I think such mindset stems from the whole indian cultural concept of Rukhsati - which has connotations of girl supposedly saying good bye to any of her obligations towards her parents. So lets all thank the indian culture here for engraving this mindset.
Just like a guys parents are his responsiblity; the girls parents are girls responsibility. My experience has been most desi families are understanding and will welcome girl's parents when needed. Since reality isnt depicted here often to encourage male bashing by juvinelle teenage girls high on estrogen - I ask myself. Why do we even bother?
I did not wanted to mention this but thats what we ended up doing. Gave a big gold set for my BIL's wife to take that off her list but main point was that there are mom with this mentality to ...who just flatly deny to accept any support from "daamad"
good for you...
.... its the **way **u offer your help/ support
like i said u wont mention the word loan to your mom, so if your MIL is like your mother, then y loan to begin with?
Every child is responsible for taking care of their parents especially in old age. There is no difference between a daughter and son. They both have equal responsibilities towards their parents. This discrimination has infiltrated our culture from Hindu customs and sadly continues till this day.
I have an older brother but I have every intention of having my parents stay with me when they are old if not all the time, at least most of the time and my fiance fully supports me. My brother will also take care of them but I feel a daughter can take care of her parents better coz daughters are just more caring and have a nurturing nature whereas sons are usually busy with their careers and might not have time to take their parents to doctor appointments etc. In such cases, if the daughter in law does not want to take on that responsibility for various reasons (she has her own parents to take care of, she has a full fledged career, she has kids), it's best that the parents stay with the daughter.
when my grandmom (my nani) was sick my dad did not only allowed my mother to take care of her mum as she pleases but also took active part in taking her to hospital etc. My mom did the same when my dadi was sick. I have never seen any men in my family stopping or not supporting his wife when it comes to her parents. They support their wives both emotionally and financially. Allah has assigned responsibilities of parents to children and not only to son . It's the responsibility of both sons and daughter to take good care of parents.
So what if the husband and wife live with the husband's parents, and the wife's parents get old and need care? If she is an only child, and they have nowhere else to go, would it happen that her parents would move in as well, making both sets of parents in the same home?
And is there a differentiation between the bride going to live with her husband and in-laws, vs the husband and wife buying their own place and his parents moving in with THEM? Like in terms of ownership of the household?
as a guy, I'd have no problem taking care of her parents. I figure it will be the least I could do for them as a ghar damaad and for letting me mooch off them for what will Inshallah be a very long time. ameen sum ameen....
now it should go without saying that my love and care will be directly proportional to how loaded the inlaws will be. thank God for rich people.