Why childcare

[hareem01]

Re: Why childcare

*So how do you explain the toddlers/kids who display the same behaviors and worst, that actually do stay at home with their mothers? *

This is a general comment below, so please no one take personal offense... In general I have also seen some really bathmeez/disrespectful kids who are home all day with their mothers. You can't be ignorant and think that only if mother's stay at home with kids do they turn out ok. Everyone's situation is different. Not everyone can afford to stay at home, and no the woman is not always working to afford "luxuries"....its basic necessities too...like food, mortgage/rent, gas/commuter expenses, baby supplies, baby food...etc....not always to have the bigger car, the bigger house or whatever it is that people assume. Everyone has their situation. Not everything is clear cut either... just because a woman will stay home with kids, doesn't 100% mean the kids will turn out better and on opposite side just because a woman is working, does not mean the kids will go stray or whatever other reasons were given. All we can do is hope and pray and do the best we can with our kids.

I think someone said it before...its the "Quality not Quantity"of time spent together that matters most, and the values you teach, and live by example. You try your best, and rest you pray that Allah guides them well.

I have already talked about this in this post. Parents specially mothers should give only love to their children for the first 6 or 7 years. Children specially boys learn to love from their mothers, if they see their parents in anger with them they will do the same to others.

@hareem01

Then probably their parents were like that, aggressive. Often children's behaviour is reflection of their parents actions, if parents don't give any attention to children then children become aggressive or anti social or sometimes quite.

A bad parent should analyse his/her mistakes and sort his/herself out by understanding the needs of children instead of dumping them in a daycare nursery.

And for the quality and quantity theory....that applies to only fathers for only first seven years of a child after that age fathers should spend more time with their children especially the boys.

[Mamaof3]

Re: Why childcare

I have been SUCH a strong adherent to this...the important thing to me and to my hubby is that our littles know that mommy is at home for them. I didnt do what most in our town do - that is, nannies, play-dates, lessons etc etc. Well, we did do some lessons (like swimming etc) but for the most part, heck I have my very own "play group" each and every day. This has fostered SUCH a love of our boys for each other, its a beautiful thing to see. (well, to me, anyway lol) My boyz are the BEST of friends (yes they fight too but the underlying love is always there) and that is just SO important to me.

Yet....I had my middle son's kindergarten conference this past week. He does GREAT academically and in some ways, does great socially. But he is very self-consious with other boys his age. If the other boys are behaving then he will behave. If the other boys are MIS-behaving then he will follow along and misbehave also. What did the teacher recommend? More play-dates with boys in his class.

There is good and bad to whatever way you choose to raise your kids and it always changes, the things you do with them and the things you let them do on their own.

Parenthood is a really tough thing and there are never any "right" answers lol

and whew!!!!!! man0man I am just SO tired lol, its been a tough week on gs lol!!!

[X2]

Re: Why childcare

@Maham S

well some choices are hard to make but you gotta make them. You cant have your cake and eat it too :).

yes u can.
although in doing so ppl who have their cake
and people who have eaten their cake both look at u strange :)

they key is to have a bigger cake and save some.

same applies to life.

and u are right some choices are hard to make, and I dont think that mothers who put their kids in day care think its an easy choice by any means.

[X2]

Re: Is it easy? (Childcare question)

@Maham S

As for the majority of ladlays in pakistan...hmm i dont know wat exactly are you hinting at?!? yes, some kids are doing wrong and what not but that happens everywhere and when parents spend quality time with their kids they can control that to a great extent.

I am not hinting at anything, what i say I state openly.
the simple point is that stay at home mom does not automatically mean quality time with child.
and it does not automatically mean the kids have betetr upbrining
an I used Pakistan as an example because majority of women there are stay at home moms so you would expect that chichora pana, all kinds of cheating and fraud would be something that the kids will not do because they have been taught better..but thats not what we see, so either they are nto quite getting the solid foundation, or societal influences are stronger than home influences. because there is a lot thats wrong in pakistan in how ppl act, do things, what they do and how they do it.

@Maham S

thats true! but there r few facts too like mothers first and foremost duty is to maintain the house and look after the kids. But ofcourse there can be cases where the father mite not be able to earn enough for the whole family or issues like that where the women has no choice but to work. So everyone knows wat their situations and priorities are :).

a house can be maintained without having to sit at home. personally I think ladies make too much noise about the house being such an involved thing, few hours a day is all it takes to manage a house.

and its hardly just an issue of earning power of the man in the house. in the two physician couples in US, its not that a cardiologist is not making enough money, so why does his wofe work. I think intellectual challenge means something to some people as well, though not to all I suppose :)

[Niksik]

Re: Why childcare

It is great to be able to stay home and look after the kids. My personal choice.

But it all boils down to what we do with that time. Is it really adding value or is it making you an unproductive nagging individual. I know of moms who stay at home and watch dish all afternoon while their kids crave for their attention, or moms who are always on the phone while their kids are parked in front of the TV. But I also know of moms, who make best use of their time whether they are stay home moms or work full time.

I have learned the hard way that finding a productive activity that nurtures the mind can be very useful in providing sensible care, be it social work, community activities, work, work from home, because it is easy to get sidetracked when the ladies next door tempt us with cholay chaat and samosas every afternoon!:halo:

[Maham]

Re: Is it easy? (Childcare question)

I am not hinting at anything, what i say I state openly. the simple point is that stay at home mom does not automatically mean quality time with child. and it does not automatically mean the kids have betetr upbrining an I used Pakistan as an example because majority of women there are stay at home moms so you would expect that chichora pana, all kinds of cheating and fraud would be something that the kids will not do because they have been taught better..but thats not what we see, so either they are nto quite getting the solid foundation, or societal influences are stronger than home influences. because there is a lot thats wrong in pakistan in how ppl act, do things, what they do and how they do it.

a house can be maintained without having to sit at home. personally I think ladies make too much noise about the house being such an involved thing, few hours a day is all it takes to manage a house.

and its hardly just an issue of earning power of the man in the house. in the two physician couples in US, its not that a cardiologist is not making enough money, so why does his wofe work. I think intellectual challenge means something to some people as well, though not to all I suppose :)

oh god not again!....as always you find a diff meaning to whatever i say. hmm but i am 2 lazy to explain or reply to you rite now....wl do so 2morow :D

[Maham]

Re: Why childcare

Acha kya yaar....abhi hi reply kar deti hon....

I think i did mention atleast twice that stay at home mom doesn’t necessarily mean quality time with the kids. And that at times they may be giving even less time to the kids compared to what a working mother. So I don’t understand why you keep repeating that again and again. And as for Pakistan and the kids here…. well I would say parents are nowadays not paying much attention to the kids hence the damage. And ofcourse the society has a key role to play in it.

And secondly, women’s role as a housewife is very hard if not more than not even less than those who work outside. Not everyone has maids to help them out maybe you do hence you don’t think its that hard 2 maintain the house.

I just mentioned that if there is a financial issue than there is no option but to try and manage somehow with the mother working too. That didn’t mean I think she can work for money but not for intellectual challenge. But its just that she will have to make a choice and be honest about it.

[X2]

Re: Is it easy? (Childcare question)

oh god not again!....as always you find a diff meaning to whatever i say. hmm but i am 2 lazy to explain or reply to you rite now....wl do so 2morow :D

nope, I just like to explore things from other angles an sometimes it intende for the broader discussion in the thread and not just as a dialogue.

I dont think that we interact very often, so your thinking that I always fin a diff meaning to whatever you say is a little out there you know .

[Dushwari]

Re: Why childcare

why are you so upset with child care?

why childcare? what childcare? I'd never put my kid in childcare, jo marrzi hojai and I'm a man who stands to what he says!

[X2]

Re: Why childcare

Acha kya yaar....abhi hi reply kar deti hon....

I think i did mention atleast twice that stay at home mom doesn’t necessarily mean quality time with the kids. And that at times they may be giving even less time to the kids compared to what a working mother. So I don’t understand why you keep repeating that again and again. And as for Pakistan and the kids here…. well I would say parents are nowadays not paying much attention to the kids hence the damage. And ofcourse the society has a key role to play in it.

because you asked for clarification, an to clarify I had to repeat what I had initially said and then further explain it.

and its not that parents 'nowadays' are not paying much attention. One of my family friens was shot point blank at Dow Medical, when NSF and Jamiat had a gun Battle. not being with any group, he. my sister, and other students hid under cars, behind walls, whetver, and he was dragged out and shot point blank by a jamiat goon.

sectarian, an political violence has been in the nation for decades. In the 1980s muhajir-pathan riots, I recall that in one area ppl threw the poor pathan tandoor guy in his own tandoor.

And secondly, women’s role as a housewife is very hard if not more than not even less than those who work outside. Not everyone has maids to help them out maybe you do hence you don’t think its that hard 2 maintain the house.

First of all I ont have a maid, and between myself an my wife, we maintain the place,. BTW the point that the role of a housewife is as tough or tougher than those who work outside is pure hogwash. an avg housewife oes not have challenges close enough to what an avg consultant or investment banker or paramedic have to deal with. Lets be realistic here.

I just mentioned that if there is a financial issue than there is no option but to try and manage somehow with the mother working too. That didn’t mean I think she can work for money but not for intellectual challenge. But its just that she will have to make a choice and be honest about it.

Okay, so I just complete what you note, you ha stated that a woman can work if there is a financial need, I simply added to it. Good to see you agree.

[Dushwari]

Re: Why childcare

a working Mom can work from home office.
she can take the baby to work.
she can also change her own work hours, with times that father of the child will be home, from work and therefore will be able to help her with their child's care.
it will create a better bonded family.

[X2]

Re: Why childcare

dushwari- maybe some day.
its not always possible
and if u are working from home office, u still have to pay attention to the kid. unless we say that one can do both simultaneously.
One of my friends is a pharamcist who works from home. reviewing presceriptions and stuff, but she cant do that and change teh kid and feed the kid and spend quality time with the kid, so guess what? she has someone come in to take care of the kid, but she is around..diff floor diff room, but will come se ethe kid on breaks etc.

taking baby to work is the same issue, there is no way. can u imagine being a surgeon and having your kid crawling around as u are doing surgeries..so someone has to rtake care of the kid.

as far as flex work hours, now we are talking about sacrificing family time. if the husband works night shift and wife works day shift, what does that do to family life. possible..I have seen people o it, and it is a sacrifice, but it also depends heavily on what field you are in.

[Dushwari]

Re: Why childcare

you are so coming in june in ny, Fraudia bhai. i will admit all errors of impractical judgments then :> i see what you are saying and my humble reply is, if one wants to make it work, one will.

of course in surgeries , i wont be able to take in my own child. i wont want him or her there in the first place.
but, i can certainly have my child around me at times when work is over. little babies sleep after they are fed.
coordination between breaks and baby wake up time is possible.

i also agree it depends on the field i am in. like bhabi and i, we have to teach and teaching cant be in home, when we teach at colleges and schools.
but, i am sure as responsible women, we do take care of things as best as we can.

[X2]

Re: Why childcare

yeah dushwari, I will be in NYC next month.

as far as little babies sleeping, the ages ppl hae note until which a kid should be with mother have ranged from upto 3 to upto 7. believe me a 2 year old does not sleep that much.

I have worked from home some ays when the kids were sick and I could not do conf calls, especially not with clients etc. I could not balance between working on my stuff and spending quality time with them. In the end I just left an auto reply that I was out and just checked emails every so often to respond to any urgent stuff. Imagaine this on a daily basis.