***Coming from a family with no sons , I 've always wondered what will happen once all of us are married off . I'm not going to leave my parents alone to take care of them selves neither have servants take care of them. It is as much future hubby's responsibility to take care of both sets of parents as it is mine .
Whether that entails moving all of them into one home or living next door to both sets depends on how independant both sets of parents are or how willing they are to move in with the children. However one should consider and make plans for both scenarios , so as to be prepared to work it out when the time comes.***
A girl in our community wanted to have her parents live with her and her husband since they were getting older in age. Yes she had brothers but she was the closest to her parents as she was their youngest and shared a close relationship with them. Her husband was totally fine and supportive about it. His parents couldn't get over it and talked alot behind their backs to people in the community and their relatives. They were not that elderly and sitll lived on their own.. but they were outraged that in the future they "wouldn't be able to live there because HER parents live there". A whole lot of drama and unnecessary conflict arose from it. :( Which is too bad. The whole thing was sad for us when we heard about it.
So sometimes its not even the guy who has a problem with it... he is absolutely fine with it... but then what bout your in-laws... his parents??
I am the eldest of five kids. I have 3 younger brothers and one younger sister. And I know for a fact that my sister and I would luv to have our parents live with us. My parents themselves always say they are lucky that they have 5 kids... they dont want to become a burden on JUST ONE kid... so they would like split their time and live with all of us. We tell them they would never be a burden but they don't listen.
My nani does this- she splits her time between her 4 kids (3 daughters and one son). She could just live with mamu full time. But she doesn't. She is lucky that her son-in-laws are all so luving and accepting of this arrangement.
I hope that my fiance's family is understanding and that my sister ultimately ends up with someone who is understanding as well as their family.
It's the same case with us Sheyn, and my parents have been living by themselves so far, doing well until recently when my father fell really ill and has to finally "retire." At this point, both my husband and sister's husband offered to have them stay with their daughters, but because it is more convenient to have them stay with sis (she's back home), they will be moving in with her. Her husband and in laws are very supportive and said it would be their "honor and privilege" to have my parents stay with them.
This is a real story. So I guess we're lucky...or perhaps my parents are lucky...dunno, but it's a blessing to know that they will not be alone in their old age.
My MIL totally deny taking any support from myself (or my wife) when it comes to $$$. We know she was in need at the time of marriage of my BIL. She finally took loan from her 2 brothers but flatly denied any support form me or my wife (her daughter). I even said k aap loan lai leen jub "BC" nikley gee tu wapus ker dejyee ga but she was like "nahee nahee damad sai naheee" sort of crap. we tried other rout and my wife send her the money from her own savings but wo bhee nahee leya.
I totally believe that if girls parents are in need, guy/girl should help them however they can even if that means asking her to live with them.
thats the whole thing.. as long as girls parents can take care of themselves they are expected to live on their own.. but why its the big No no for the guys parents?
thats the whole thing.. as long as girls parents can take care of themselves they are expected to live on their own.. but why its the big No no for the guys parents?
because this is the way it was. its CHANGING not but at very slow pace.
My MIL totally deny taking any support from myself (or my wife) when it comes to $$$. We know she was in need at the time of marriage of my BIL. She finally took loan from her 2 brothers but flatly denied any support form me or my wife (her daughter). I even said k aap loan lai leen jub "BC" nikley gee tu wapus ker dejyee ga but she was like "nahee nahee damad sai naheee" sort of crap. we tried other rout and my wife send her the money from her own savings but wo bhee nahee leya.
I totally believe that if girls parents are in need, guy/girl should help them however they can even if that means asking her to live with them.
VC
That's nice. My in laws are the same way.. Won't take anything from us but hubz and I know that they don't have much left at this age to support their kids, we contribute to my BIL's tuition.
My MIL kept her own mom when she was ill. She has brother but no one wanted to keep her. Kudos to my FIL for keeping this seriously ill lady for years. Hope my husband is like that too.
My MIL totally deny taking any support from myself (or my wife) when it comes to $$$. We know she was in need at the time of marriage of my BIL. She finally took loan from her 2 brothers but flatly denied any support form me or my wife (her daughter). I even said k aap loan lai leen jub "BC" nikley gee tu wapus ker dejyee ga but she was like "nahee nahee damad sai naheee" sort of crap. we tried other rout and my wife send her the money from her own savings but wo bhee nahee leya.
I totally believe that if girls parents are in need, guy/girl should help them however they can even if that means asking her to live with them.
tou aapnay yeh kahna tha na kay woh loan nahi balkay gift hai humaari taraf say... bhai say loan liya waapis karain na karain koi baat nahi magar damaad say liya "loan" waapis na kar sakain tou???
waisay aagar aap aapnay bhai kayliye aapni amma ki imdaad kertay tou kya "loan" keh ker kertay??
I have seen him taking care of my NANI from my childhood. My mom’s brother was not earning much to support my Nani’s medical and other expenses and my father never raised the eyebrow. He was always there whenever NANI needed him all with his money and personal efforts. I have seen him sitting out of operation theater for whole nights, taking NANI to different doctors, taking her to walk, buying nani her favorite books etc. He is my ideal although I am not 100th of what he is.
tou aapnay yeh kahna tha na kay woh loan nahi balkay gift hai humaari taraf say... bhai say loan liya waapis karain na karain koi baat nahi magar damaad say liya "loan" waapis na kar sakain tou???
waisay aagar aap aapnay bhai kayliye aapni amma ki imdaad kertay tou kya "loan" keh ker kertay??
I did not wanted to mention this but thats what we ended up doing. Gave a big gold set for my BIL's wife to take that off her list but main point was that there are mom with this mentality to ...who just flatly deny to accept any support from "daamad"
Ideally thats what daughter inlaws and sons are for. Hence why every asian family wants 'sons' Son and daughter in law look after sons parents.
Daughter and husband looks after husbands parents.
If you dont have brothers. Im *guessing *your parents wudnt marry you off far away. That would be the most sensible thing to do.
Ideally they should. It is ridiculous for a son-in-law to not extend the invitation to his mother-in-law to live with him if he's housing his mother. Absolutely ridiculous.
is he allowed Islamically to demand a separate residence? When a girl is allowed, why a guy cant demand that?
My dads cousin who is a only child. She lived in Lahore, and got married in Lahore. Always seeing her parents daily. Sadly her father passed away now her and her hubby and 3 kids live with the mum. So shes never alone.
What happens if the girl's parents don't want to move in with her and her husband, even though both of them are are ok with it, as the parents see it as culturally unacceptable to depend on their daughter?
One of my cousins 'back home' got married in jan and her new husband has moved into her family home with her mum and brother, her dad was thrown out tho for having an affair so it could be to stop him from trying to worm his way back.. One of my uncles also lives with his MIL, his wife died last year and cos he's in the army and away a lot he leaves his little boy with her and reasons it makes more sense (his own mum, my grandma is dead), he sees MIL like a mother figure and I guess they look after each other. She has no sons and no husband now, just one other married daughter who lives in the same building but the floor above.. No-one makes any funny comments or anything even tho the setup is a bit strange..
Oh oh how can i forget!? My own aunty and her husband and kid lives with my granny. Well they used to till they got their own place, 2 months ago. But yeah She never even for a week lived with her inlaws. It was like HE left his family n came to us.
