Why childcare

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Why childcare

You know, in the end, it all comes down to what the husband along with his wife decide is best for their own. Myself, I was a high-earner but didnt think twice about leaving my career to be home with my littles. I was lucky enough that I was ABLE to do that. Many are not as lucky and require a 2-income household. Yes, I mentioned many luxuries like lessons for the kids. But those ARE luxuries, something that every parent wants their children to have IF they can do it. But aside from that is the fact that its very expensive to live a decent life in suburbia and many people need to have the wife at work in order to take care of just the necessities. Either that or forego children till they're on better financial terms. Meanwhile, the eggs are aging!

So unless you hit lotto or are a close relative of Mr Microsoft or Mr Trump then you have these decisions to make. Me? Heck, I'd live in a one-room hut before I'd give up being there for my youngsters. But thats a very personal and private, between-husband-and-wife type of choice that needs to be ironed all out before marriage yeah? Different people want different things and have different ideas of what they want for their kids. No big wrongs in either situation as most studies show - I mean you can read about how great working moms are and how positively it affects the kiddies. Then you can read just as many studies that say stay-at-homes are the better way to go.

Conclusion? Do whats best for YOUR family.

Yes/No Game
22

Re: Why childcare

Mamaof3, I love your responses. :)

23

Re: Why childcare

Awesome reply!

I used to work for many years but when I was expecting my first child, I so wanted to be a stay home mommy! Hubby gave me the choice and I have been at home since then. I guess many ladies do a great job of working and balancing their home lives. Hats off to them. In the end, every family has different needs and setup.

24

Re: Is it easy? (Childcare question)

you make a very valid point here BUT here the women or the couple will have to decide on their preferences....if she wants to have a career too than she should plan her kids accordingly as in have no more than 2 kids or gap them accordingly. Why must she put the kid through a childhood without much time with the mother? Why dont just have less kids so that she can afford to give the child the time he/she requires to grow up to be on their own and than resume her career. Having said that, a women can always have a career and kids too at the same time if the career is not very time consuming and/or is already established and doesnt need much time.

I am all for women having their careers heck even i got myself a professional degree ofcourse for the same reason. But i don't think its fair that i want kids and career at the same time that my career means i can't grant quality time to my kid.

25

Re: Why childcare

as far as purchase of a 3 bedroomhouse versus a 2 bedroom house, things like that are not just done because of luxury, but its a sound business decision. in places like chicago for example, if you have a townhouse and it has a one car garage, it will not sell as easily when you do want to sell it, it does not appreciate like the price of a 3 bedroom house, but the the price of a 3 bedroom house is not a 3rd higher than a 2 bedroom house. ify ou have a 4 car garage 6 bedroom house and you are a couple with one kid then the point can be made.

Better schools are in better areas, and houses in better school districts are expensive. There are many people who live in smaller houses in better areas and better school districts because of the quality of education issue. and within those school districts and areas the mix of housing can determine what you get, many of these places have very little rental communities, and houses are a certain size.

its not just a question of access to schooling but access to what schooling? ever seen difference between inner city schools students graduation rates, SAT scores, how many go to college, and what level college? how safe the schools are.

So you try to do the best you can within limits, maybe you dont go to the best school district where homes are 2 million plus, maybe you go to somewhere the price is half a million. surely you can find a place for 150K but in what area?

tot hink that workign couples are always doing it for greed is equal to saying that women who stay at home are lazy or not capable of doing anything else. Whereas in reality its a matter of choice.

and you are talking basic schooling, what about advanced education, you would want to give your kids the best opportunity that you can right? what you earn and what you save as a family can give them more choices and access to better opportunities.

26

Re: Why childcare

Please read books by Steve Biddulph on Childcare before you want to send your toddlers in childcare.

27

Re: Why childcare

I don’t wanna say anything on that all what you so called home-caring-working-supa-dupa moms say…

do what ya wanna do, I always get remembered to a Imam who said in his Friday Sermon “People’s business is not your business”…

Be careful, though. Money can gives you nothing, it’s God who grants…Kuch Logon Ko Khuda Paise Se Asmaatha Hai…Have a nice

@ cricket dude:

being a red wings fan killed the playoffs thread I guess…Ain’t no hockey fan here except for this gay fieldhockey, errrr, I’m sorry :snooty:

You don’t like bodies flyin’? you don’t like great saves? damn it…

Good Night!

28

Re: Why childcare

For goodness sakes, i cannot believe the arguments in here..

working moms are greedy? pfffft... not all of us who work want to get nike shoes for our kids.. maybe we're doing it so we can save enough money for their education... for them to be able to get the education they desire. Who knows, by the time my daughter gets to uni, she may not even be able to get HECS.. or even her primary schooling may not be free.. she wont have the luxury of education that her parents got...

geez...

29

Re: Why childcare

[quote]
I don't wanna say anything on that all what you so called home-caring-working-supa-dupa moms say...

do what ya wanna do, I always get remembered to a Imam who said in his Friday Sermon "People's business is not your business"...
[/quote]

Maybe you forgot the part about the sermon where they taught you not to judge people and be aggressive and offensive in the way you talk.

30

Re: Why childcare

Oh my goodness, the way some of you are talking totally explains the pansy kids I've been seeing lately.

A good parent does not sacrifice their child's upbringing, education, etc, for a faulty sense of duty and gratification. Sure, spend time with your kids, but please please please don't coddle and suffocate them like this. And home schooling? Are you kidding? Not in this competitive education system. Sure, teachers are meant to encourage and support, just as parents. But by high school, teachers have to challenge students in ways that can cause huge strains in parent-child relationships. Why the heck would you want to do that?

Sure I work for a comfortable lifestyle and because I enjoy what I do; but I also work to show those future daughters that there is more to the life of a woman than sacrificing herself for everyone she cares for.

31

Re: Is it easy? (Childcare question)

It is a misnomer that just because a woman is a stay at home mom she will give quality time to her a those will inturn help him be a better person

Majority of women in Pakistan are stay at home mom's and we know what the ladlay of many are doing

As far as someone who wants a career and spaces kids accordingly even if it is a less kids and less age difference if u are a stay at home mom until the kid is school age u are still looking at 7 years or so out of the market. You will be at a disadvantage

Its not just me saying it. Its the industry saying that.

Let me give u an example of a teacher forget cutthroat corporate or law or consulting or investment banking jobs

You have to be in your school district for a certain number of years before u can get tenure. In some cases its tough because due to budget issues new teachers are let go and maybe even brought back in later but if u are let go then your time Gor tenure is shot
your salary increases each year of service and for the additional training that you have done which btw you are required to do
so what is the end result?
you are a principal and have to manage costs and u have two candidates one who has had a few years of experience and has done advanced courses and one who is junior and the salary difference will be 10k what do u do? Its a huge issue for teachers
and as u get older and don't have a tenure harder it is to get and either u keep being hired and let go or u do substitute teaching

Now let's take medicine if u get your med degree in USA u are like 26-27 when you are done as a woman u have a fewissues facing u. You have to get married at some point the biological clock is ticking so u have to think about having kids and u have to worry about residencies multiple if you want to specialize. The answer from some may be to get married have a kid and then pursue residency and career 5 years later. Very hard. Same for law

In the end its everyone's choice

People have different needs obligations goals and vision and their path is different from others

There is no perfect one size fits allsituation

32

Re: Why childcare

I forgot to add that the pic I painted with the number of kids is an example based on the size of families ibsee in Pakistan. Because if that's the size and someone there can't work until the youngest one is in school that's the time away from the field

How can a career be established before someone has kids if u look at age when education is finished age at which ppl get married age to have kids you will see that something has to give somewhere

So its unfair to say well u want a career and have kids so pick a career that is 'easy' or does not require much effort. Its also an incorrect statement that once u have established a career its easy or requires less time and effort. Increase in responsibility comes with move up the ladder and u have to do what u have to do

33

Re: Why childcare

Maybe all these guys who are crying for a home stay mom, are too lazy to do their work themselves and have been spoiled by their home stay mom and now think they can pressurize the female generation to look after them and their kids, stay in two bedroom houses/flats with 5 kids, even let kids sleep with 2 in one bed and deny them the basics just becasue they want to be worshipped by their wifes and moms.

34

Re: Why childcare

Saadia,

I'm not that of guy, so please refrain from calling me like that. I'am a hard working student, who studies, works in a call center and works besides that unsalaried for the jamaat.

5 days Uni, 3 days work and 2 days the voluntary work. I never take a day off.
I don't need a home staying mom, I don't need childcare, I only need my kids and their happiness. Ab meri whife kaam karna chuuru kardi gi, baacha kahaan jay gaa? childcare? No...I want to give my kid a spiritual life, not a materialism life my parents lived and gave.

I hate money, If I could I'd burn all the damn money in this world. Don't blame it on the age and time, we r responsible for these days as I said

Man proposes, God disposes

And money brings injustice...

you're funny, too saadia...I really wanna know who cried for a mod against me...
Instead of giving me an answer, you come up with this...see, you don't have answers,
you got nothing...go and make your money, money, money...I'm not the one stopping you, never was and never will be...

peace sister, I'm sick of this discussion, leads to nothing as I see...

I wanna
35

Re: Why childcare

money is not the problem, its our attitude .. if you are a hard working student then why are u working at a call center to earn money, i guess studies in germany are for free right, oh I forgat u need it for books, cloths, shoes, food .. yes we females with kids need the same things, lets forget luxuries and not everyone can survive with an one salary expecially if you have a husband who is supporting his old parents and sister's education back home.

You also dont judge ppl or working moms and we will not judge you.

36

Re: Why childcare

Studies in Germany ain't free anymore...750 € per semester...We'll talk on that later...

37

Re: Is it easy? (Childcare question)

But i specifically mentioned that its the quality time with the kid thats matter. Thats why i even said that if a career doesnt demand too much of the mother's time, meaning she can give quality time to her kid, than by all means she can afford to have a baby along with having a career.

I agree that there are cases where the stay at home mom's are not yet giving quality time to their kids. Or some dont even have a career but are too busy with their socializing and kittie parties which result in no time for the kids. And ofcourse thats terrible as they should have a balance for everything in life.

As for the majority of ladlays in pakistan...hmm i dont know wat exactly are you hinting at?!? yes, some kids are doing wrong and what not but that happens everywhere and when parents spend quality time with their kids they can control that to a great extent.

thats true! but there r few facts too like mothers first and foremost duty is to maintain the house and look after the kids. But ofcourse there can be cases where the father mite not be able to earn enough for the whole family or issues like that where the women has no choice but to work. So everyone knows wat their situations and priorities are :).

38

Re: Why childcare

well some choices are hard to make but you gotta make them. You cant have your cake and eat it too :).

39

Re: Why childcare

This topic usually creates very heated debate but it really shouldnt. Each and every couple on the planet has different circumstances, beleifs, customs and desires as far as how to raise their family. Its a private matter yeah? What works for one family may not work for another. So its not up to us to judge. Its up to us to do our own best for our own family.

That aside, numb man you need to do a bit of analysis before you move on to fatherhood! You said

"I don't need a home staying mom, I don't need childcare, I only need my kids and their happiness"

Wrong! Ok, so you plan to stay home and home-school your kids. So you will need a high-earning wife. Or a wife who will take care of home, family, home-schooling. Whoever does the schooling needs to be an educated and very dedicated person who is willing to take on this more than full-time hob in addition to the more than full-time job of taking care of house, home and family. Otherwise, how will you buy food, clothing and shelter? So you care nothing about money? Thats a lovely thought, truly. Yet when you have children and no money, will you feel bad when your children need to wear worn-out hand-me-down clothes? Or when they're cold in winter because you have to live in sub-standard housing? Money is a requirement of living these days. Unless of course you become a self-sufficient farmer but thats out too because farmers work from dawn to dusk - who then will home-school the kids?

When you do have kids one day, you will find - as most people do - that your ideals of family life very often fall by the wayside. Its a great thing to have ideals and to hold on to them. Yet you will one day see that it isnt possible to hold to them.

40

Re: Why childcare

The reason I said you have issues is because tameez se baat karna is definitely not your cup of tea. You feel attacked and offended by everyone here while you are the one who has ridiculous replies and unnecessary namecalling!

I’m not even going to get into (again) your false accusations and judgments you wrote in the quoted text. Kisnay kahaa ke women always back each other up? Have you never followed any discussions here on GS between women??

I never said I am better than you but yes I will give you my opinion if you like to hear it. I think there’s nothing wrong with women who leave their child in a childcare institution. Given that at least the first year of the kids life is spent with his/her mother. Kids need to go out of their sheltered life and interact with the world. Aakhir issi dunya mein rehna hai sab ne. I have seen many examples of kids who were brought up home till they were of a schoolgoing age and had trouble to adjust and play with other kids. Their social skills were underdeveloped Example: my very own nephew; he only started speaking once he joined childcare. And that's not because his mother never taught him or didn't stimulate, on the contrary. They pick up (even the smallest) things at daycare. Things even mothers can't teach them!

If you want to homeschool your future kids and have a stay-at-home wife then that’s your choice. Respect other that don’t share your opinion!