Re: Who pays for what?
What do you guyz mean when you talks about 'joint reception'... do you mean men and women together?
Re: Who pays for what?
^ Joint as in one reception thrown by both sides after the Nikah, as opposed to a Rukhsati reception by the girl's side and then a Walima reception by the guy's side
no, joint reception meaning combining two normally separated receptions, like if you have one reception where you combine the shaadi reception with the valima, then that would be a joint shaadi/valima reception. thats what i meant anyways…
bari is simple, thats the stuff that the husband/husband’s family gives to the bride. some peopel make a separate event of this by showing everything that the girl got from her sasural.
mayoon is a bit more difficult to explain…its an event before the mehndi, shaadi and valima where the girl usually wears yellow and little to no makeup. In my family, the women read naats and the girls get mehndi put on their hands. You acn read what wikipedia has to say about it here:
Pakistani wedding - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Also, dont some people call it a maanjha instead, or is that used to refer to mehndis? I’ve heard people in India saying the word maanjhamore than Pakistanis…
In my culture:
Mayun: We don't have it Lafz and Sherni: Girls side (when the girl's side family say yes) Engagement: Girls side (party after saying yes) Mehndi: Guys side Shaadi: Guys side Valima: Guys side Baree: Ofcourse guys side Jahez: Girl bring the stuff, guy does the party .. (like a bridal shower after the rukhsati)
I like your culture :D
hey shay, i think it depends on families, some guy sides are strict in what they actually want to pay for etc but some are open to discussion with the girls side. Obviously u pay for ur own events etc, but we did alot of joint things such as same photographer/videographer/makeup artists etc as its consistent and also cheaper in some cases. but this was possible as we live within 40 mins of each other - so this was easier. My husband paid for the honeymoon and gifted me my mehndi stage as a treat, but i offered to pay for the honeymoon but he said no, but i ended up forcing it upon him cause it was an expensive holiday- and i had chosen the destination lol! but all in all me and my husband paid for 'our sides' of the wedding as we both earn enough and didnt want our parents to pay for it - let them keep it for retirement!
exactly !!! my fiance and i also live lyk 35-45 min. away and were both planning to stick to the same photographer (as there arnt many choices here anyways) the same lady to do my makeup both days.
Then get married to a pathan guy 
Re: Who pays for what?
Thanks for the explanations. So what is Jahez then? We dont do any of this stuff. I have heard of the upton thing before the mehendi, but i didnt know they called it mayoon. This is where the bride puts on yellow haldi **** on her skin, right?
Apart from Nikah and walimah and mehendi, arnt these all Hindu traditions?
Only problem is that Pathans tend to only marry their own. Unless she is a Pathan 
Re: Who pays for what?
engagment.....both sides...
nikha .....gurl....
we dont do mehndiz......juz a small gathering in a house
shadi .....dresses and other stuff from gurls side.....
walima.......everything from guys side.....
jahaiz........gurl side
bari.......guy side.....
muklawa....gurl side........
I dont think its normal for relatives to pay. however ofcourse if the girl's father has passed away then ive heard of mamu's and chachu's covering some costs.
on the other hand, in my case, my parents paid for pretty much everything but all my uncles gave hefty checks cuz i think theres also a tradition that when a girl is getting married, her uncles should help out the bride's parents.
I can't say about the wedding but I know in my extended family in pak, some of them do help out wiht the jahez, like buying a dish set and whatnot..
My mayoun-- my friends paid for it. How cool was that :D
mehndi-- combined I think..but my parents paid for the mehndi on my hands.
baraat-- our side
valima-- their side
muklawa-- (fr those who dn't know, a small function after the valima where the couple goes to the girls' house), we kind of didn't have that but typically the girls' parents pay for it.....
honeymoon (including the plane tickets, hotel room and shopping and eatin out)--hubby
jahez-- my parents
barri -- his parents (both jahez and barri include the jewelery)
The mehndi/barat/valima all include decorations, hall/food, makeup and photography...
I guess miscellaneous costs would be the hotel rooms and car rentals to drive up there, that would be our side as well. =/
jahez is the stuff you get from your family to take with you to your new house, so it can include new clothes, jewelry, shoes, houseware stuff, furniture, you name it!
I dont know, in my family they didnt put ubtan on the bride during the mayoon. Maybe they do in some families? I think more often now, people might just have an ubtan paste, and to keep up the tradition, they might put a dot of this paste on the girl's cheek or something, but I haven't seen anyone (yet) go all out and put it all over the girl's legs and arms and everything, especially in front of the large crowd that's present!
Calling them "hindu traditions" is a bit simplistic...whats an "Islamic tradition?" I mean, most Arab weddings I have seen are just like Western weddings, the brides even wear white dresses strapless/sleeveless dresses like prom gowns with a veil. As far as I know, the mehndi ceremony is also not an Islamic tradition in the sense that its not required as a part of your wedding, its just a cultural thing. Nikkah is obviously required, and then I believe you have to have a valima (or some ceremony after the nikkah) as a sort of proof that you're married and to present yourself as the married couple. This is my limited understanding.
My point is that, in my opinion, there are few traditions that can traced back purely to Islam. Muslims have one religion but come from different cultural backgrounds and I think its important to embrace that too, rather than pretend that we all just never came from India, didn't take anything from that culture and still dont share plenty in common with them, because we did and we do!
Re: Who pays for what?
**We are more like pathans.. the burden is mainly shared by groom's side and we demand heavy Meher.
Engagement- My parents
Nikkah (We would have it couple of months prior to our shadi)- My parents (My dresses on Nikkaha nd engagement, and the jewellery and stuff have been bought by them)
Mayun- we wont have any
Mehndi- They say that don't go for it... We would have a get together of our own relatives only, shared by us ofcourse
Shadi- My parents
Jahez- My parents
Walima- My fiance
Honeymoon- My fiance
Barri- My fiance
The lovely thing is he have to bear the cost all himself, his sister have to do all the shopping on his behalf.
Re: Who pays for what?
Ok, so whats the norm for outfits (and jewellery) for both bride and groom
Engagement
Mehndi
Nikkah
Valima
I know a few people have answered this but what about the rest of you?
Also, what actually happens at the engagement in your family? Is it simply the guy giving the girl a ring? Does the girl give him something? Are there gifts for the rest of the family?
It varies greatly in my family from a small intimate affair at home, with a massive party at a venue, so just interested in others.
I know a few people have ans
Well as far as I know, mehendi is sunnah (but not the tablas, singing and dancing that comes with it), walima and of course Nikah is the "Islamic tradition". Whether people follow it or not is a different matter, but all those others like mayoon and jahez etc are traced back to Hindu origins. Nothing wrong with celebreating them in Pakistan, if you want to, but in my family and I think Pathans in general keep it as simple as possible as one of the Prophet's (PBUH) Hadith states that a marriage shouldnt include explicit events that involve singing and dancing etc etc, or have those that follow Hindu traditions. I guess it all depends on where you come from in Pakistan, in regards to how you celebrate the wedding and what functions you have. None of our culture is a replicate of neither Hindu nor Panjabi cultures. Us Pathans have completely different traditions and events to celebrate a wedding. Men and women are segregated, so the same event is played out twice in different households. You are right about the Arab weddings - i have a video of my Arabs friends sisters marriage and its exactly like you said, but they do segregate, when the bride is wearing sleeveless and is dancing, its done with only females being in the hall. Men are not allowed to be there whilst the women are in that state. When the men come to the hall (towards the end of the night) then there is an announcement to get women to "proper" themselves, i.e put on jackets and scarves. Wearing sleeveless and dancing is of course unIslamic, but i guess people have their traditions. Our traditions are solely based on Islamic traditions and those stated by Hadith. I guess thats why we dont have jahez and all that.
jahez is the stuff you get from your family to take with you to your new house, so it can include new clothes, jewelry, shoes, houseware stuff, furniture, you name it!
I dont know, in my family they didnt put ubtan on the bride during the mayoon. Maybe they do in some families? I think more often now, people might just have an ubtan paste, and to keep up the tradition, they might put a dot of this paste on the girl's cheek or something, but I haven't seen anyone (yet) go all out and put it all over the girl's legs and arms and everything, especially in front of the large crowd that's present!
Calling them "hindu traditions" is a bit simplistic...whats an "Islamic tradition?" I mean, most Arab weddings I have seen are just like Western weddings, the brides even wear white dresses strapless/sleeveless dresses like prom gowns with a veil. As far as I know, the mehndi ceremony is also not an Islamic tradition in the sense that its not required as a part of your wedding, its just a cultural thing. Nikkah is obviously required, and then I believe you have to have a valima (or some ceremony after the nikkah) as a sort of proof that you're married and to present yourself as the married couple. This is my limited understanding.
My point is that, in my opinion, there are few traditions that can traced back purely to Islam. Muslims have one religion but come from different cultural backgrounds and I think its important to embrace that too, rather than pretend that we all just never came from India, didn't take anything from that culture and still dont share plenty in common with them, because we did and we do!
I guess the engagement and mehendi have simple outfits, not that "jazzy" and same with Nikah too. Valima can be a bit jazzy.... jazziest outta all would be the wedding day dress! For me, I like simplicity. I like to have outfits that have had work done on them, but not over the top. For wedding day dress, i like simple/plian dress, with heavy heavy heavy work done on duppatta, extra large in size. Those are nice. I think accessories are important, especially if the dress is simple and can make a whole difference to the look of the outfit.
Ok, so whats the norm for outfits (and jewellery) for both bride and groom
Engagement Mehndi Nikkah Valima
I know a few people have answered this but what about the rest of you?
Also, what actually happens at the engagement in your family? Is it simply the guy giving the girl a ring? Does the girl give him something? Are there gifts for the rest of the family?
It varies greatly in my family from a small intimate affair at home, with a massive party at a venue, so just interested in others.
I know a few people have ans
Ok, so whats the norm for outfits (and jewellery) for both bride and groom
Engagement Mehndi Nikkah Valima
I know a few people have answered this but what about the rest of you?
Also, what actually happens at the engagement in your family? Is it simply the guy giving the girl a ring? Does the girl give him something? Are there gifts for the rest of the family?
It varies greatly in my family from a small intimate affair at home, with a massive party at a venue, so just interested in others.
I know a few people have ans
in our family, the engagement and valima outfits are paid for by the guy's family, and the mehendi and shaadi are events where the girl makes her own outfits.
as for engagements, we do end up having a gathering- sometimes its huge with 200 people, sometimes (as in my case) it was smaller because we don't have much family here. in all cases, they do a little rasm where the mom's put haar's on and feed mithai to the couple, then he gives her the ring. in our case, he put the ring on me. and then after that, my parents gave us matching watches as presents, and mum put those on him and me. then we all ate a really big meal- yay! haha
I guess the engagement and mehendi have simple outfits, not that "jazzy" and same with Nikah too. Valima can be a bit jazzy.... jazziest outta all would be the wedding day dress! For me, I like simplicity. I like to have outfits that have had work done on them, but not over the top. For wedding day dress, i like simple/plian dress, with heavy heavy heavy work done on duppatta, extra large in size. Those are nice. I think accessories are important, especially if the dress is simple and can make a whole difference to the look of the outfit.
ooh sorry I think we've crossed wires here I meant who pays/provides the outfit
Hahaha. OK, oops! Well in my family the girls side usually pays for the wedding dress and the girls pay for mehendi and walima is paid for by guyz. In my case guyz are paying for everything. I am paying for his outfits, for all three, though they didnt want me to, I insisted. For us, the engagement is actually the Nikah and the wedding is set for a later date. Majority of times, though there is no engagemtn period, straight marriage. In Islam, technically there is no engagement, but people follow other traditions, like the Christian tradition of engagement.
ooh sorry I think we've crossed wires here I meant who pays/provides the outfit
Re: Who pays for what?
Yeah I think for our family the engagement signifies the 'baat paki' bit, then on to Nikkah.
Re: Who pays for what?
for me...my engagment outfit was picked and paid by my MIL, and his family will be paying for the shaadi and walima outfit as well. i will pay for the mehndi and outfit. same goes for the jewerly.