Re: Who's the Bride???
After I saw my cousin's wedding, I decided I would need to chill. I just decided to concentrate on looking dazzling and being with my new husband, not on whether or not the appetizers were prepared correctly and the cake was distributed to the right people at the right time. It was more important to me to be relaxed, gorgeous, and surrounded by the people that I love.
So I got to pick where the wedding was, the dates, and the general style of the event and the general style of my clothes. I spoke up about the stuff that really mattered to me. The rest I left up to my parents, his parents, and other close relatives. It wasn't easy since I'm a type-A control freak. But I would relax and realize someone else was in charge of all this stuff, and learn to breath calmly.
I think it's fine to have decide important details, but you have to realize that life doesn't always go by your demands, so you need to prioritize. Make sure people follow through on the stuff that really matters to you, and let the rest of it go.
And yes, the bride is the one that gets all the attention, no matter what anyone else wears and how they look. So don't worry if someone wants to wear their wedding clothes to your event -- they will look nice and appropriate, but that doesn't mean you're sharing the focus with anyone other than your husband.