hello,
I am misbah 16 years, i have been dating my boyfriend who is white for almost 3 years and
my parents does not have a clue. Why is it wrong to make love to someone you love, being a muslim is real tough life cause we cant go anywhere hand in hand. Why are so many pakistanis living in the stoneage.
M. K.
Misbah,
I think you are a confused girl -
obviously you know it is wrong otherwise you wouldn't be hiding the fact that your are dating from your parents.
You seem to be going through a rebellious stage in your life. Your parents are trying to bring you up as a decent god fearing girl and you are going around flaunting that trust.
Sort your life out girl - before it is too late!!!!!
I think you are wrong.
Traditionally, Muslim boys are allowed to have white girlfriends and Muslim girls are also allowed to have white GIRLFRIENDS.
No discrimination in Islam.
Misbah:
I think either you have a wrong concept or you are told wrong. Muslim Boys CAN NOT have a girlfriend (does not matter what skin color she has)and same as with the Muslim girls. Who ever has a girlfriend or boyfriend and makes love to her/him with out marrying to her/him is living in the life of sin regardless that person is a muslim man or woman. I just wanted to make it clear to you that there is no relaxation for the boys in this matter in Islam. This is just a stupid society tradition that if a boy makes any mistake like that he can still be accepted in the society but if a girl makes the same mistake, she faces lots of problems and tell you the truth this stupid thing is not only in our third world society, it is common in the so called well organized western society too. If you go to school here you must have observed this that if a guy sleeps with the half of the girls in the school, he is known as the hunk in the school but if a girl sleeps with a few guys in the school she is called whore.
So, plese do not think yourself low, you are as important in the muslim society as a muslim man. Actually you are more important then the guys on some points. If there is some thing sin for you, that is sin for them too. I think I have answered your other question also in which you asked that "Why is it wrong to make love to someone you love". This is not wrong, this is sin, only if you feel that way. You are only 16 and please think twice before making big decisions. And after giving a long thought, do what ever you think is right for you and your believes.
PG
No offense to your religious knowledge but which ISLAM are you talking about?
I was just joking and playing with words. Sorry if I hurt sentiments.
misbah : You apparently dont know the meaning of the word "Muslim". Being born in a muslim family does not guarantee anything, much less salvation. If you were a practising muslim, then dating would not be an issue for you. Like Azhar said, sort out your life, before its too late.
Later on
Zman
Misbah:
Just b/c society "accepts" the guys making a mistake doesn't make it rite. It's the same ol' "boys will be boys" theory.
But you shouldn't go out and start dating white or other just b/c you want to set society straight! Dating is haram and ppl shouldnt just accept it as a fact of life.
Btw, msaqibj, you are rite, a girl who sleeps with a few guys at school (or wherever) shouldnt be called a "whore" she should be called a HO (whores get paid).
Misbah,
I am sorry to say that your parents have really neglected you and they have not paid attention to you to tell you what our religion is all about. I would balme them as much as i blame you . Look into yourself, are you sure that you are hanging out with white because you have an identity crisis. you are confused . having sex does not make you a developed nation but gives you aids. this is how it starts , tommorow u will say that u want to be a lesbain . is there something wrong in that . don't feel that being nonwhite and muslim makes you inferior , it does not.
i hope allah have mercy on you.
Misbah:
Please read the "Paki Girl Joke" thread in the Joke forum....it just might hit home!
May Allah have mercy on us "Amreeeeecans"
hahaha! amusing...
girlfriend/boyfriend....islam...white/ brown...
-) having a grilfriend or a boyfriend ( white brown or green whateva ) does not mean you are not a muslim
-) your parnets wont let yu go out with males of any colour.... so if you don wanna believe in them.. dont! why worried about colours?
-) if islam is too tough, why dont you consider leaving it altogether? so there wont be any fuss at all about makin love to someone no matter what colour they belong.
Misbah, you amuse me, and i respect you.. it would be nice to see more posts from you. i'm interested in how you feel about some other topics too..
you're an innocent and straightforward girl.. you're amusing! sweet..!
I live in my mind, I fly high, I sail on ships of wonder, I think about the world and sigh, I got my army, I fight the world
I am caught inside my embryonic cell, I trap my memories, I can throw it all in a never ending well,
I tell,
I see the face of doom, I wear the jewels, black jewels, of insignificance.
I think that everyone should chill out and take it easy on Misbah. She posted something here and was hoping for a response, probably hoping for a response which was less judgmental. (Although Misbah, that "stoneage" remark was a poor choice of words on your part. If your wish not to be thrashed, please avoid generalizing about an entire nation of people.)
In terms of your post: Your a Pakistani Muslim who started a relationship with a white Christian boy at the age of 13 - a relationship which inculdes "mak[ing] love". There is alot more to your dillema than just "religion" or "race". You've neglected to examine the issues surrounding age, culture and pre-marital sex.
Regardless of where you live in the world today, or what race or religion you belong to, in general parents do not approve of their 13 year olds getting involved in relationships - especially relationships involving love. In terms of the race issue, I'm sure your "partner's" parents have the same issues as your parents. The same goes for religion. Try to look at it holistically, the situation your in is more complicated than you may percieve it to be.
Good luck in your quest for answers, I'm sure everything will become clear to you as you mature ;)
Misbah:
I would not ask you to leave the religion because of doing something which is wrong in religion. You will find bunch of stupids around telling you lots of strange things about religion. These people do not even know what religion is and these people have their own versions of religions. But, please, be careful and as I said earlier think twice before making any big decisions and if you DO decide to go for the life which is not acceptable for the people around you, then go for it, that way, at least you would be proud of yourself that you are living your own chosen life. After that,if you ever decide to come back to the life which religion wants you to live, please do not hezitate to come back, you will find lots of loving ones waiting to say you welcome back.
Again, living as a muslim and practicing Islam is not hard at all. You will find the love, respect and every thing you deserve in Islam if you understand and learn the religion. So, Please do not leave the religion, just try to understand it. As I said earlier, you are more respectable then the guys who are messing around and still think they are kool. Atleast you have courage to say what you feel.
Hello misbah....
Wellcome to the forum....no hello , no salam ...no intro....jumping into such a serious topic,,without being friends first!! doesnt seem right.
I read your post twice, had to really think before writing this....I know by this time you are probably pretty offended by some of the responses , that maybe like your parents , are trying to thrust down their ideas , without appreciating the difficult situation that someone who is transplanted in an allien culture can find herself in..but I hope you will read these few lines....
I am assuming that by muslim you mean desis...which is really not just being a muslim but having strong cultural influences on top of that...you are right its very ironic, and hypocritical for ppl in our culture to have double standards..seems unfair , doesnt it...it should cause it is...
I want to address a couple of things that you mentioned ....firstly..I didnt get the sense that you were asking for an advice,,,just wanted to share your frustration , at doing what seems only logical ,,,and having to feel bad about it , and having to hide it...so no advice from me...just some thoughts...
Secondly. there are many things that we dont understand very well,,specially cultural issues ,and specially if the popular practice is different than that , and closer to what we want....I can think of quite a few things that are not wrong in my mind , but I give up because it hurts my loved ones....but for that I really have to feel loved and understood by these folks....I didnt get the sense that you have that kind of a relationship with your parents..think about it..
lastly ,,,"is making love to some one who you love ,wrong?"...I dont know , but what I certainly can say is that sometimes we fool ourselves with the words we choose..specially if the words carry vague meaning , different for different ppl..I dont know what you mean when you say love..Is it the feeling of being turned on by some one??? wanting to be with some one who makes you feel accepted and appreciated???..but anyhow ...would it be wrong if I rephrase your question as .."IS it wrong to have sex with someone who you are attracted to"..which in my opinion is the case you are describing(please tell me if I am wrong,,,and surely I can be wrong)..and for this we have to approach it from a different angle..It depends on , how you want to define who you are...
There are different goals for different stages of life....at thirteen , it probably was more appropraite , for you to start thinking of the career you will have, work on sharpening your talents,,,,Begining to learn what relationships mean..and not getting in any before you knew , what these were all about....I am assuming that you want to go through life as a successful , talented , well respected woman , who has an understanding of who she is and what she wants from life.. intellect to know what is appropriate to hold that status , and integrity , to postpone gratification,,if it interferes with your greater goals...
If at age 13(that is when you started .dating this guy ..right) you felt a strong need to be with this guy , did it even when you had to hide it from your folks,,,I am afraid you are not starting adult life on a very successful path.. to a bystander you would seem as an impulsive , mistrusting person..which is not the recipe of a successful and happy life...
One last thing....Its a choice for you . to either adopt the desi, or the western culture..Both have their strong and weak points ...its not easy for a desi person to get absorbed completely in the western culture...and by following relatively less restrictive principles we limit our acceptance in desi culture..
There is a whole different, but very important area of the potential to get repeatedly hurt , when we start getting in serious relationships,,so early in life....
If the different things i have mentioned above seem a little alien ,,something you havnt thought of before ., than I am afraid , you did get into it too early....
Having said all that, no matter what you choose to do , I would care , and respect you as a person the same....my disagreements on some points , do not mean that I am judging you as doing wrong...
Let me know what you think about this....and take care....
Misbah,
Muslim guyz are NOT ALLOWED TO go out with girlz period. Itz just the fact that they get away with it..while muslim girlz don't. Neither of us are supposed to go out with the opposite sex in the first place
oooppsss
[This message has been edited by guest (edited February 19, 1999).]
Misbah
Will choose not to get into the Islamic issues which are obvious dear.
Culturally speaking it is much more acceptable that guys do it. There are many areas that dessi men are allowed freedom and we aren’t. It is a fact of the culture that we live in and is a frustration for many dessi woman. WE dessi woman are seen as both good/innocent and wild/wanton at the same time. We’ve discussed it briefly in the religious section under muslim woman and sexuality thread.
Please read Nova’s thread above he gave you some good insights (not advice :))
Your relationship is something that you must hide from your parent. Since, I’m assuming that you live with them, the secret takes much effort.
However, it is ultimately your choice what types of decision that you make..just realize the ramifications that they can have in all areas of your life.
Ghalib jee
May Allah (SWT) have mercy on us-- humans….
[This message has been edited by kashmirigirl (edited February 20, 1999).]
I'm thinkin' Hinnah is right.
'Cuz think about this.Either be a Muslim and stay within the boundary set, or cross it and wreck your life.
I can understand Misbah's Problems 'cuz believe me, its not easy being young.
You've got your Parents telling you the right thing.
And you've also got Peer Pressure. Every thing else tells you the oppossite.
God knows how I coped with it...
I don't know what’s the PURPOSE of this posting and why are we discussing this issue here.
I think this is a fake question, posted by a fake person. I have a feeling that there is no Misbah who has been asking such a stupid question. This question was posted here just to generate a discussion about the illegitimate relationship and pre marriage sexual relationship which is known as DATING in this country.
Just pay attention to her wordings”......Why is it wrong to make love to someone you love, being a muslim is real tough life cause we cant go anywhere hand in hand. Why are so many pakistanis living in the stoneage.” (
I think every body know that in USA “making love” means having sexual relationship)
Misbah Bibi (whoever you are). YOU GOT A SERIOUS PROBLEM HERE.
So basically what she wants to know are few things.
Why it is wrong to have sexual relationship with a person?
Why they can not date?
Why they can not go anywhere hand in hand?
And lastly why are we still living in STONE AGE.
Every body knows what would and what should be a real and true answer. If you are a Muslim whether boy or girl, it is HARAM to have sexual relationship with another person without marrying her/ him. Period.
It does.t matter parents know or not. It does,t matter you are women or man or the person you are dating is Muslim or not. This is HARAM. HARAM and HARAM. This sin is among those about which Islamic orders are very clear, no doubt, no different interpretation. Every sect, every maktaba-e-fikr, agree on it that this is GUNAH-E-KABIRA (big sin) which has major punishment.
So if somebody is doing it, its a sin and he or she would be punished for that if not here then on the day of JUDGEMENT.
So whoever is Misbah is, he or she should make it clear in his or her mind. DO NOT TRY TO DISSOLVE THE SEVERITY OF THIS SIN BY MAKING IT A SOCIAL OR WOMEN DEPRIVED THING.
I am very surprised to see the remarks of few of our readers (including our dear moderator) who were trying to make it a gender, social, and philosophical issue. This question was not posted to find out why boys are alloed to date and girls are not (altough this posting was posted like that).
Every body who is mature enough to have sexual relationship, knows this sin is HARAM for EVER BODY irespective of gender.
This is not a PAKISTANI issue either becuase This relationship is HARAM whether you are Pakistani or American or Russian or Indian.
If this question would have been posted by a NON MUSLIM or the person would have asked ONLY a social problem related to this relationship, then my answer would have been quiet different.I would have discussed social and cultural aspect of this.
But his question was posted by person who claims to be a Muslim and wants to challenge the ISLAMIC LAW. In this case any body who is sympathetic with her or writing or giving her wrong advices and thus encouraging for this relationship, is also liable for that and she/or he will also will also be punished by ALLAH.
May Allah save us from ALL sins, small or big.
[This message has been edited by Fatah (edited February 21, 1999).]
Guyz she is so young and innocent. I am afraid some of us have scared her away by now.
Anyways Achtung and Nova's posts are really worth reading. I read Nova's 2 times.
Misbah dear hope u are still around. :)