who to trust

Lifestyle Relationships
1

hey guppies after really thinking hard i am so confused that i have to just let it out here well me n hubby had a luv marriage and i always knew he was a busy guy be4 marriage and i was fine with that.plus the tyme he shud hav spend with me after work he used to spend with friends and i neva complained as n i neva made him feel as if its a prb.now we got married and things are fine but still the not giving me time thing is dere i neva complain to him but have started feeling it which makes me so upset at tymes but i just dun share it wid him.as i am scared ov him getting upset or sumthing.recently i talked to him about all wht i feel he nicely explained me and i was fine things were really good but now after 3 months its all back to normal.i mean i feel he duz luv me a lot and everything but i dun knw whts wrong i feel very weird with this issue.please advice me

2

How much time are you asking for? How much does he actually give?

3

Re: who to trust

I guess, you need a hobby. No wait, u need a whole deposit of hobbies. Seriously. And yes, offspring might also help a great deal. U've got kids?

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4

Re: who to trust

the first thing to a good and happy marriage is open honest communication. i understand that you've already talked to him? maybe this time approach him again maybe with a little more urgency than the last time and really let him know that you feel lonely and sad when he spends so much time outside away from you..........also, plz do realize that its ok for him (and you as well!!) to have friends outside of the marriage. socializing is a very healthy thing for u both. its good to have some time apart sometimes. heres a suggestion though....do his friends have wives? maybe tell your hubby that instead of going out one day, maybe he could invite over his friends and their wives. that way he'll still be in the house with you along with many more ppl. who knows, maybe you'll make some nice friends too.....:hugz:

5

i guess it does depend on how much time your asking for?
also on wot the circumstances are...eg. do you work? i guess if i were mostly at home and then found my husband going out with friends more than he was spending time with me it would pee me off a lil! lol
if he is giving them more time than you then bring it to his attention. maybe he doesnt think this bothers you so much!?!?
but you guys are in it for the long haul so you cant worry about upsetting him!!!...its obviously upsetting you so thats gotta count surely?!

6

hey thanks its like he wakes up we talk for a while n leaves for work comes home and then gym n friends n so on so we hardly actually sit n talk my prb is that i have always given inn and neva asked for...he says i am such a perfect wife i neva question him but little duz he knw i feel bad inside but i neva make him feel that coz i luv my hubby too much yes we do have a baby boy and his friends are like they arnt married yet like his 4 best buddies i feel they dont realise that he is married now and shud let him be....its like i have a outlet for clothes and i also deal in bridal jewlery but my whole life is just him if i wear sumthing i keep in mind whts his fav if i buy anything all i think is not bout wether its nice or not but is gona see it n like it i hope u guys get the picture of how much i am into him...my friends say let him be he is taking u for granted n bla bla one ov the girls even said he is having n affair but im sure nothing like dis...like an eg we went to london coz he had sum work and he asked me to go with him to uk coz he wanted to spend sumtyme wid me there he said im a lucky guy to have u in my life coz all u care about is me and my family n thank u for being so understanding n bla bla tom after the work i will go shopping wid u..so will meet u at one straight after the meeting well ladies i was ready waiting for him to ring but no sign ov hubby i didnt call coz i didnt wana disturb him he called me at 5 and widout saying anything i went wid him i felt so bad i cried so much but didnt make him feel anything i thought i wud stay quite n he will realise but now its getting to me

7

Re: who to trust

Something's gotta give.
Can u take a break and stay with ur parents for like a couple of weeks or so? It might help, but only when ... when u are back u start asking questions and stop keeping it within. But, don't have to errupt like a mountain of lava everytime u ask somehting... you just have to be a bit clever at it.
Well... the more you keep it to yourself, the more you are increasing on your mental fatigue...it might get a troll on ur child as well. I hope it doesn't and everything's gonna be allright.

8

Re: who to trust

thanks cold_fire and all guppies i will try doing dis its just that i myself am getting worse day by day like i cant sleep i cant eat im always worried n tensed always trying to be perfect...i will try all wht u guys advised me means a lot guppies thanks

9

Re: who to trust

hmm..u need to communicate wd him..see if u dun tell him how u feel..it may get mre complicated n he may neva realise it on his own..? nd its not tht he will get upset or smethin..if hez mature enuff..he will understnd..n may giv u bit mre time thn he usually does...

10

Pleasure Ma'am. Bless ya.. and go get 'em :)

11

Re: who to trust

Write him a letter telling him how you feel, but don't give it to him. Read that letter again the next day to make sure you have written your feelings correctly. If its ok, then give him that letter at some quiet time, say in the morning b4 he goes to work, and ask him to read it at lunch time when he is alone. Tell him you don't want a response to the letter just yet, give him time to think about it.

Then see if he understands.

12

Re: who to trust

You know in relationships there has to be an equal amount of give and take.

You are doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking and one day you are going to break, you want to sort things out before that happens.

Why didnt you say something, even in a jokey way, about him making you wait until 5! I dont think that its fair at all, he needs to grow up and realise he is married, it doesnt mean leaving his friends and it doesnt mean him spending all his tme with you.

Dont be scared of losing him, just because you share your wants and needs doesnt mean you will push him away, open up to him he is your husband.

Do you have any interests you share? why not go gym with him?

13

Introduce his friends to eligible girls - get them married and busy in their lives and they won't take up quite so much of your hubby's time. While, it's not wrong for him to spend time with his friends - each partner in the marriage should have interests outside of the marriage. What is wrong is if he doesn't take into consideration your feelings and takes you for granted. If he's committed to spending time with you - and he cancels - it shows a lack of consideration.

A suggestion - plan a weekly date night and let his friends know that this is your time together - no interruptions, no excuses. And let your husband know that he shouldn't make alternate plans for this set time and that it would mean a lot to you for him to dedicate this time solely to you.

14

Re: who to trust

Mehrozz.. first of all please trust, do not doubt on him, make things or issues clear with him, otherwise it would be a big problem in long run..

15

Re: who to trust

Ow. My head. Honey firstly please type in english. Not whatever you just typed in.

Secondly have a chat with and say you and your son need his time. Come up with a suitable solution. A few days with the friends and a few day at home.

16

thanks everyone i am gona speak to him tonite as we are going for dinner and den he is catching a flight to uk...wish me luck i so want things to be normal.thanks for ur sugesstions:)

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17

Good luck. Be confident, make eye-contact when you're talking to him and smile!

18

Re: who to trust

this "friends" bakwas is so ridiculous.

19

why be so nice. i mean don't fight or anything but thora bahaut shikwa kernay main kia haraj hai? like "itni dair ker de kub se wait ker rehi thee ya sending phone/txt reminders.

i'll say start ruining his routine in a way he doesn't realize. bring up a plan at a time u know he might go to gym or at friends. go to gym with him. make sudden movie/hotel programmes. drop by his office sometimes to pick him up and call from outside "idher se guzer rehi thee tu socha...." hope u get some idea

20

Re: who to trust

From now onwards NEVER complain to him that he doesn't give you time, if he spends most of his time in work. By now you know his likes and dislikes and how his psychology works. Wear the clothes he likes, prepare the meals he likes, discuss the stuff he likes (without talking too much), decorate the house the way he like...etc. It is better that his heart is attracted to you than him forcing himself to give you time. By complaining you are not making yourself attractive to him, but with an interesting personality he would come running after you, just like it was the case before marriage. In that case it would be like you are busy and he would complain that you don't give him enough time. Create challenges for yourself and start working on them.