Let’s give someone a benefit of the doubt. These thoughts are perfectly normal coming from a child who hasn’t yet had much experience in the world…because since thier family is their primary exposure, its natural for them to think that everyone else is the same as well.
It’s when we run into “adult”, “educated”, “working” men and women out in the world who still have such a narrow thinking that it becomes really troublesome and irritating.
First of all, did I say I was anti desi? no i didn’t. I am proud of my heritage and yes, believe it or not, I am proud of most of desi women. just most of the time.
this thread is about those mothers who are backward and well… give us a bad name
3)Now mr./ms. troll, can you not waltz in here and consider me a troll for just stating my beliefs? you sound exactly like those dumb desi mothers who honestly, HONESTLY suppress their own child. I believe you would grow up and repeat the mistake that most women in our pakistani society do.
Moving on:
Wow @ most of the posters, lol. You guys are so freaking lucky :D. These desi aunties I live with, oh my God… they are old-fashioned. I’m not just talking about the elderly/senior ones either, because most desi elderly/senior ones would be rather strict in what daughters do. >.<
These mothers do exist. Most desi mothers I know are not like this, but a few are, and it really is the strangest thing. My friends mother has lived in Canada for the past 10+ years. But she refuses to learn english, since as a woman, she does not need too. when my friend’s sister mentionned she was thinking of dropping out of high school, she said fine…since her future husband would most likely be supporting her anyways. She always said that all that was important was that a woman cooks well, has kids and is a good wife. Her own husband has left her, so she is on welfare-she wont work. She was always unimpressed with my studies and work..
The sad part is that now, my friend’s sister is divorved and living with her mother in a crummy appartment, while being forced to work at a minimum paying job that she hates.
Re: Why do desi mothers....
^ That's sad......... but the daughter having grown up in this country should have known better than to drop out of HS.
Did hte mother change her thinking after living in such a situation?
^ That's sad......... but the daughter having grown up in this country should have known better than to drop out of HS.
Did hte mother change her thinking after living in such a situation?
No! thats the worst part!! Her mother has not changed at all. And i agree the daughter should have been smarter and not dropped out...but I guess after being told your whole life that a man will do everything for you, you believe it and dont take good educational opportunities when you have the chance.
These mothers do exist. Most desi mothers I know are not like this, but a few are, and it really is the strangest thing. My friends mother has lived in Canada for the past 10+ years. But she refuses to learn english, since as a woman, she does not need too. when my friend's sister mentionned she was thinking of dropping out of high school, she said fine...since her future husband would most likely be supporting her anyways. She always said that all that was important was that a woman cooks well, has kids and is a good wife. Her own husband has left her, so she is on welfare-she wont work. She was always unimpressed with my studies and work.. The sad part is that now, my friend's sister is divorved and living with her mother in a crummy appartment, while being forced to work at a minimum paying job that she hates.
maybe it is hightime she think getting that GED, getting some certification courses to land in a better job. I mean if she wants to come out of it, she will have to work hard for it.
Re: Why do desi mothers…
mothers are backwards? ever think maybe your way of life is backwards? did that ever cross your mind my dear?
Re: Why do desi mothers....
I haven't come across a single desi mom with that kind of thinking process. And well, its not just us desis, you find strict and overly-conservative people around the globe.
These mothers do exist. Most desi mothers I know are not like this, but a few are, and it really is the strangest thing. My friends mother has lived in Canada for the past 10+ years. But she refuses to learn english, since as a woman, she does not need too. when my friend's sister mentionned she was thinking of dropping out of high school, she said fine...since her future husband would most likely be supporting her anyways. She always said that all that was important was that a woman cooks well, has kids and is a good wife. Her own husband has left her, so she is on welfare-she wont work. She was always unimpressed with my studies and work.. The sad part is that now, my friend's sister is divorved and living with her mother in a crummy appartment, while being forced to work at a minimum paying job that she hates.
That's just SAD.
My mom knows some English but she refused to take English classes. My dad always had said its because of her pride. she also doesn't like being social around non-desi women either. this bothers me and my dad a lot. my dad has no problems in talking to anyone. we are all the same anyway.
My God, just thinking about this post, my mom would've thought and said the same thing. she wouldn't give a crap if i dropped out of school. she doesn't like me doing IT stuff and wants me to do crappy home economics stuff when i get older.
i never mentioned in my post that mothers are backward. so what the hell?
my way of life is backward? why, sure it is. (sarcasm)
there are mothers who actually encourage their daughters to have careers like doing engineering in technology or becoming a doctor or etc. i have many mothers in my dad’s side who do much more, and encourage their daughters to do much more as well. its just that my mom’s side is a little…sexist as you can say. not the extreme, but i hardly heard anyone from my mother’s side who actually WANTED to become a housewife but become one instead, before and AFTER getting married.
Re: Why do desi mothers....
I can't imagine mothers that do all of that.. I have seen some instances where mothers push towards taking care of household etc..
After my shaadi my mom explained me the importance of making sure to take care of my husband but she never said to sit and spend the whole day in kitchen .. or cook and clean all day long.. I do know of one instance where one girl was not allowed to get out of house until she was well dressed and had makeup on because that is what her mother had told her.. She got married at 18 and by 19 she had a baby.. and she is a housewife who abides to everything her hubby says.. The thing though is she is very happy MasAllah with this lifestyle!
Oh really miss Sherlock? Let's see....
2) this thread is about those mothers who are backward and well... give us a bad name
God forbid THEY see us as BAD... ooooooo but mothers who cares what they think!
That's just SAD.
My mom knows some English but she refused to take English classes. My dad always had said its because of her pride. she also doesn't like being social around non-desi women either. this bothers me and my dad a lot. my dad has no problems in talking to anyone. we are all the same anyway. My God, just thinking about this post, my mom would've thought and said the same thing. she wouldn't give a crap if i dropped out of school. she doesn't like me doing IT stuff and wants me to do crappy home economics stuff when i get older.
There are a lot of mothers like this in the UK.. I onced asked a guy why his mum didn't want to learn English after living here thirty years and he said "she doesn't want to, why should she?"
It's very much a Pakistani and Bengali thing tho over here, UK Indians are a lot more forward-thinking in this respect.. My mum's friend is an English teacher and she literally had to** beg** women (and sometimes their husbands to let them) to come to classes.. Also, even when I was at school 10yrs ago she would tell me that there a lot of girls leaving school at 15 to go and get married in Pakistan so basically they were ending up with no qualifications.. The politicians don't want to talk about it cos they're scared of offending the community, I really wish they would clamp down on this stuff.. As someone already mentioned the views on GS really aren't representative of Pakistanis in general, ppl on here tend to be a lot more enlightened and liberal..
Yeah, cos anyone who criticises desi culture must be a troll..
Re: Why do desi mothers....
I agree with the not laughing at weddings part. My mum before I got married the first time around always used to tell me to be a soljhi howi seedhi saadhi larki and not do a lot of mastiyan and act like an immature girl. Other ladies look for potential bahus at weddings and this is why she wanted me to act prim and proper.
I don't think anyone forces anyone to become a housewife. These days it is so hard to do so because kids tend to have become really independent and want to do as they please. There is only so much parents can do these days, and forcing someone to become a housewife is not one of them. Especially in civilised societies and social circles. It could happen in villages etc but that is also becoming rare.
Lot of generalisation there young one, you need a lot to learn.
As for political/social concerns, I don't get that. She forbids you from discussing politics with your mehram rishtey? That is nonsense but if she forbids you from discussing what goes on in your family with others then there she does have a point. Ghar ki baat ghar ke under tak hi rehne chahiye tu behter. <- Sorry I used roman urdu there, just came back from Karachi so I am being DESI. I hope that is not a problem.
Forcing their daughters to drop out of school is something that I have seen happening but it is usually not the mothers who force daughters but the dads. My own relative did that to his daughter. Now the guy she married is getting her educated because her own dad refused to do so. Mothers can only do so much, they cannot force anything out of a daughter. Certainly not make a daughter drop out of school. Fathers, if they are brutal/if they shout at you/if they beat you then they can.
I have never seen anyone mistreating their daughter. Again when I say that I mean in the society I live in and from my observations, not village folks or whatever happens in Pakistan. This is not some Pre-Islamic era where daughters are still not given rights. There is so much women's rights these days and the media has played a role too in bringing the plight forward. I will actually be surprised to find rich or educated families doing this.
maybe it is hightime she think getting that GED, getting some certification courses to land in a better job. I mean if she wants to come out of it, she will have to work hard for it.
Yes, I actually told her the same thing...but I dont believe she is looking into it. Anyhow, its just sad that she has the opportunities but does not take them