please i need an advice from married ladies ..as the topic says my MIL is always very keen in seating on front seat which i dont mind at first,but now its becoming an habit like when will my turn come to sit with my husband cause she is always with us .even if we are going out to get a small medicine:smack: she sits with her husband(my FIL)too ..thats ok.i know we should respect our elders ,but tell me WHEN will my time comes ,with my son??YEAH them MY DIL will be opening a thread regarding that here:)
today i sat on front seat cause she was late ,she simply came ,opened the door and told me GET OUT:eek: i was soo embaressed LIKE helloooo …dont i have any right???anyways tell me what should i do?as this thing SABAR is finished in me .ladies who are living in joint family system where do u sit???for some people its not a big issue ,but i dont know i have a heart that likes to sit with my hubby:naraz:
if we are going out to see a movie ,the whole family goes MY SIL ,BIL MIL.and dinners ,you meant bdays and anniversary dinners ,well MIL orders are to cook them at home ,infact she cooks at that day,isnt that nice so that we cant go out.
my husband says she is my mom i cant say anything to her ,its better to say quite yaar.
i dont mind hanging out with them,cause now i am used to it.the thing is i am not getting used to the idea of her sitting on front seat with her son and plus with her husband.she should give a chance to me:aj:
I absolutely agree with u. She needs to understand dat u are her SON'S wife...and u have all the right to sit in the front seat. I also live with a joint family. i barely happen to go out w/ my fil & mil...but if i ever do....in the beginning i use to ask my FIL to sit in the front seat just out of courtesy...sometimes he would sit but mostly i sit in the front. But if it’s only my MIL…only I sit in the seat.
You have to talk to ur husband abt this and let him know dat u don't like being treated like dat....I don’t understand how mothers like dat even let their sons get married. If you husband doesn't say anything to ur MIL, then u can just be like to ur MIL "Did ur MIL did the same thing dat ur doing to me" say it as a joke...so she can't get mad abt it and still gets the point....hope dat helps
nazoo..honey..ru really literally talking aobut sitting in the fornt seat?...i cant believe ur complaining aoubt this..who cares?..u should complain about something bigger..i just dont get this..
Wow, she has some serious issues. She needs to realize that you and your husband are supposed to be clothes for eachother. Your needs to be with him trump hers.
If she's any bit religious, I'd say bring Islam into the picture. Make her realize that you should be the most important person in his life.
I couldn't live in a joint family structure. Ever.
Like seriously geez grow up .. what kinda complain is this? :o and I seriously doubt your MIL is coming along EVERY single time you and hubby goes out ... and when she is, yes its out of respect you let her sit infront .. what kinda community do you live in? Desi? .. Pakistan? .. Well you should know elders always sit infront !! geez woman ..
"if we are going out to see a movie ,the whole family goes MY SIL ,BIL MIL.and dinners ,you meant bdays and anniversary dinners ,well MIL orders are to cook them at home ,infact she cooks at that day,isnt that nice so that we cant go out."
Maybe its a tradition at their home? Learn to live with it. Wow cant comprehend that you are complaining cuz ur MIL choose to celebrate at home instead of going out .. Why dont you tell your hubby you wanna go just the two of you instead of dragging them all along? I bet they arent becoming kebab mein hadi out of choice, but obviously if you ask them, they wont refuse.
if my hubby is driving car n my MIL with us we both sat at back or atleast she sits at front seat. my MIL sit at back due to some medical reasons. but if she sits at back then i also sit with her n my hubby alone at frnt. but if someone else like my BIL is with us then i sit at front seat.
if she was late or whatever just simply ask ur hubby…
if he says at back then sit there if he says at front n MIL i s with u, then he will love u even more that how much u respect his mother…
zindagi ka kiya pata lakin koi b dekhy ga to waqai kahy ga k bohat respect kerny wali bahoo hy…
aur front seat ka kiya hy…dont think abt it.
abi sabar kerlo baad mey akely he jana hy.
The best advice I can give you is that you have to go with the family values or family culture when you live in a joint family. You have to find out if it's happening to you only or if that is what their family is used to. I mean you have to look around and see do her daughters sit at the back or the front when they're with their MILs or even other family members that are married. If the tradition is that the MIL gets to sit at the front then that's what you got to to, making changes in family traditions won't do you any good. But if this is happening to you only then you gotta do something about it but deal with it in a way that you don't offend anyone. Because really, it's not a big deal. Letting her sit at the front would show a lot about you in a good way, that how much respect you have for her.
BUT if once in a while you wanted to sit at the front and she told you to get out that would be wrong as well. That was not very nice of her.
your hubby cant do anything. hardly any man can. they are all whipped by the mother, learn to accept that you are only a second class citizen of the house.
armali comeon don’t make her feel bad…Giving respect to elders will never make you a second class citizen of the house. She has all the rights on her husband. I’m sorry but that kind of advice can make their relationship even worse…
I agree with the part where you said the husband won’t do anything that’s not because they’re whipped by the mother that’s because he loves them both the same so it’s never a good idea to get him involved in these matters…no?
and Nazoo if you recently got married give it sometime because it does take some time to win the hearts of your in-laws. And once you have their hearts trust me things will get better
not yet…engaged :)… I know you’re gonna say just wait until you’re married blah blah blah even my sisters say that But my simple argument is tht sometimes it’s not so bad to lower your needs and wants if that could make ur relationship better with your in-laws…thats all!
well..thats what YOU think..the people who you will be living with, are most likely NOT thinking that. They will think of you as an outsider, you have to PROVE to them that you are not, by BECOMING a 2nd class citizen, by being patient,accepting all and everything that is being thrown at you...only then you can be part of their home..even then its not a guarantee :)
good luck!!
you gotta keep your sugar and salt balanced..if you know what i mean.
dont become a door-mat,because it will be hard for you to gain your place after you have stooped really low.
dont be bitter, then you will look like a snob
have certain ground rules..and go by them, but at the same time observe their rules, and try to incorporate them into your own...that way you will not be alienated.
stay pleasant, but not overly excited,get to know everyone in the house,including the kaam walas.
establish trust and a position in the family, they should know that you are the bahoo, and not a nobody...if you stay quiet and are not participating they will not take you seriously...
spend time with your hubby, get to know him using any chance you get..and let HIM get to know you, be it in a subtle way, or out loud :)
comeon don’t make her feel bad…Giving respect to elders will never make you a second class citizen of the house. She has all the rights on her husband. I’m sorry but that kind of advice can make their relationship even worse…