I was reading “For Matrimonial Purposes” by Kavita Daswani and it’s about this women in her early thirties who isnt yet married. She lives and works in NYC (on her own) and travels a lot and is some kind of fashion publicist or something. But of course, none of these achievements matter to her parents and to everyone else in India when she goes back there for someone’s wedding. All they see is a woman who’s not married and all she needs to make her complete and a woman is a husband, her job, her independance, her achievements matter naught.
The book is so infuriating! All through out it everybody keeps putting her down and at one point she herself says that it’s a wonder that her self esteem isnt in tatters.
Why are desis so obsessed with marriage? Some desis anyway. Even my parents were! They would go on and on about school but at one point I got it in my head that I wanted to do a phD and be a hotshot academic and my parents were like no! marriage was never an openly discussed thing, it was just this role I was expected to fulfill after school. thankfully my parents are not like the ones I see in pakistan, who are so damn obsessed with marriage that they care about nothing else.
Why is that? what is this preoccoupation with marriage for women? where does it come from? at least it’s changing now, I don’t see this stuff in my family anymore and education is emphasized tons.
same with my sis, she is a doc and and she still wants to specialize, but all the family /friends of my folks go like: abhi tak shadi nahin howi? hai Allah abhi tak shadi nahin howi, hai Allah ab kya hoga
I really dont understand what s all the fuss is about
And like I think girls end up internalizing it too, the whole preoccupation with marriage and it being the proverbial greatest feather in the cap, like it's some great achievement to bag a husband. Even I'm guilty of it, a friend is 25 and I find it weird that at 25 she isn't married. And like other women pick up on it too! and like we were at some wedding and this other woman who got married in her late thirties, she's like snidely to my friend, "tumhari shadi nahi huwi?"
it was gross how the girls in the book internalized it. some girl married some guy who rubbed the dead skin from between his toes at some gathering. feather in the cap indeed.
blah, its all blame of the culture and I m sticking to that
whats also, that alot of guys AND parents want girls who are young and not studied, so she ll always be depending on her hubby and parents.
so she wont give her opinion on things, u know abit like a sheep.
so that may have to do with it aswell
We, desis, overlook the fact that there's a set time for everything in this world. It indeed is changing big time now. Girls are encouraged to persue a career of their choice. It's the culture that comes in our way. I have met parents who had their daughters get good education yet didn't let them practice their profession. Girls, themselves are to blame at one point in time or another. Where there's a will, there's a way.
thats not true Alot of girls would like to work, but because of pressure from several sides it s not possible for them to pursue their dreams. Yes they can go ahead with it, but there might be consequences aswell
Easy now. I would rather take the consequences when I’m single rather than when married. That again depends on how much of an understanding parents one has.
but the thing is, your not in pakistan. You have friends who can help you. In pakistan it s not that eay to face the consequences. Even friens will be on your back, only because almost everyone there thinks like this.
Well, Sarah quoted the story of a lady in NYC. So just putting in my personal opinion and not whether that happens in a specific country or not. Btw, paishgee mubarak bad to you and your sis
well the story is almost the same as in pakistan
I myself believe in it:
Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.
but for alot of desi girls it s often not an option. Western people have not a big problem with it
so it does have to do with the countries and the peeple that come from there
btw thanx in advance for the wishes you ll receive a proper invitation ofcourse
getting married young aint a bad thing neways.. yes desis do get bit carried away with the marraige stuff.. but so do italians, greeks, spanish, afghans.. etc
maybe its also to do with having kids.. having them earlier is prob better for u and ur kids
thats true, but with a proper education you will be more assured that u can provide good care for them . Besides that, u wont be need to depend on some one else
waise there was an age I think it was 35 after that it s not safe for women to have kids
education has nothing to do with bringing up kids..
i mean ok it does play a part in it, but do u really think being a specialised doc or not, being a phd or not.. is gonna make any difference to ur kids bringing up? all its gonna do is maybe rob the child of ur attention
education is good, its excellent.. but ur love and ur morals are more important
dp ...The ones settled in the west did too bring the values from the same pc of land. It's another fact that here being educated is a necessity whereas back in pak, it's considered more or less an enhanced feature in the shadi daftar biodata for an average girl.
sadzz... nothing wrong with getting married in an early age given the in-laws let you study after marriage or just be able to have a 'pehchan' of your own besides being married to so n so. Almost all my friends here are married and not a single one of them got to complete their degrees. Education does play a role in bringing up kids. The mother has to a harful mola sort of a figure in our culture as you know.
true,educationis impotant but if you check the stats first you ll find out the following:
most divorces happen in poor homes with often not well educated parents, where fighting happens often.
Why does it happen? yes because the folks have problems , be it financiall or be it cuz they were married to young.And both can be partially solved with education. I m not saying it will help all problems out of this world though
so dont bring up that it wont matter if parents are educated or not
morals are also made by education.
DK, woops.. i prob didnt make much sense.. im not saying that education isnt important.. all im saying is, it shouldnt be a "rukawat"
and its a pity ur friends didnt get to continue their studies.. all my friends who are married have continued to study once they got married and had kids..
abhi tak shadi nahin howi? hai Allah abhi tak shadi nahin howi, hai Allah ab kya hoga 
thats not true 
Alot of girls would like to work, but because of pressure from several sides it s not possible for them to pursue their dreams. 
good
hmmm