So PCG what man is asking you to change for him? Hm? And if you're content with how you are, why cause needless stress about who the guys are marrying from back home? Who cares what those guys do, they are not YOUR guy . Why work yourself up over them? And if you want things your way, good for you. You'll find a man who likes you for who you are InshAllah.
p.s It's great to stick to our own beliefs and views on life...but in relationships and marriages, we have to be willing to compromise.
Obviously, there are a lot of girls like me. Educated (upper level degrees, beyond a bachelors), strong of mind, expecting a DECENT guy (not the run of the mill gas station guy).
Obviously, a lot of decent guys (not the run of the mill gas station guy) are going back to Pakistan because of ingrained FALSE stereotypes of Pakistani girls raised in Pakistan vs. raised in the West.
ERGO, the selection pool for girls like us is fairly limited. Limited by the fact that many Pakistani guys are NOT going for a college education (its pretty rampant here in South Florida honestly, most guys just go to community college and take over their dad's share in a Subway business or they work at gas stations/convenience stores, etc), and further limited by the fact that the guys who are a good match go back to Pakistan to find a girl, and FURTHER LIMITED by the fact that more westernized men will often marry a non-Pakistani (gori, hispanic...notice how African American isn't popular with these people).
So, the pool is VERY limited for girls like us. Hence why a large percent of upper level educated girls are either not getting married, or if they are, they are getting married in families which are not as educated/or roshan khayal (maybe they have degrees, but they still live in the stone age) and are being forced to give up their careers and stay at home.
Some girls, mashallah, get really good matches. Happens often in families that are very restrictive about background matches. For example, she is a specific type of memon and must marry in a specific type of memon. So those pools are limited to begin with and in some situations the more wealthy a girl's family (unfortunately, those are often the girls pursuing upper level degrees), the more easier it is for them to "buy" a guy with a really good dowry. Happened to one of my friends. She is bantwa memon, a type of memon where the guy goes to the family offering the best dowry, and bantwas are known to basically pay for everything down to the guy's home and car and his Rolex watch.
But those populations are small pockets, I think. I don't think most families fall into this category. Could I pursue a like-minded Kutchi Memon guy? Sure. If I look hard enough and if I inform every Kutchi memon family we know to be on the lookout. But I don't want to narrow myself so much, and yeah even though I'd be more comfortable with a guy whose family is from Karachi, doesn't mean I need to restrict myself to a memon because Karachi houses nearly every Pakistani ethnicity. Besides, its a very small population to work from , and I think most Kutchi memons are so streamlined into the main population, that we're often made fun of as "the fake memons" or "kachi (weak) memons".
So there you have it. Is it impossible for me to find a mate? No
But this constant ignorant thinking that girls from America are not worth marrying IS AFFECTING A LOT OF GIRLS. This is not just me getting angry. There are a lot of girls who are not getting good rishtas because all the good rishtas are going back to Pakistan. How many times do you hear of the belle from Pakistan getting married to a Doctor Living In America?
It's a stereotype because its so common now.