Why can't muslim women marry a non-Muslim man

Why can’t a Muslim woman marry a non-Muslim man?
Written By: Shiekh Jasem Al- Mutawa’

More than 500 women attended the Swiss Muslim woman conference in Newchatle, Switzerland. The conference addressed some very interesting lectures, one of which was called “understanding psychologies”, another one called “ how did prophet Mohamed Salla Allah Allih Wa Salam handle his marital problems”.

And the conference was concluded with “Round Table”, a special session for discussing the problems facing Muslim families in Switzerland, France, and Italy. Among the attendances, there were Muslim women of Arabic origin, European origin, and new converts.

The conference management was remarkably excellent. A special hall was dedicated to the women who have babies with them. And there were three special places for day care.

The conference duration was just one day, but it was better than a hundred days with its distinctive programs and events. What I noticed most was that, the new the converts, and those who are still thinking about converting to Islam, were facing difficulties in solving their social problems.

One of them said: “I want to convert to Islam, but I don’t want to wear hijab”.

A second one said: “you are talking about raising kids in Islam, and I’m a new convert, I don’t have the knowledge, or the ability to raise my kids in an Islamic way…so what do I do?”

A third one said: “why is it permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Christian or a Jewish woman, and in the same time, it is forbidden that a Muslim woman marries an infidel?”

A forth one said: “my husband is a political refugee, and we are so busy with our financial problems, we don’t have enough time to raise our kids in the proper way”.

After that we started discussing these problems through lectures, and side discussions. In this article, I discuss only one issue, that is, why doesn’t Islam treat man, and woman evenly? Islam forbids a Muslim woman from marrying a non-Muslim man, and allows a Muslim man to marry a Christian or a Jewish woman.

During the conversation, I started by explaining that the main principle in Islam is the equality in belief between the husband and his wife. This equality and consistency help in making their marriage successful.

Allowing a Muslim man to marry a Christian or a Jewish woman, is an exceptional rule applied under special circumstances. And when a Muslim man marries a Christian or a Jewish woman, there is no problem, because he believes in all prophets, and all holy books. There will be no problem between him and his wife in this matter, especially that his religion -Islam- commands him to be fair with his wife even if she were Christian or Jewish. And any Muslim man going through such marriage should have strong belief in his faith, and should strongly abide by his religion.

The reason for forbidding a Muslim woman from marrying a non-Muslim, is that a Christian or a Jewish man believes only in his prophet, and doesn’t believe in prophet Mohamed Salla Allah Allih Wa Salam or any of the other prophets (blessing be upon them).

For example, when this Muslim woman, tries to teach her kids to love and respect all prophets and believe in all of them, her non-Muslim husband will not agree, because he believes only in his prophet. He will interfere in the way she raises her kids, and prevents her from raising them in an Islamic way. And here comes the real problem, because she will have only two options, whether she leaves the whole thing as it is, and does nothing about it -which will be an insult to her religion- or she argues about the matter, and this will sure lead to more marital problems.

On the other hand, there will be no such problems between a Muslim husband, and a non Muslim wife, because if this wife tried to teach her kids to love and believe in her prophet, her Muslim husband will not refuse that because he already believes in her prophet and all prophets. This is why Islam allows the marriage between Muslim man and non-Muslim woman, and forbids the marriage between Muslim woman, and non-Muslim man. Because Islam respects the marital relationship and wants to guarantee its stability, not because it respects men, and disrespects women …

Discussing these issues with the westerners is so important, so that they get to know Islam better, and understand the logic behind social rules, and issues.

One of the nice stories mentioned in the conference, was a story of a Muslim girl when her school was celebrating Christmas. She was blamed for not celebrating her prophet’s birthday as they do. Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala inspired her with a very smart answer. She said to her teachers and her friends, “you believe only in one prophet, but we Muslims, respect and believe in all prophets. If we tried to celebrate all the prophets’ birthdays then everyday of the year would be a feast for us.” They were all astounded by her brilliant answer.

source: http://www.almutawa.info

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sadya: *

For example, when this Muslim woman, tries to teach her kids to love and respect all prophets and believe in all of them, her non-Muslim husband will not agree, because he believes only in his prophet. He will interfere in the way she raises her kids, and prevents her from raising them in an Islamic way.
[/quote]

[quote]
On the other hand, there will be no such problems between a Muslim husband, and a non Muslim wife, because if this wife tried to teach her kids to love and believe in her prophet, her Muslim husband will not refuse that because he already believes in her prophet and all prophets.
[/quote]

I didn't know this self created 'rule' was based on such a gross generalizations....

What if the non-Muslim man is ok with her wife's religion (a logical conclusion since he agreed to marry her .. DUH).. and has no problems with his wife bringing up their kids with knowledge of all 'Muslim' prophets.. does the 'rule' allow for that exception??

What if the Muslim woman is the 'dominant' one in the relationship??

What if the both of them are just carrying around the label of their religion.. true for a majority of people these days??

When the Muslim man is ok with her non-Muslim wife to teach their kids about prophets.. is he ready for his Jewish wife to tell their kids Jesus and Muhammad weren't true prophets of God??

this is a bizarre explanation of the rule... it doesnt make sense ..

how can someone say that the wife isnt the dominant one in the relationship... (as in our desi community... mostwomen rule the homes and kids)

this explanation contradicts why a wife should stay home and be the homemaker... isnt she responsible for the upbringing of her children.. if so.. then wouldnt she be the main influence in what religion her kids grow up with and accept?

hmmm

:nono4: Impossible

interesting ..

Otherwise us muslim boys would run out of girls!

as far as i know even muslim guys cannot marry non muslims girls.

As sadzz mentioned, the argument given here does have a number of holes in it.

A far more convincing explanation for the rule that I read was that regardless of what might be held up as ideal circumstances, in the overwhelming majority of cultures on earth, there is pressure, both within and particular from outside of a marriage, for a wife to conform to the norms of her husband and to be similar to her husband and his family. In real terms, this means that should a Muslim woman marry a non-Muslim man, there would generally be strong pressure on her to convert. Over time, this means that a Muslim woman married to a non-Muslim man is considerably more likely to leave Islam.

In contrast, when a Muslim man marries a woman of the Ahle-Kitaab, the general pressure works the other way around - the wife comes under pressure to convert to Islam. The pressure generally placed upon the Muslim man to leave Islam is lower than on a Muslim woman married to a non-Muslim.

Of course, there will be some cases where a Muslim man married to a Non-Muslim woman will come under more pressure to leave Islam than other cases where a Muslim woman marries a non-Muslim man. But religious legislation and moral codes exist for the general better good of scoiety as a whole, rather than accounting for a minority of exceptional cases.

In conclusion, I re-iterate my point that regardless of what many may hold as the ideal situation, where in a marriage no pressure (or equal pressure on both sides) at all exists for either party to abandon their religious beliefs, the ground reality is that such pressure do exist. Furthermore, these pressures generally work so as to place much greater pressure on a wife to conform to her husband, than for a husband to conform to his wife's beliefs. A cross-religious marriage would generally place a Muslim woman under greater pressure to leave Islam than it would place a Muslim man. Therefore it is not permitted.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Wise One: *
as far as i know even muslim guys cannot marry non muslims girls.
[/QUOTE]

Muslim men are permitted to marry chaste women from the Ahle-Kitaab (Christian and Jews). These days, scholars warn that it is increasingly difficult to find chaste women amongst the Ahle-Kitaab, due to the culture of promiscuity int he west, Plus finding someone who is actually a practising Christian or Jew and hence deserving of the title is getting tricky too, with the increasing spread of atheism.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by mAd_ScIeNtIsT: *

Muslim men are permitted to marry chaste women from the Ahle-Kitaab (Christian and Jews). These days, scholars warn that it is increasingly difficult to find chaste women amongst the Ahle-Kitaab, due to the culture of promiscuity int he west, Plus finding someone who is actually a practising Christian or Jew and hence deserving of the title is getting tricky too, with the increasing spread of atheism.
[/QUOTE]

what muslims can do if musilm women marries hindu in india
if local laws protect that marriage?

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by rvikz: *
what muslims can do if musilm women marries hindu in india
if local laws protect that marriage?
[/QUOTE]

The exact same thing they can do in the UK or the USA when Muslim men marry Hindu women, or Muslim women marry non-Muslim men.

Absolutely nothing, except educate their own children as to how such a union is disobedient to God, and in turn, how such a union, not being acceptable to God, means that the couple's marital and sexual intercourse is sinful too. They can just educate their children as to how such a union is sinful in itself and in turn leads to sin after sin.

Reasons jo bhi hain…

We can’t always understand the wisdom behind divine orders. The only reason that should matter is because Allah (Subhanahu wa ta'ala) and his Rasool (Sallalaho alaihe wa sallam) said so, that should be enough for a Muslim and who cares for what the non-Muslims think?

^^ why do you call Islam "Deen-e-Fitrat" (a Natural Religion) then?? it should be called "Deen-e-Itaaat" (A Religion of Obedience).

And it isn't a 'divine order' that prohibits Muslim women to marry outside their faith..

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by PakistaniAbroad: *
And it isn't a 'divine order' that prohibits Muslim women to marry outside their faith..
[/QUOTE]

Then perhaps an alternative explanation of verse 10 of the 60th Sura, Al-Mumtahina, could be offered?

I give below 3 translations , by Yousaf Ali, Marmeduke Pikhtal, and Shakir.

YUSUFALI: O ye who believe! When there come to you believing women refugees, examine (and test) them: Allah knows best as to their Faith: if ye ascertain that they are Believers, then send them not back to the Unbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the Unbelievers, nor are the (Unbelievers) lawful (husbands) for them. But pay the Unbelievers what they have spent (on their dower), and there will be no blame on you if ye marry them on payment of their dower to them. But hold not to the guardianship of unbelieving women: ask for what ye have spent on their dowers, and let the (Unbelievers) ask for what they have spent (on the dowers of women who come over to you). Such is the command of Allah: He judges (with justice) between you. And Allah is Full of Knowledge and Wisdom.
PICKTHAL: O ye who believe! When believing women come unto you as fugitives, examine them. Allah is Best Aware of their faith. Then, if ye know them for true believers, send them not back unto the disbelievers. They are not lawful for them (the disbelievers), nor are they (the disbelievers) lawful for them. And give them (the disbelievers) that which they have spent (upon them). And it is no sin for you to marry such women when ye have given them their dues. And hold not to the ties of disbelieving women; and ask for (the return of) that which ye have spent; and let them (the disbelievers) ask for that which they have spent. That is the judgment of Allah. He judgeth between you. Allah is Knower, Wise.
SHAKIR: O you who believe! when believing women come to you flying, then examine them; Allah knows best their faith; then if you find them to be believing women, do not send them back to the unbelievers, neither are these (women) lawful for them, nor are those (men) lawful for them, and give them what they have spent; and no blame attaches to you in marrying them when you give them their dowries; and hold not to the ties of marriage of unbelieving women, and ask for what you have spent, and kt them ask for what they have spent. That is Allah's judgment; He judges between you, and Allah is Knowing, Wise.


This does strike me as being an order from a divine source that a marriage between a Muslim woman is a non-Muslim man is not permissible - but perhaps I'm mistaken. Care to enlighten me? :)

It is just men trying to protect their bictches and make sure they walk 5 steps behind them...that's all. By having ordinances like these, it is another sign of insecurity.

So, NYA, care to explain Surah 60, Verse 10 in a way that is not "narrow-minded and stupid", as you say?

madhanee: When the quran was written, the arab men probably couldn't hold on to their women. With all the good looking hebrews and the christians around they probably felt a bit insecure. Good to see they carried this insecurity for over a millenia. Do you think it is a genetic marker in the arabs?

Mad,

am i the only one who sees any 'context' in the verse.. refugees, women coming themselves seeking protection.... unbelievers (not Christian, Jews or people of the book) ??? and more importantly resolving specific issues of dealing with existing unbelieving wives at the unique time of advent of Islam..

:rotfl: You actually think Islam is in full practice in Saudi Arabia? Saudi Arabia is run by Nejd culture masqueraded as Islam, just as the Taliban implemented rural Pashtun culture masqueraded as Islam.

By the way, NYA, your post essentially seems to suggest that you view Islam as being no longer valid… in which case we have no middle ground to talk over.

And incidentally… it’s not up to some “assbackward Molvi” to tell people who they can and can’t marry… it’s up to God who created them. And when God’s instructions are laid out as clearly as in 60:10, you don’t need a “assbackward Molvi” to tell you who you can and can’t marry… the writing is there to read, clear as day.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by PakistaniAbroad: *
Mad,

am i the only one who sees any 'context' in the verse.. refugees, women coming themselves seeking protection.... unbelievers (not Christian, Jews or people of the book) ??? and more importantly resolving specific issues of dealing with existing unbelieving wives at the unique time of advent of Islam..
[/QUOTE]

Whilst I agree that considering the context of versus is of utmost importance to prevent misinterpretation of Quranic verses to justify evils, the argument does not hold up in this case.

The verse quite clearly indicates that rather than refugee women who should not be sent back, as being unlawful as wives for disbelieving men, specifically only those refugee women who prove themselves to be Muslims should not be sent back - only those women who are Muslims became unlawful wives for disbelievers.

Before I can begin to answer the second part of your questions, about disbelivers versus Ahle-Kitaab, I will need to refer back to the original arabic to see exactly what word was translated to "disbelievers" - whether it was "Kuffar" or something else. Depending on that answer, I'll pick one of two arguments.

Unfortunately, I'm on a business trip from 45 minutes from now until Wednesday night (GMT), so I'll try and do my research on Wednesday night and get back to this thread if I can.