I’ve been thinking about this.. a lot of girls change their sir names after they are married.. however islamically the sir name doesn’t change.. We probably got this tradition from the west..
I want to keep my fathers name..however I have a strong feeling that my mother in law would like me to change it.. as we once had a discussion in which I said islamically like men.. our identity doesn’t change and we remain our dads children.. she said it looks nice to have the guys name after yours.. then I told her that a relative got married.. (I was on fb tryin to show her pictures and couldn’t find her) she said her sir name would be changed ,. try alternative search.
How do I politely decline this? I spoke to my fiancé and hes fine with me keeping my name.. but my relationship with my in laws is good.. do you think such little things can spoil it?
professionally, some people keep their maiden name but change their surname legally because all their credentials are in their maiden name...it saves them unnecessary effort in changing the name.
If your in laws want to be nit picky, it is up to them. It is completely within your rights to keep the name your parents gave you.
I changed my surname to my DH family name, not to his given first name. It is one of my biggest regrets, simply as I did not know any better at the time. My DH told me to legally change it back to my given surname, but now it's way to late, nor do I want the hassle. My sisters have retained their maiden names, as have all my bhabhis.
All of my female relatives in Pak have changed their last name to their husbands first name. ie, Sarah Farhan, Asma Junaid.
Your last name speaks of your lineage and your identity. In the Hereafter, we will be called by our fathers' name, not by the name of our husbands.
No right or wrong answer to this. I kept my maiden name legally and will never change it. At times people have referred to me as Mrs. "hubby's last name" and I just let it go. I don't really care if someone calls me by his last name. But all my legal documents, along with when I write my name is what's on my birth certificate. BUT I know plenty of women who have taken their husband's last name and are very happy with their decision. So at the end....do what YOU are comfortable with.
How do I politely decline this? I spoke to my fiancé and hes fine with me keeping my name.. but my relationship with my in laws is good.. do you think such little things can spoil it?
Well as of right now.....your MIL hasn't actually asked you to change it. She has shared her opinion about this....that's it. So this really isn't an "issue" right now. Your fiancé/future husband is fine with you not changing your name....and that's all that matters.
IF and when your MIL or anyone else from your husband's family actually asks you to change it directly.....politely tell them that you will discuss this with your husband. Then tell your husband privately that you would prefer that HE talk to his family. He can let them know that you two had a discussion and made a JOINT decision that you will not be changing your name at all and HE fully supports this decision and would appreciate his family supporting the decision you two made together.
I kept my fathers name , despite husband and his family creating issues about it. But the fact is that Islamically we are not allowed to change our surname which is our identity .. Its said clearly in a few hadith's , one of which I am sharing with you :
“Anyone who knowingly attributes themself to someone other than their father is guilty of disbelief. Whoever claims to belong to a people who have nothing to do with them (in blood linage), let them take their place in the fire.” (Bukhai)
I feel you must first read up on this issue as much as you can , so that you are sure that you can or cant have your name changed. Then have a chat with your fiancé giving him proper references so that he is aware where you are coming from and will be able to represent your perspective in a better way to his family. Ideally if you are following something that religion says , the family shouldnt mind it , but its totally upto you how much of a stand you wish to take.
what you can do is.....make your husband the scapegoat.....as in.....he should say that he wants you to keep your name.....his family won't remain pissed off at him for long.........but if u insist...could be lot of phadda..
I would want the same surname as my kids.. For that reason I didn't keep my old surname as it was..
In our family some girls keep their maiden names, some drop them and others go with double-barrelled.. There's no hard and fast rule with us and the girl herself usually decides..
Islamically you are NOT required to change your name...those who insist are ignorant people, indeed. here, in the west, it's OK to have different surnames in the family. i would NOT want or ask my wife to be to change her name...as a matter of fact i would encourage her to keep her maiden name and also i plan to give my wife's last name to all my children as their middle name or part of the hyphenated name.
a woman doesn't lose her identity with virginity after marriage...she has equal rights to her children as well.
I like his last name so I'm going to change mine. I'm not religious at all, but I would've totally used the religion card if I didn't want to change my last name. (You know, in case his last name was something like Butt).
It is completely up to you. If your maiden name is very important to you and/or if you feel religiously obligated to keep your last name, then don't care about your MIL's opinion. If she objects, politely remind her that islamically you shouldn't change your last name.
Yeh who's going to follow up and check ur passport? I didn't change my last name, never planned to. I thought it would be too much of a hassle since all my previous documents, certificates, health history etc would have a different name. And I like my last name, I think I couldn't really see myself with a different name. My devrani on the other hand changed her name (on fb) within minutes of her telephonic nikah. My husband teased me about that, k Hamari shadi Ko do saal ho Gaye Haen Aur aapsay naam nahi change hua and Wahan dekhain do minute Mae ho gaya. He knows its just a cultural custom and not required. And islamically recommended to keep ur own name. Anyway it was never an issue that was ever spoken about by anybody, I didn't know ppl make such a big deal out of it.
And op I think ur mil was just discussing it as a general thing, it doesn't seem like she'll make u do it. And the poster who posted a Hadith above about wrongfully attributing urself to another lineage, I think that means if u were willfully misleading other ppl to believe that u r indeed from the same lineage As ur husband then it would be a sin. However if as a general rule ppl know what family u belong to and u changed ur name only for legal purposes and to make some paperwork easier then it's not a sin. For example, when u adopt a child then for legal purposes and paperwork if the child gets ur family name then it's ok as long as ur general vicinity of ppl know that the child is not actually yours. but if u willfully trick others into believing that that is ur biological child then that is sinful. Atleast that's what I read up on this topic. Allah knows best.