In our culture most times its assumed of the girl to take care of her husbands family, which is great, but why not keep it equal between both parents?
Why is it so out of the ordinary for the couple to move closer to the wifes parents instead of the husbands?
I can’t stand this thinking for the life of me because, I have no brothers and I’m the youngest of two sisters, and my sisters is already married and lives 8 hours away. So in our culture norm I should get married and live near his parents and everyone’s happy.
My question is why is everyone okay with this, and have been okay with it for years?
Just like the FOB guys say “my mother kept me in her womb for nine months and took care of me, now i have to take care of her.”
Well how the hell does that not apply to the girls parents???
My mom's cousin's husband died in a car accident yearsssss ago, survived by his wife and 8 daughters!
5 of the daughters are now married and live in different countries and 3 are still studying and living in hostels. Aunty lives at home alone (with servants).
Mom recently called her and she was saying that her son-in-laws are really really forcing her to come n live with them in their house, that they will not allow her to live on her own, no matter how many servants she owns. But she thought it would be weird and "log baatein karein ge" so my mom was telling her not to care about what people say ....
And I've seen many other son-in-laws who treat the girl's parents as their own.... including my own brother-in-law.... he is a sweetheart and would do anything for my parents Alhumdulillah.
Ideally they should. It is ridiculous for a son-in-law to not extend the invitation to his mother-in-law to live with him if he's housing his mother. Absolutely ridiculous.
Personally I would expect future Mrs Shak's brothers to take care of her Mom (or dad), if the need arises, because as harsh it may sound it is NOT my primary responsibilty. BUT if Mrs Shak has no brothers or if they don't take care of her Mom then yes I would step in.
what does Islam say about this responsibility?
I recall someone telling me that there is a ruling.....something to the effect that it may not be Mr. Shak's primary responsibility but it absolutely is Mrs. Shak's.
Personally I would expect future Mrs Shak's brothers to take care of her Mom (or dad), if the need arises, because as harsh it may sound it is NOT my primary responsibilty. BUT if Mrs Shak has no brothers or if they don't take care of her Mom then yes I would step in.
Well, let me take my words back. I don't think I thought out how I was writing what I was thinking.
No, you don't have an obligation to her parents, technically. And so she doesn't technically have an obligation to your parents either.
However, if she IS providing services for free for your parents, like housing them, taking care of their meals, cleaning their clothes, yada yada, then in return, you should help out her parents, esp. if no brothers in the picture.
In our culture, parents continue to live with kids, because we are not going to put them in a nursing home. Just like YOU don't want future Mrs. Shak pointing to the nursing home for YOUR parents, likewise, if her parents have nowhere else to go, you should invite them to live with you or at least close by.
Last week there was a report on at one of the FM channels about how thirty something percent of irish adults (35+) still live with their parents and it was oh so shocking!!
[QUOTE]
In our culture, parents continue to live with kids, because we are not going to put them in a nursing home. Just like YOU don't want future Mrs. Shak pointing to the nursing home for YOUR parents, likewise, if her parents have nowhere else to go, you should invite them to live with you or at least close by.
[/QUOTE] PCG,
Your point if taken generally is spot on, but I was talking more about me specifically. I will marry when I can afford a place on my own away from my parents' house and so there is no chance of my wife living in a joint house or anything. The only 'service' I'll expect from her is to be polite to my parents whenever she meets them.
So putting that in mind I would expect her brothers to look after her parents and not me. However if a day comes and my mom and dad move in with me (I doubt it as both are working and pretty independent thinking) and she is suddenly expected to take care of them then yes she can turn around and point out to me what you just said and it would be fair enough :)
I'll wait and see if her brothers step in and if they don't then I would have to as they will be my WIFE's parents and the most important people in her life and I would be a joke of a husband if I couldn't do it for her when she needs it! :)
Who said it isn't the husbands responsibility? I really wonder what type of family backgrounds you all come from with these really retarded questions. Its not an issue of culture. Its an issue of humanism. You take care of your parents. When you marry a girl or a guy, their family becomes your family and you are responsible for them as well. This happens in most communities.
People were right when they say when people go abroad they get stuck in decades old mentalities. You guys should really visit Pakistan more often.
thats why they all wants sons, and most parents want those sons to take care of them. it's funny theyre unwilling to change such mentalities. it's all about the image and pleasing people
make sure your girl child understands the importance of having a career of her own, so that she doesn't end up having zero clout after marriage in big decisions like helping out/staying with in-laws, her parents etc.
treat boy or girl child the same, but save up enough to be self-sufficient in old age. don't bother spending your life's savings on kids' expensive tuition or lavish weddings.
Trust me there are wonderful husbands out there who are willing to take responsibility of their inlaws, especially when there are no sons.
I think that if there are no issues between the husband and wife, taking care of wife's parents is usually not an issue. Trouble happens when the marriage itself is sitting on a weak foundation.
