Why desi parents do this

[Niksik]

Re: Why desi parents do this

For some reason, I can't remember what my parents didn't allow me to do...I think there were just a couple of things, and the rest we just didn't care about doing ourself.

[sweefs]

Re: Why desi parents do this

@stoppit

It especially sucks when you're the eldest. I didn't get to go on any foreign school trips or holiday's with friends. My parents only chilled out when I started working and had to travel. My brother on the other hand has done quite a lot of travelling. My parents did freak out a bit because of some of the places he was going but it's not like they stopped him. And my sister, well she has me to take her places. sdjasdakdkad.

They never said 'you can do xyz when you're married' but yah, you do expect that when you're married = free, and you will be able to do it all. Then you find out you don't have monies or you need to save them for a house or whatever. BLAH.

so true :o

[njgal]

Re: Why desi parents do this

@Ashy2010

But we are talking about smaller kind of control, like not allowing to wear particular kind of dresses etc :(

Anyways, it depends on your experiences and observation but a middle course is always the best. Not too much restriction and not too much freedom. Just a good mix of both.

I agree balance is key.

From a parenting perspective the right answer is not "you can wear this when you are married" but guiding them to why it is not appropriate in the first place.

[Marmalade]

Re: Why desi parents do this

@Sara516

If you’re a girl and your parents are typical desis, chances are you’ve heard something like this before at least ONCE in your lifetime:

*You can go out with friends when you’re married.

You can wear that outfit when you’re married

You can cook these things when you’re married.

You can visit that city/state/country when you’re married.

You can decorate your house/room the way you want when you’re married.
*

Aside from the bolded line, my parents have never said any of that to me

[Ashy2010]

Re: Why desi parents do this

@njgal

I agree balance is key.

From a parenting perspective the right answer is not "you can wear this when you are married" but guiding them to why it is not appropriate in the first place.

Usually parents explain the reasons for not allowing certain things. But when girls become too ziddy and stubborn and insist on these things, they just try to comfort their girls by saying that they will have more freedom once they are married. They should not do this.

[Hadeel]

Re: Why desi parents do this

Apart from the travelling to different cities/countries alone, i am allowed to do everything thats mentioned in the first post and much more and thanks to my parents for that. And no i was never given the after marriage reason.

[cutefifa]

Re: Why desi parents do this

Alhamdulillah my parents are very understanding. They never restrict me form doing anything (off course i should be in limits). My parents believe that girls should live their live fullest before marriage who knows what happen with them after marriage.

[madinahme]

Re: Why desi parents do this

My Dad is too shy to mention the word "marriage" to me lol. When I got engaged, we pretend like my husband doesn't exist

[Sara516]

Re: Why desi parents do this

@Ashy2010

But we are talking about smaller kind of control, like not allowing to wear particular kind of dresses etc

Anyways, it depends on your experiences and observation but a middle course is always the best. Not too much restriction and not too much freedom. Just a good mix of both.

I think you missed my point…its not just these small things, there’s more to it than that, which I already stated below in bold.

@Sara516

I admit, maybe those examples are a tad shallow (clothes, cooking, etc) but it’s more than just being able to wear or cook what you want that I have a problem with.
**
Its the underlying belief that life begins after marriage that leads to problems. Yes, the life you build with your spouse begins after marriage–not the life you envisioned when you were alone. **
.

@NomiCA

Are the parents only source of information of what married life is like??

Don’t the girls see for themselves how other married women are living and whether they have the freedom or not??

Well parents are the biggest source of everything for a child, no? When I’m young whatever I see happening in my home sets the foundation for my beliefs nad opinions. its only as I get older and get more experience and meet more people that I realize how what my parents did is different than what others practice…

@madinahme

My Dad is too shy to mention the word “marriage” to me lol. When I got engaged, we pretend like my husband doesn’t exist

Lol thats’ cute.

[Pakilarka]

Re: Why desi parents do this

@Sara516

If you're a girl and your parents are typical desis, chances are you've heard something like this before at least ONCE in your lifetime:

*You can go out with friends when you're married.

You can wear that outfit when you're married

You can cook these things when you're married.

You can visit that city/state/country when you're married.

You can decorate your house/room the way you want when you're married. * .

Why are u complaining ... U qualify for all the rights

[Sara516]

Re: Why desi parents do this

@Pakilarka

Why are u complaining ... U qualify for all the rights

Not really, each thing still has its restrictions, I can't just do whatever I want, I have responsibiliites (which I'm not complaining about btw), my husband has his opinion on things (which I'm not complaining about either). But my point is, nobody ever has complete freedom....and parents need to stop pounding this belief in their daughters' heads.

[NomiCA]

Re: Why desi parents do this

@Sara516

and parents need to stop pounding this belief in their daughters' heads.

hmmm.....agreed.......sabz baagh dikhaanay ka koi faida nahi................but like i said before......its fine if ur parents are only source...may be till ur 18-19....but i just don't think its possible that someone doesn't come across married people......i mean ur newly wed aunts, cuzns etc......whom u knew before their wedding and what happened to them after teh wedding.........u cant not see those things around you and understand if u are above 18.........

[Sara516]

Re: Why desi parents do this

^ im talking about before age 18

[NomiCA]

Re: Why desi parents do this

@Sara516

^ im talking about before age 18

But girls usually get married around in mid 20's......so by that time they ought to know...k nahi :(

anyways...i shush now.........

[JazzyJazz]

Re: Why desi parents do this

@Pakilarka

If you're a girl and your parents are typical desis, chances are you've heard something like this before at least ONCE in your lifetime: You can go out with friends when you're married. You can wear that outfit when you're married You can cook these things when you're married. You can visit that city/state/country when you're married. You can decorate your house/room the way you want when you're married.

Haha, my parents do the same thing. Its just their way of saying no. They do the same thing to my brother.

You can blah, blah, blah with you wife after you guys get married. Now bye.

[gulab_jamun]

Re: Why desi parents do this

lol. I think it's just a more softer of saying "while you're in my house, you're gonna/not gonna do blah blah".

[Naabigh]

Re: Why desi parents do this

In our society - Marriage is considered the only solution for all the bad things ... Just freaking get them married and every thing is going to be fine and dandy :(

[BlueBells]

Re: Why desi parents do this

The only time my mom said that to me was when I wanted to adopt a cat. She said I can once I get married and have my own place. I don't think I'm going to have any luck then either.

[Unos]

Re: Why desi parents do this

Damn! My parents do exactly what the OP stated in her first post. I wish my parents weren't raised in Pakistan, then this wouldn't of happened. :(

[Sara516]

Re: Why desi parents do this

@Unos

Damn! My parents do exactly what the OP stated in** his** first post. I wish my parents weren't raised in Pakistan, then this wouldn't of happened. :(

uhhhh