Who's to blame?

[khattichic]

Re: Who’s to blame?

@blackforest_360

You are implying that someone who drinks and has pre marital sex is not a normal, productive and functioning person which is an unfair comment. That child just has different values of right and wrong than the rest of the family so to everyone else they are religiously in the wrong, doesn’t make them abnormal freaks who will bum off for the rest of their lives.

No, I am not implying anything…I was typing fast and chose the first word that came to mind to convey the message. Please don’t disect my comment to that degree. What I meant was that in this particular family that I have intimate knowledge of, 3 of the 4 children have not rebeled against the parents to the extent that the 4th child has. And the the child in question is the eldest sibling. This has nothing to do with religion. If this particular family was Christian, Jewish, Buddhist or Atheist, I’d be saying the exact same thing. Pre marital sex at the age of 14, doing hard drugs at 12, running away and hitching rides from complete strangers…pathologicaly lying…that is what I meant by “normal”. Did you miss the part where I said the child is academically brilliant? And that the parents have done everything they possibly know to help correct these behaviors and save their child from ruining her life, including moving out of the country so that she doesn’t wind up in the Juvenile system??? And when family threw in the towel and ridculed them, hurled gaalis and harsh words at them, and basically disowned them lest she “spoil” their children as well, they still stuck by her doing whatever they could to keep her from harming herself or others in the house. I have hardly implied that she will become a good for nothing bum just because she drank and had sex. Don’t put words in my mouth.

@yourfriend

ok…
but usually what happens is parents do not have same rules and structure for All kids… they have much more leniency, aggressiveness, compassion, higher expectations, favourtism etc. towards thier kids depending on their kids nature, age and gender. … if you are the part of big family then i m sure you know this already…
…

No two situations are alike. I’m not going to speak in generalizations or about anybody else’s business. All I know is that in this particular instance, of which I have first hand knowledge, there was not a different set of rules or double standard, or different behaviors towards any of the children. The two daughters and two sons were all treated 110% equally. This is a moderate, upper class family where the two parents are doing the best they know how to do. here is no forcing of religion. No abuse. No divorce. No out of the ordinary problems. It defies logic why one child is out of control (yes, i consider stealing, pathological lying, running away out of control. Does that make me judgemental?) My point in this whole thing it is possible for parents to to everything right, and still have children who are hellbent on going down a dangerous path.

@S_Punk

Children aren’t solely a product of what their parents teach them/raise them with. They’re exposed to a million different things everyday; TV, friends, Internet crap…there’s a lot to take in, especially for a growing kid. A huuuuuge part of what you are is bcos of our parents…but sometimes they can’t shield kids from everything. Parenting is tough - the job of instilling your kids with a strong sense of morals/values etc is difficult to say the least.

Thank you…this is exactly what I mean. Parents can do their best, but sometimes that is not enough. There are no black and white absolutes when it comes to child rearing, and not everything makes sense all of the time.