not a man.
your views? i know i opened a thread like this before, but this is slightly different then the other one.
1) not allow laughing at weddings
2)force their daughters to become housewives
3) forbid their daughter to even talk about political/social matters around family, like around mamu/chachus or older male cousins who are mehran? i behave modestly but i dont shut myself up in the corner hearing BS i disagree with.
4) force their daughter to drop out of school to work instead
5)in general, give them less rights then men? they are human beings too, and like i said in the previous thread, not all desi women should be in the kitchen making sandwiches for the husband.
My mom doesn't do that. In fact I haven't seen a mom doing this.
Hm. I don't know any ladies forcing their daughters to go through all that but what I have seen is more subtle. Like don't come in front of boys without a dupatta. Don't talk to boys. Pick careers that are better for girls and more "respectable" (???)
don't wear jeans
wear make up and jewelry when at a dawat. Like you can't show any individuality at parties.
I thought that only happens in remote villages back home, but I guess anything is possible
My parents are the complete opposite, there is no thinking about shaadi in my house until I’m 30 and have a steady job and pay so I don’t depend on anyone. And the thought of me becoming a housewife is a heart attack ready to happen. Because for as long as I can remember my mom never stayed home, and even if she had to in between jobs she would complain how much she hates cooking, cleaning, etc.
However, I have a lot of respect for housewives that are mothers, wives, teachers, cooks, ect. Because I think out of all the professions, being a perfect housewife is the hardest, as there is nothing harder in the world then raising children. And most women that I know that are housewives don’t just lay around and do nothing. They have their children in activities, sports. Make a proper meal everyday. keep up with the kids H.w and all the while be a wife.
I could NEVER do that, I’d rather work in a firm and pickup food from outside:)
My mum has always been the total opposite of what you describe. She is extremely proud of her daughters for earning higher education and professional degrees and is the one to push them to pursue careers. She appreciates the fact that they can hold their own in a conversation and have ideas of their own.
But in addition to the above, she also insisted that they be ghar-girast, know how to maintain their homes, entertain guests, be good wives and DILS and raise good children.
One more thing, she also taught us to understand lihaaz - what should be said and in what environment. There is a thing called courtesy and deference that we owe our elders.
Personally, I have never met a desi mother like the one described by the thread opener. Do they even exist???!!!
My mum has always treated me the same as my brothers. They are expected to do housework and the cooking, just as much as I am. Infact, my eldest and youngest bro (have 3 bros) do more cooking than me!! :)
I work too... infact, my parents would give me a good telling off if I said I just wanted to stay at home!! lol
I'm 28 and no plans to get married as yet - and my desi mum is perfectly fine with it!! :) Just tells anyone who asks for my rishta that I am not ready and they will not do anything without my consent!! aaaahhh, I love my desi parents!! :) :)
I have always been taught to have my own views and opinions and to think for myself... what else is your brain for???
I still haven’t gotten around this :(. I got my mom on the same page as me but dad is just a lost case. He wants me to be graduated from law school, pass my bar exams, get a job then think about marriage My MIL to be came to ask for my hand (since hubby to be kept pushing her), which was one step forward, so I’m glad! Still I can’t bring up marriage again until I am at least in a law school. Which is 2-3 years away!
Same thing with my family. They have not waned to even discuss the topic of marriage until my degrees were are all done and over with and I was settled into a job.
Which brings me into the late 20's early 30's range.
Nearly all the ladies in my family were married in their early 30's.
My mom had me, her first child, at 33.
So, I really don't see the big deal. I think it varies based on culture, biradari traditions, and just family precedents.
^ I agree, it isn't that big of a deal, to get married at or after 30, as my mom also had her first child at 33 (my sister). But it sucks since me and him have been together for 4 years now, its just stupid to wait so long to get married. Thats why I want to meet them some where in the middle, meaning I get married when I get into law, not wait all the way till I finish. iA' I hope thats the best decision.
i always feel you are as old as my mom is :k: .. its some feeling you know !
i have few co-workers and friends not technically but well anyway over 30’s. . like between 32-37.. and they are not married, they are always behave/felt like stubborn, ajeeb o gareeb behavior, looking into the sky all the time.. …
on the other hand few of my friends got married Under 30) and two of them have kids.. the one’s who have kids now talk about their kids.. hey munna did this. .and munni did that.. 24/7 at any place time .. ..
but the married with kids are more happy then anything else,… even though their materialistic level is well below then over the 30’s..
so the question is: the 20 some are happy because of wife & kids ,… or because they settled down early or have less money.. ..
I had a lot of independence growing up. I went away for college and grad school, worked where I wanted, married who I wanted, etc. I was always allowed to speak my mind etc. But Ammi is REALLY relieved that I've taken a break from working in order to stay home with the baby. She REALLY misses being able to run the home in detail. But because she's working, she's too exhausted to do it as thoroughly as she'd like. I think she wants to spare me the stress that comes with a life of working outside the home. She knows I'll probably go back, but she's happy with what I'm doing now, and I don't think it's because she is trying to be oppressive.
But this isn't the life for everyone, and EVERY woman should have the option to do something else and the resources, background, and upbringing that will give her the opportunity.
