Who's the Bride???

[Muzna]

Okay…I said to myself that I wouldn’t bring this up again after Mrs. Shikra’s thread about what to wear to a western wedding…but then I went to the Bridal Pics thread and found the subject being discussed there as well. So I thought let’s just have it out…

@lublyjubly

SGC; I like to think it’s because at asian weddings, where there are millions of guest and loads of new brides wondering around with their red lenghas and jhoomars (trying to out do the brides), that a stage is required so you can find the bride and groom to give them blessings…and gifts!!!

at my wedding my so called intelligent sister -in- laws- to- be have all informed me that they are all wearing their wedding outfits, i don’t care if they are not wearing their dupatta on their heads, i’m still mega annoyed…i’m the bride!!!

@MehnazQ

That would annoy and upset me and probably send me into a screaming fit.

I’ve been to weddings where there were more than 3 “new” dhulans walking around in their bridal gear from head to toe. It’s the rudest thing ever. Do goray woman wear their wedding dresses to someone else’s wedding? It’s so rude when our girls do that …

You do need the bride’s permission. Even if it is a close family member. My sister would never do that to me, who the heck is anybody else to even try?

@Sheal

the thing is u all i think live in england , canada and america. the culture u r living is different and pakistani culture is different. in pakistan no one minds if someone else wear a wedding dress. its not a big deal its a usual thing for them. ap log angreezoon k tarz-e-zindgi k aadi ho chukay ho.

Okay…so based on my knowledge of culture and tradition I can confirm for you that it is considered perfectly okay to wear your own wedding or valima outfit to the wedding of your siblings or closest family members.

Most of the folks in the middle-class income category do not spend thousands of rupees on an outfit to pack it away in a nice window box from the dry-cleaners in hopes of having their daughter or grand-daughter do them the honor of selecting to alter it and wear it to her own wedding.

I guess we are a more practical bunch and feel that an outfit THAT expensive deserves another round or two. My wedding was taking place just before my eldest BIL’s and I purposely asked for a lehnga in a colour other than red so that I could wear it to the event and also wear it to other weddings without being accused of competing or taking the limelight from the bride. Yes, I planned and kept cost in mind. I’m proud of it.

I have now worn my wedding lehnga a total of four times in seven years (without repeating it in the same social circle, of course)…and yes, it is extremely extravagant when it comes to embroidery. In fact, I have now decided to alter the outfit so that I can wear it yet again! But 3 of the four times I have not worn the dupatta on my head and this has distinguished me from the bride. (Actually I have toned down on the jewellery each time too, so that has been another distinction.)

I also believe that no matter what her outfit…no matter what her jewellery…regardless of whether it is heavy or light, a dulhan is always the most beautiful woman in the room; she has a glow of happiness and innocence, the glitter of glamour…it comes from inside her and cannot be hidden. So nobody can compete…no matter what they do.

Ultimately what I am trying to say is that there is enough waste in this world with regards to money. Enough people go without clothing. How can we justify buying an outfit for thousands of dollars or rupees and then putting it away? I certainly cannot.

Furthermore, nothing pleases me more than to see someone that has gone full out to dress for an event that I am hosting. It shows me that they have made an effort and have honored me with the time that went into planning what to wear and getting ready.

So any of you coming to events that I am hosting…please DO wear your wedding outfits…AND the jewellery…go ahead, wear the teeka and the jhoomer…I’m sure you will look lovely and I will be delighted to see you all decked out!!!

Live a little folks…and make some room in your hearts.

[richie4u]

Re: Who's the Bride???

i think it's fine if somebody decides to wear their wedding dress on a close family member's wedding but the only thing that annoys me is when a sis-in-law or anyone else decides to wear the exact same dress as the dulhan...it really looks awkward and stupid no matter how u wear it...My sister's SIL had made the same dress as my sister's but in a different color....it just made the SIL look stupid....Anyways, i think dulhan's makeup n jewelry make her stand out from all other women in the hall!

[Mrs_Saieen]

Re: Who’s the Bride???

I posted almost the same thing in that therad. I agree with everything, and I’ve said the same thing that noone will be confused for the bride. My devar is getting married this summer, and I and my jethanis will be wearing at least one of our wedding outfits. I’ll be wearing all three, since there are five different occasions for the wedding. I’ve unofficially retired one lengha that I’ve worn 5 times in 18 months…maybe someday I’ll try to get my wedding lengha altered so that it’s easier to wear and manage. In reality, I’ve yet to c anyone really complain or throw a fit over someone wearing a wedding dress.

I recall you stated that some girls showed up to a wedding wearing the lengha duputta ON their head because htey’re “hijabis”… I still think that’s quite rude, if one wears hijab, wear a scarf just like you’d do for everyday. Several women at my wedding wore hijabs with their ghararas and shalwar kameezes, it’s no big deal. You’re also right that the bride will be sitting on stage and everyone will know hwo it is…however, that doesn’t give someone else the license to come dressed literally as a bride. And that means every single bit of jewelery, the duputta on the head and extra heavy makeup.

I know my post is a direct contradiction to my posts in Mrs Shikra’s thread, but that’s because she’s attending a western wedding. There is different wedding etiquette for gora weddings than there are for Pakistani weddings. I’ve never been to a gora wedding but from what I’ve seen in the media, as well as the bridal magazines (used to read em in HS), it’s considered quite rude to wear your own cultural dress at a gora wedding.

Now invite me to an event

[Khumar]

Re: Who's the Bride???

my cousin's best friend, who is like her sister, wore hers to her reception. sans the jhoomar and dupatta ofcourse. and it was cool. i mean, she hasn't had a chance to wear it ever again.

i myself wore my mother's walima gharara to my cousin's wedding. again, without the heavy jewellery. my bhabis wore their shaadi ka lehngas to their dewar's weddings. i thought it was cute. so all in all, it's ok to wear your own wedding lehnga to someone's wedding, if you are close to them. why not? it's better than having it lying around and have the kaam on it turn black.

see what a lot of people don't get is that weddings are a chance for everyone, including the bride to go all out. it's the only chance when you can wear heavy jewellery and heavy clothes and not look like a dork. and no one can take the spotlight away from the bride (hence the stage and extravagant pieces of jewellery). it's not being selfish, it's just sharing the happiness of such a big day.

now it will be rude if the guest has the dupatta on her head too.

[danial]

Re: Who’s the Bride???

I’m not experienced in this but isn’t it like taking the brides day away from her,

i mean you’ve been a bride now let the bride of the day have her fun.

i can say mean stuff but i don’t wanna get beaten up :halo:

[Mrs.Shikra]

Re: Who's the Bride???

i think you are so rite...my brother-in-law and my brother both are no where near to getting married but im dreaming to wear my lehngas on their shaadis....i mean i wore green on my walima so i cant wait to wear it on one of their mehndia...and the barat one was maroon and mijanda....not sure abt tht....maybe...if it still fits me after 2-3 years....hahahaha

[Mrs.Shikra]

Re: Who’s the Bride???

Mrs Saieen thts a cool nick

p.s..

[teelobhain]

Re: Who's the Bride???

My khala wore her wedding out fit at her jeths wedding - i dont think there is anything wrong in doing so..where will the wedding out fit go? what will it do at home only worn once - obviously only an stupid person would dress up exactly like she did on her wedding the dupatta setting can be different and i dont think anyone will get condused by who the bride is and who is not...

[somegroovychick]

Re: Who's the Bride???

well like sara said, i think the original convo was about going to a white wedding and whether or not to wear something traditionally pakistani to one. otherwise, i agree with everyone- wear your wedding outfit again if the occasion arises. just make sure not to wear the dupatta on your head! :p

[Mehnaz]

Re: Who's the Bride???

Okay....so based on my knowledge of culture and tradition I can confirm for you that it is considered perfectly okay to wear your own wedding or valima outfit to the wedding of your siblings or closest family members. .

First of all, I was talking about wearing a traditional red shaadi jora on someone else's shaadi day, knowing full well they will mostlikely also be wearing red.

If someone really feels the need to do that, the courteous and decent thing to do would be 1. a siblings or a relative, not just some random friend; and 2. there is also no harm at all in getting their permission.

I'm sorry, but it's gonna be my day, and if some people who I'm not even close to decide that they are gonna get decked out from head to toe in the same/similar clothes, jhumar and dupatta in full swing, I will get upset. It's one thing if the outfit is a red shaadi jora, it's another issue altogether if it is a completely different colour and style. If I'm wearing a red sharara, why does someone else hvae to wear the same thing? If I'm wearing white, why does someone else have to go out and get the same thing? There are a million colours and styles out there ....

Like Danial said, it's the bride's day and you taking away the spotlight from her. I have a friend whose saas insisted that she wear her bridal outfit to someone else's wedding and the girl refused cause she didn't want to take away from the bride. That's exactly how I think and feel. If I'm going to someone else's wedding, I'm not gonna wear my shaadi jora on the wedding day.

If I really want to wear it, I would wear it on the walima or wear it on the mendhi and definitely tone down the jewellery, and I would only do that if my relative was OK with it. Our shaadis go on for days. I don't see the need at all to wear a red shaadi outfit on someone else's shaadi day. To me, that is beyond rude. If that is how it is done in Pakistan, so be it. I think it's very rude to do that here to someone else's wedding. Call this my "gora" mentality. :p

For my sister's wedding, even though I was the only sister and everybody expected me to be the "choti dhulan", I felt physically sick a few days after getting my lengha cause I felt like the outfit was too heavy and I didn't want to upstage her in any way or form. It's only after we took both outfits out, compared them and she gave me her sincere "o.k" that I went ahead and wore it. I felt guilty though. You know what i mean?

Anyway, you only get married once and you only really should get dressed like a bride once only, at your own wedding. Tone it down at someone else's shaadi. :p :p

[Mrs_Saieen]

Re: Who’s the Bride???

@Mrs.Shikra

i think you are so rite…my brother-in-law and my brother both are no where near to getting married but im dreaming to wear my lehngas on their shaadis…i mean i wore green on my walima so i cant wait to wear it on one of their mehndia…and the barat one was maroon and mijanda…not sure abt tht…maybe…if it still fits me after 2-3 years…hahahaha

its magenta, not mijanda
PS: thanks,

[danial]

Re: Who’s the Bride???

Mehnaz you Gori,

[Mrs_Saieen]

Re: Who’s the Bride???

@MehnazQ

If I really want to wear it, I would wear it on the walima or wear it on the mendhi and definitely tone down the jewellery, and I would only do that if my relative was OK with it. Our shaadis go on for days. I don’t see the need at all to wear a red shaadi outfit on someone else’s shaadi day. To me, that is beyond rude. If that is how it is done in Pakistan, so be it. I think it’s very rude to do that here to someone else’s wedding. Call this my “gora” mentality.

For my sister’s wedding, even though I was the only sister and everybody expected me to be the “choti dhulan”, I felt physically sick a few days after getting my lengha cause I felt like the outfit was too heavy and I didn’t want to upstage her in any way or form. It’s only after we took both outfits out, compared them and she gave me her sincere “o.k” that I went ahead and wore it. I felt guilty though. You know what i mean?

Well, if shes not wearing red dress then why not wear ur own red dress It was funny how all of the women from his side (xcept his mom) showed up in red…they didn’t even plan it, they knew I wasnt’ wearing red though, so they wore it on their own ..

And your dress was not heavy at all, at least from what I saw…

[Amani06]

Re: Who's the Bride???

I wore my wedding outfits for a very close friends wedding. I dont have any sisters and neither does she and we r like sisters. I wasnt too sure but her mum kept telling me to and she said it wud look fab. I wore my valima outfit-which was green-on the mehndi, my cream/ivory sari that i wore on my own registry at the nikaah as she had worn maroon and at her valima i wore my red outfit cos she wore a totally different colour-i think it was burnt orange with navy(i think). Anyway we r like sisters and she was totally ok with it but i totally toned down the jewellery and i know i certainly didnt take the attention off her. But i only did it at her wedding cos we r so close.

[ShiNoO]

Re: Who's the Bride???

I think it's prefectly ok to wear your bridal lehnga (not with the dupatta on your head) on your siblings wedding. And with siblings I actually mean your brothers wedding. I don't think I would feel ok to wear it to my sisters weddingday. Even if I knew that she was ok with it.
To a friends wedding I would say it's a nono! Exept if you maybe toned down your jewelry/make up or change the heavy dupatta to a lighter one.

[Sheal]

Re: Who's the Bride???

i think it's fine if somebody decides to wear their wedding dress on a close family member's wedding but the only thing that annoys me is when a sis-in-law or anyone else decides to wear the exact same dress as the dulhan...it really looks awkward and stupid no matter how u wear it...My sister's SIL had made the same dress as my sister's but in a different color....it just made the SIL look stupid....Anyways, i think dulhan's makeup n jewelry make her stand out from all other women in the hall!

yeah it looks stupid to wear same dress like dulhan wears. the best days to wear ur weeding out fit is mehndi function or walima. dont wear bridal dresses on barat.
the thing that annoys is what ur sister's sister in law did. wear heavy dresses or whatever u want to wear but not same like the dulhan dress. but in pakistan peoples are not like that especially susrali people. they do these kinds of things whith their bahoo to tease her. the reason behind that is they dont want the people or relatives to pass good comments on their bahoo. ( wo bahoo ki tareef bardasht nahi ker saktay :P)

[lublyjubly]

Re: Who's the Bride???

fine call me a gori, i don't care... maybe i am coming from the mentality that as women don't wear white to english weddings pakis shouldn't wear red wedding outfits if the bride is wearing red wedding outfit.

I am wearing red on my wedding day (to keep MIL happy) but my sister in laws and his close female relations are wearing red too...THAT is wrong!! there will be a sea of red on the stage.. it'll be like a blood bath....

Do it pakistan if you have to, where people get it, but in the west many of your guests are going to be like ' who the hell does she think she is?' ( i know, i've heard it and said it!!)

It is not ok for people to wear red on the same day as the bride, with all the gold! i know a lot of money is spent on clothes and things but wear in on a valima or mehndi... even then only if it's your sibling!

Do see white weddings full of women in their poofy white dresses>?!?! !!? !? they spend a lot of money on thier dresses too!

Before everyone starts screaming at me for being a gori, being born and brought up in a country away from Pakistan will inevitable mean you will adopt some elements of that culture too, both good and bad! like i said before there are good and bad elements of the pakistani culture as well as the western.

it's common courtesy not to wear your red wedding outfit on the same day as the bride is wearing hers... this is my opinion only!!!!!

[amelie]

Re: Who's the Bride???

Go Muzna!

I totally agree unfortnuatly have not been at enough big weddings myself to do so...the weddings i did got to the bride wasn't wearing bright colors so i wore one of my Walima out fits ( i had 2)- very dressy but not so heavy and it was great...have worn it 2x.

[Amani06]

Re: Who's the Bride???

I agree with lublyjubly.....u dont need to b wearing red on the wedding day if the dulhan is wearing red. Its just plain wierd. Mix it up thats fine, wear them on different days but clashing with the bride is neva a classy look.

[Mrs.Shikra]

Re: Who’s the Bride???

@Mrs_Saieen

its magenta, not mijanda
PS: thanks,

thanks for correcting it Mrs. Saieen…aap mahaan ho