So my friend recently got engaged to this guy she was crazily in love wiith for like 4 years. So as happy as she is about her being with her boyfriend, she always tells me about how things started to change with him. As crazy as she was about him before engagement, he became more possesive about her after the engagement. He told her not to hang out with her best friend due to her friend’s preference in boys.He basically emotionally blackmails her in my opinion. He tells her I am not ordering you but if you want to do that than tell my mom ur no interested in this rishta and back out. ???He likes to control where she goes and who she’s friends with. I was expecting her on my bro’s wedding but he didnt allow her to come here either, cause of another girl he didnt like that was also a guest at the wedding. I think that dude is a lil crazy n the head. But is this a normal behaviour of a man? I wonder what will happen to her once theyre married. he’ll probably look her up or something(Allah n karay)
So what do you guys suggest she should do now? Her in-laws are pretty lad back and sweet as of what she describes.
Re: who would you pick?
Dump him and move on. That guy is not right in the head.
It amazes me how men hide these weird habits while dating....
Re: who would you pick?
Or it could be the women do not see with the notion that he will change.
So my friend recently got engaged to this guy she was crazily in love wiith for like 4 years. So as happy as she is about her being with her boyfriend, she always tells me about how things started to change with him. As crazy as she was about him before engagement, he became more possesive about her after the engagement. He told her not to hang out with her best friend due to her friend's preference in boys.He basically emotionally blackmails her in my opinion. He tells her I am not ordering you but if you want to do that than tell my mom ur no interested in this rishta and back out. ???He likes to control where she goes and who she's friends with. I was expecting her on my bro's wedding but he didnt allow her to come here either, cause of another girl he didnt like that was also a guest at the wedding. I think that dude is a lil crazy n the head. But is this a normal behaviour of a man? I wonder what will happen to her once theyre married. he'll probably look her up or something(Allah n karay) So what do you guys suggest she should do now? Her in-laws are pretty lad back and sweet as of what she describes.
She should get used to it. Most men are quite possessive when it comes to their wives. However generally they dont really interfere with female friends. Whats his reasons of not liking the girls.
Re: who would you pick?
So what even if they predict changes in advance, dil to bacha hai jee!
She should get used to it. Most men are quite possessive when it comes to their wives. However generally they dont really interfere with female friends. Whats his reasons of not liking the girls.
Maybe coz he feels endangered by their presence or perhaps he wants to isolate his fiance' so that she has no support system in times of distress ?
He tells her I am not ordering you but if you want to do that than tell my mom ur no interested in this rishta and back out. ???
So what do you guys suggest she should do now? Her in-laws are pretty lad back and sweet as of what she describes.
^Yup, that's emotional blackmail....where he gives her the "option" to do whatever she wants...but it comes with a heavy price. Right now, he's emotionally blackmailing her with ending the rishta..........tomorrow he could use divorce threats as part of his emotional blackmailing.
Today, he's preventing her from attending parties because some girl or the other that he dislikes might be there. Tomorrow he may prevent her from seeing her own family.
The in-laws may be very sweet, but it's him that she'll be married to and will deal with on a closer level. I think your friend should surprise the guy by actually acting on his emotional blackmail and ending this rishta. She should move on with her life as opposed to making excuses for him and hoping that she'll be able to change him. He's got major control/insecurity issues....and sounds creepy.
Re: who would you pick?
Personally, I wouldnt like someone controlling me and wouldnt want to control someone to have his/her life of their own, with his/her mind of their own. So I'd side with the most people who suggested a seperation.
I would tell the person once that if she loves me, than she gotta let me have my life as I have no intention to do the same with her.
If she still doesnt listen to me. Than I guess, its not working out at all, and being with her is going to be my waste of time.
Dump him
Thats RV 
So my friend recently got engaged to this guy she was crazily in love wiith for like 4 years. So as happy as she is about her being with her boyfriend, she always tells me about how things started to change with him. As crazy as she was about him before engagement, he became more possesive about her after the engagement. He told her not to hang out with her best friend due to her friend's preference in boys.He basically emotionally blackmails her in my opinion. He tells her I am not ordering you but if you want to do that than tell my mom ur no interested in this rishta and back out. ???He likes to control where she goes and who she's friends with. I was expecting her on my bro's wedding but he didnt allow her to come here either, cause of another girl he didnt like that was also a guest at the wedding. I think that dude is a lil crazy n the head. But is this a normal behaviour of a man? I wonder what will happen to her once theyre married. he'll probably look her up or something(Allah n karay) So what do you guys suggest she should do now? Her in-laws are pretty lad back and sweet as of what she describes.
A very common dilemma majority of pakistani urban middle class men face.
Before marriage, they present themselves as the champions of western civilization and women rights.
After marriage, conservatism aur owmen ka pardah yaad a jata hai.
Lukh laanat aisay tamam larko par.
Re: who would you pick?
Break it up.
unless he thinks oh she will never break it off and so he can say whatever he wants and she will do it.
she should atleast call his bluff. and say to him why should i tell my mum to call it off, you call it off, you tell your mum......usually when they say oh tell your mum thenmeans they are bluffing.
exactly… 
Re: who would you pick?
^ Its also amazing how foolish and trusting some girls like to be.
Tell her to RUNNNNNNN for her lifee!!!
Or if he can be sensible, talk to him. Though, with that behaviour, I find it hard to believe that talking would work.
Re: who would you pick?
God. Looking at things from another perspective, why do ladies so often come here complaining about deficiencies in thier husbnads.
I dont think its ethically or islamically wrong for a spouses to be respectful of each others wishes. Its wise to clarify the boundaries before getting into a relationship.
The O.P has already mentioned the subject girl has got preferances for other guys.
So it could be a wise step for the guy to want her to detach from such influences that can exasrabate the tendencies.
Obviously its abnormal if its excessive and not with just certain friends.
Re: who would you pick?
it amazing me how everyone advises to break it up without actually a single advice tellin the girl to resolve this issue somehow ... 'now i kno and fully understand that somethings don't change but you don't end a rishta just because he is a little posessive or something ... i'm sure no ones gonna dump their dad or brother if they were like that but for husband everyone has these sky high expectations and then guys are called shallow if they ask for something that might be a lil out there.
Coming back to the topic, don't end it just yet. If the guy is nice and really likes the girl then talk to him and make him understand that this way he is hurting the girl and damaging the relationship. she doesn't feel like herself and doesn't feel like this is the guy who she fell in love with and the guy she wanted to marry. Obviously, both of them are going to have to give a little to make it work. She might have to cut down on hanging out with some guys friends and he might have to cut down a bit on being paranoid about her hanging out with just girls.
Yea i dont think she should break it off that easy, agreeing with libran. I mean what about the four years they were together for? The reason why he doesnt like her best friend is cause that girl is not into desi guys. Its not like she goes on dates or anything but her preference in guys is like white or black or i dont know i guess something not desi. I guess the he is a lil typical, and the girl's life is surrounded by her best friend. I recall seeing her and her besties together all the time in college and like wherever i ran into one of em the other would be there. The thing is he always tells her that "OH SHES MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME?".
eh desi men i tell ya...........
Yea i dont think she should break it off that easy, agreeing with libran. I mean what about the four years they were together for? The reason why he doesnt like her best friend is cause that girl is not into desi guys. **Its not like she goes on dates or anything but her preference in guys is like white or black or i dont know i guess something not desi. I guess the he is a lil typical, and the girl's life is surrounded by her best friend.** I recall seeing her and her besties together all the time in college and like wherever i ran into one of em the other would be there. *The thing is he always tells her that "OH SHES MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME?". * eh desi men i tell ya...........
Just because her friend is into non-desi men......doesn't mean that the girl in question will also have the same preference. Why doesn't the guy think, "Well, she picked me...I'm desi...so why should I even be bothered?"
Or is he afraid that associating with this girl will hurt his reputation somehow? He needs to understand that a friend and fiance/husband are 2 completely different relationships....and can't be compared. That said...it's also important that one maintain a balance in their relationships.....and not give excessive time one whilst completely ignoring the other.
"Oh she's more important than me?"......."If you go to the party, you can call my mom and back out of the rishta."..............each time he's posing questions that put her in a situation where SHE's cornered and has to make a choice....that comes with an unreasonable price. This guy is PATHETIC. His neediness...insecurity...control-freak behavior...is very off-putting. As a mere reader, he annoys me and I don't even know him....I wonder how the girl feels. She needs to move on.