If a child gets out of hand? Meaning they drink, pre-marital sex, become an atheist/agnostic, or worse demonstrate anti-social or sociopathic behaviour?
Is it the parents fault and a flaw of their upbringing of the child - were they too strict or too lenient? Or is it the child’s own responsibility?
Re: Who's to blame?
parents
either they are too strict, too lenient or they simply dont have time for the kid.
Re: Who's to blame?
It can go either way. I know of some great parents whose kids turned out not so great, and vice versa as well. A lot of it also has to do with outside influence/friends. More importantly, I think some people are also just born with a stronger moral compass and have more compassion and decency than others.
Re: Who's to blame?
Parents sad truh
Re: Who's to blame?
If child is an adult then its child's fault. We cant blame all our faults on our parents.
Re: Who’s to blame?
So then the child has no individual accountability for their own actions - no sense of right or wrong? When Allah (swt) asks them on the Day of Judgement why they did what they did, they can blame their parents poor upbringing for their misdeeds?
Interesting 
Re: Who's to blame?
I dont know about the other stuff but can you really blame a parent for a child's sociopathic behavior? That has something to do with their frontal lobe. Goodness, cannot think of it right now.
Re: Who’s to blame?
what age group are you talking about btw? once they are adult, they have enough sense to fix any of their parents faults.
Re: Who's to blame?
what age group are you talking about btw? once they are adult, they have enough sense to fix any of their parents faults.
If they're drinking and having sex they're not a child anymore. So let's say 12+ through to adulthood. Old enough to know between right and wrong and able to make value decisions.
Re: Who's to blame?
its a hard question to answer. when i came to canada i was expecting that all the kids of my relative would be so "off" but to my surprise. they are so well behaved, towards islam and respect their parents. And i know that my brother-in-law hasn't be strict at all to them. he does maintain a "father" relation ship but most of the time he is like a friend to them
On the other hand, another family that i know and they have raised their kid in a same way as my brother in law but their kid is not even close to islam. he is in his puberty and not virgin ..
I believe parents are the key players regarding theri children's attitude but they aren't the only one :) a joint family system (2-3 families living nearby) .. + scholling and friends matter a lot
Re: Who's to blame?
If a child gets out of hand? Meaning they drink, pre-marital sex, become an atheist/agnostic, or worse demonstrate anti-social or sociopathic behaviour?
Is it the parents fault and a flaw of their upbringing of the child - were they too strict or too lenient? Or is it the child's own responsibility?
All of the above or one of the above or a combination.
Re: Who's to blame?
If a child gets out of hand? Meaning they drink, pre-marital sex, become an atheist/agnostic, or worse demonstrate anti-social or sociopathic behaviour?
Is it the parents fault and a flaw of their upbringing of the child - were they too strict or too lenient? Or is it the child's own responsibility?
It is a dangerous combination of nature and nurture, environment and requirement, education and training.
Parents have to fight on many fronts till the child is self aware, the burden then shifts to the kids when they reach certain age.
Re: Who’s to blame?
that is what I also said. Were you replying to me?
Re: Who's to blame?
that is what I also said. Were you replying to me?
I had a multi-quote fail. I was responding to D6C and UZ.
Re: Who's to blame?
I think there are some things parents can help and control but some not.
Re: Who's to blame?
Well how do you explain a family that has more than one child....let's say 4....all raised together, same parents, same rules, same structure...
3 are normal, productive & functioning... 1 has gone astray...drinking, drugs, pre marital sex, sneaking out, running away....you name it they are doing it....
Still parent's fault?
Re: Who’s to blame?
khatti, this is why I love you 
Great example to describe the scenario I was trying to set up :k:
Re: Who’s to blame?
Priceless argument. :k:
In Urdu they say wali k ghar main shaitaan aur shaitan k ghar main wali paida ho sakta hay.
Re: Who's to blame?
Well how do you explain a family that has more than one child....let's say 4....all raised together, same parents, same rules, same structure...
3 are normal, productive & functioning... 1 has gone astray...drinking, drugs, pre marital sex, sneaking out, running away....you name it they are doing it....
Still parent's fault?
No, it probably isn't the parents' fault.
But...I do think there's something else there that probably got overlooked with that child. Something that was missed and it got out of hand.
I have seen a little of what you're talking about (one family in particular). The parents didn't know the child had been molested by a family member as a teenager. Things kept getting worse and she had no outlet or anyone she could really turn to. Maybe that is an isolated case but I feel like there are other issues that need attention but don't get it.
Re: Who's to blame?
Well how do you explain a family that has more than one child....let's say 4....all raised together, same parents, same rules, same structure...
3 are normal, productive & functioning... 1 has gone astray...drinking, drugs, pre marital sex, sneaking out, running away....you name it they are doing it....
Still parent's fault?
Obviously you cannot say in any case of a child going astray that it was just the parent's fault or just the child's fault.
There is always one black sheep in a family, and it is a point to wonder about as to why that happens.
Why is it that that child continues on with that behavior and noone can control it? Is it because it cannot be controlled or noone is willing to control it? Is that one kid's bad behavior helping fulfill needs of other family members? For example, when parents are focused on that one child's bad behavior, the rest of the siblings can get away with a lot of other stuff that parents don't have the time to check up on. So the rest of the siblings could be enabling that person's behaviors. And I am not saying this in a conspiracy theory type of way. Also, focusing on that one child's bad behavior maybe helping the parents avoid dealing with their own problems. And again the bad kids behavior gets enabled.