YOu know you have a lot of nerve to say the things you do. You obviously DO underestimate the work a housewife does. The thing is men that think like you (i.e. think that housework should ONLY be done by your women) think that housework is beneath you. If the roles were switched, and you had to stay at home while your wife works, you would realize that you do a lot of labor, and you get VERY LITTLE APPRECIATION FOR IT. this is the crux of the issue and why women get so insulted at these insinuations= Usually, housework is taken for granted and not doing it right gets you nasty comments from the people you love, the ones for whom you do the work. A man's boss may yell at him, but he doesn't love his boss. An example I gave before- wife wakes up before husband, goes to prepare breakfast, and he asks her to iron his shirt, making her late for breakfast. He yells at her for making him late. You think you wouldn't do this but I am pretty sure some people experience this quite often.
Also, Don't think i don't know about working- I am in a very competitive field that requires a lot of work. And you know, when I work, I get hungry and tired, I feel like I've put in a lot of effort. And also, when I have a free day and I spend it cooking, cleaning, etc, so I can give my mom the day off, It is extremely tiring. Standing up and doing work makes you exhausted. Both jobs are exhausting, and in both cases, I feel like I deserve a break. But you would probably think that if your wife was at home, she doesn't deserve a break. Get this through your thick head: Many of the girls arguing here do not minimize office work and probably do not mind doing housework. ALl they ask is that you do not think it is beyond your role as husband to lend a helping hand.
Phew that was quite a rant. So let me see. First, no, housework is not beneath me. If roles were to be switched (that is i was at home and my wife held a job), I would have no qualms in doing ALL of the housework. Since that would by my respoonsibility.
I'm not sure what you are trying to convery the with "loving boss" analogy. If you mean that housework is more exhausting since it involves something you value or love, then please give me a break! are you saying, men don't have passion for thier work? That how men identify themselves! everywhere you go, probably the firstmost qs men geta sked is what do u do for living. So this is just absurd to say that man have no heart involved in their work. And yes housewives do deserve a break and have the man every now and then (meaning not frquently) help them out.
As I have stated many times before, I believe housework and outside work to be equal. Man takes care of outside and woman inside. I think this is a problem with some women these days. They have just become incredibly lazy. They want the man to bring in the money and also do "equal" amount of housework. Which in mind is not acceptable at all.
I 100% agree with snazzy!! It's funny how hubbies demand that their wife be doing housework from 9 am-9 pm 7 days a week. Yeah, working in an office is hard, but I'm sure you aren't working 7 days a week. These are the same hubbies who complain that their wife doesn't workout or that she is too tired for a love life. UHH...Get a clue!!
If you are working 9-5 in the office, your wife is working the same hours at home!! So after hours, it makes sense that BOTH husband and wife contribute.
Why do you girls think your man is going to be a slave driver... I mean wake up before him and iron his shirt, WHAT?
My husband wakes up at 6:45, he has never expected me to make him breakfast or fix his clothes. IF he needed anything done he does it himself or asks me to do it on the weekend.
Since when did housework become rocket science? No, compared to a long frustrating commute, having to leave early in the morning in cold, nasty weather, dealing with a stupid boss and annoying clients, home life is a peace of cake unless you have monster in laws or kids.
If you work full time and/or have kids to take care of, then i understand the frustration..but to say that housework is sooo much harder than paid werk..erm. no. Do the dishes get in the way of you going shopping? is that it? (coz that's what annoys me..gr)
Why do you girls think your man is going to be a slave driver... I mean wake up before him and iron his shirt, WHAT?
My husband wakes up at 6:45, he has never expected me to make him breakfast or fix his clothes. IF he needed anything done he does it himself or asks me to do it on the weekend.
Since when did housework become rocket science? No, compared to a long frustrating commute, having to leave early in the morning in cold, nasty weather, dealing with a stupid boss and annoying clients, home life is a peace of cake unless you have monster in laws or kids.
If you work full time and/or have kids to take care of, then i understand the frustration..but to say that housework is sooo much harder than paid werk..erm. no. Do the dishes get in the way of you going shopping? is that it? (coz that's what annoys me..gr)
AGREE
AGREE
Slightly agree. Housework is just as hard as paid work. the only difference is what u get out of it. from an office job, u get a paychek. from housework, u get appreciation (hopefully). both jobs are done with dedication and loyalty and require good honest hardwork (some mental and some physical).
Sorry YB i think i went a bit overboard. I was in a hurry and had a bunch of stuff I had to do.
With the boss analogy- i meant that a boss criticizing his employee is not the same as a husband criticizing his wife. I did not say it is more exhausting to do housework because it is for something you value/love, I just said that criticism comes from people you love. Wouldn't you be more hurt if you spent the day cooking for your father/mother/brother and then they come home and say, "ughh I can't eat this, it's not cooked well enough" than if your boss says "your report is shoddy, I want you to rewrite it".
You bring up a good point: that men take a lot of pride in their work. Yes but working for him is as much about doing it for his family as it is about doing it for himself - he would still work if he didn't have a family. Housewifes do the work they do almost 100% for their families, and all they ask for in return is appreciation and love. I feel that often housewives do not get the respect they deserve after doing so much. Don't get me wrong, if some woman doesn't want to lift a finger at home or if she is a housewife and doesn't do a majority of the work, she IS lazy.
Just saying you should drop the mentality that just because you work, doesn't mean you shouldn't help- and by help I don't mean doing 50% of the work, I mean not sitting in front of the TV while your wife cleans up after dinner. Simply putting plates in the sink and wiping table while the wife washes pots and dishes sends the message that you want her to be done faster and spend more time with you.
Also, I wonder why you started such a thread because it seems like you already have made your mind who should do the cooking and cleaning.
Given that full time employment = full time housework,
If both are full time employees, housework should be 50:50
If wife is a houswife and husband has a full-time job, housework should be 100:0 (except for changing lightbulbs or removing trash or mowing the lawn etc)
If one is part-time (20hrs/wk) and the other is full-time (40hrs/wk), housework should be 66.6666:33.3333
And so on...
Ok, seriously, just have an arrangement that works for both and in which both are investing more or less equally. In this case, I think a housewife should do a majority of the housework..unfair to expect the husband to come home and take up half the work.
We are having a small gathering at our house today. And my father is making the biryani and baking the chicken and mom is helping him. A few days earlier he made the qorma and nihari while my mom made the saag and sweet dish. During the party........my dad will leave the group of uncles chilling in the living room and he will help my mom with placing the huge trays of food and making/serving the tea to the men.
My dad usually does the cooking on the weekends because he enjoys it. But during the week days, when he is at work, my mom does the cooking. Although there have been times when my dad has come home from work and done some cooking. He also makes chai for my mom in the evening. Both of my parents are excellent cooks and make a great team, MashaAllah.
I hope I'm fortunate enough to get a guy who takes an interest in cooking. In my opinion gender roles are not black and white. Sometimes a husband might have to help with the cooking/cleaning/tending to children if the wife is not feeling well or unable to do it. Both partners need to show flexibility because things aren't always constant in life.
Why do you girls think your man is going to be a slave driver... I mean wake up before him and iron his shirt, WHAT?
My husband wakes up at 6:45, he has never expected me to make him breakfast or fix his clothes. IF he needed anything done he does it himself or asks me to do it on the weekend.
Since when did housework become rocket science? No, compared to a long frustrating commute, having to leave early in the morning in cold, nasty weather, dealing with a stupid boss and annoying clients, home life is a peace of cake unless you have monster in laws or kids.
If you work full time and/or have kids to take care of, then i understand the frustration..but to say that housework is sooo much harder than paid werk..erm. no. Do the dishes get in the way of you going shopping? is that it? (coz that's what annoys me..gr)
Don't be surprised at 1- you have a good husband that appreciates you. I have actually seen it happen w/ some relatives/friends. Kids saying this to their moms. husbands saying it to their wives. It may have been the type of personality of the wives- maybe they gave too much or were pushovers.
I am not arguing about the ease or difficulty of the work. I;m just saying things should not be so black and white.
i just read the first post. i guess if both of the partners have humanity and care for each other. they will reasonably sort it out. if its a hosue wife then she will take it. if they both work, they can take turns, if its a house husband he can bear the load.as long as they dont take each other for granted and consider each other's jobs and chores to be lesser than their own, they'll do just fine.
I 100% agree with snazzy!! It's funny how hubbies demand that their wife be doing housework from 9 am-9 pm 7 days a week. Yeah, working in an office is hard, but I'm sure you aren't working 7 days a week. These are the same hubbies who complain that their wife doesn't workout or that she is too tired for a love life. UHH...Get a clue!!
If you are working 9-5 in the office, your wife is working the same hours at home!! So after hours, it makes sense that BOTH husband and wife contribute.
9 am to 9 pm, 7 days a week? can you please explain to me what in the house takes up 12 hours a day, 7 days of the week? I'm really interested in knowing about this.
Since when did housework become rocket science? No, compared to a long frustrating commute, having to leave early in the morning in cold, nasty weather, dealing with a stupid boss and annoying clients, home life is a peace of cake unless you have monster in laws or kids.
If you work full time and/or have kids to take care of, then i understand the frustration..but to say that housework is sooo much harder than paid werk..erm. no. Do the dishes get in the way of you going shopping? is that it? (coz that's what annoys me..gr)
Reasonable answer
Sorry YB i think i went a bit overboard. I was in a hurry and had a bunch of stuff I had to do.
With the boss analogy- i meant that a boss criticizing his employee is not the same as a husband criticizing his wife. I did not say it is more exhausting to do housework because it is for something you value/love, I just said that criticism comes from people you love. Wouldn't you be more hurt if you spent the day cooking for your father/mother/brother and then they come home and say, "ughh I can't eat this, it's not cooked well enough" than if your boss says "your report is shoddy, I want you to rewrite it".
You bring up a good point: that men take a lot of pride in their work. Yes but working for him is as much about doing it for his family as it is about doing it for himself - he would still work if he didn't have a family. Housewifes do the work they do almost 100% for their families, and all they ask for in return is appreciation and love. I feel that often housewives do not get the respect they deserve after doing so much. Don't get me wrong, if some woman doesn't want to lift a finger at home or if she is a housewife and doesn't do a majority of the work, she IS lazy.
Just saying you should drop the mentality that just because you work, doesn't mean you shouldn't help- and by help I don't mean doing 50% of the work, I mean not sitting in front of the TV while your wife cleans up after dinner. Simply putting plates in the sink and wiping table while the wife washes pots and dishes sends the message that you want her to be done faster and spend more time with you.
Also, I wonder why you started such a thread because it seems like you already have made your mind who should do the cooking and cleaning.
Well well, you think a boss critcism doesnt hurt? Oh how so I wished that was true!! I will be equally hurt if I was criticised my boss, granted I dont love my boss, but I do love my work and thats what the boss is critizing. And I dont agree with your point of man working for himself, if Im married, I will surely be working for my family. And yes, I am open to the hubby out occasionaly with some of the minor chores.
Well, yes, I wanted other folks input on how they viewed the cooking/cleaning responsibility should be handed for a housewife.
9 am to 9 pm, 7 days a week? can you please explain to me what in the house takes up 12 hours a day, 7 days of the week? I'm really interested in knowing about this.
Really? If you're interested, you can come on over to mama's boot camp lol!!!
I get 3 boyz up, cleaned, dressed, fed breakfast, teeth brushed, make and pack lunches, send older 2 off to school. Clean up around house, load dishwasher, do schoolwork with youngest, do laundry. Make lunch for youngest, play with him a bit, do marketing, start dinner, pick up older 2 from school. Do homework with them, make dinner. unload and re-Load dishwasher. Get boys ready for bed, brush teeth, PJs on, tuck them in. then its stick-a-fork-in-me-I'm well done so nite all. That doesnt include dentist appts, doc appts, school activities like PTA and parent teacher meetings yadayada. Dont take this as a complaint here, MY hubby is well aware and very appreciative of all that I do. Its when you have a spouse who thinks you sit around watching soaps and eating bonbons all day that theres a problem.
^so true. even saying you are not runing a house, merely baby sitting, your head hurts at the end of the day. entirely different nature of work, you can hate your boss, bitcch your heart out about him but when its your own child, the emotional responsibility is huge. As my husband never tires of saying, i put up with the load otuside so that the princess can grow and you guard the princess so you are the nuclear scientist. and you got to work miracles.
9 am to 9 pm, 7 days a week? can you please explain to me what in the house takes up 12 hours a day, 7 days of the week? I'm really interested in knowing about this.
my aunt's house. My aunt wakes up at 5 to make lunch for kids, then after they are sent to school, she sleeps a half hour until her husband wakes up and gets ready for work and makes hot rotis and a different fresh lunch for him (desi food, not the same lunch as her kids) to take because he doesn't like "baasi khana". She is also very clean, almost beyond necessity. She takes a half-shower before every prayer to make sure she is clean. then she spends the afternoon praying and reading quran for her kids and husband. She sometimes makes a separate hot meal for the kids after they get home from school. Then she makes something new for dinner which everyone eats at 9pm. She never serves leftovers for dinner. each day, since she's so busy and wants to make fresh food for every meal, she ends up with about 10-15 pots and a pile of dishes, which she will clean until 12 or 1 am if no one helps. but she does take a 2hour nap in the morning. I am not exaggerating AT ALL. this is what I mean by speaking from experience. Maybe the people I've met have just gone above and beyond. Her husband helps her out sometimes, and I think it is totally right of him.
Again, key is being APPRECIATED for the work. the biggest complaint about housework is that it goes unnoticed.
ok well in my family, the women do everything. and its not because they have to..well in some cases the men are just oo damn lazy. my auntie is a full time biochemist, shes very well educated and she cooks and cleans....and does all her housewifey duties...uncle is ok, but shes the front runner in the family.
and you know what, i admire that quality in her. although i get annoyed at lazy men who cant lift a finger, i admire these women who can take care of everything from housework to career.all the women in the fmauly are educated and good at their house and its an admirable quality.
i have a cousin though who is the opposite. she works full time as a lawyer, she has 1 child. and you know what, her mother looks after the kid 5 days a week, while the daughter turns up on weekends to pick her kid up, because shes too tired from work stress...the husband also works. i felt sick when i heard this, i would never have a child and then give him/her away for 5 days of the week and only see them on weekends because of my career.
thats why i admire women who work and do housework, takes alot more patience, virtue, strenght, hosla to do all that, and it takes alot of love. remember that a mans job starts at 9 ends at 5....a womans job never ends....
