shay :) ..exactly the guy typically pays for most of the jewelery..the ring and...doodh pilai..joota chupai...mehndi from their side...and the valima...
*if a family member..or the guy's father gives you a trip to _____ as a gift...what would you say.."no thanks its odd" again..its up to you..and your individual families..
Yeah, I mean noone's saying, the family or relatives are OBLIGATED to give us a honeymoon or something.. it all depends on what they wish to give you.
Re: Who pays for what?
hey shay, i think it depends on families, some guy sides are strict in what they actually want to pay for etc but some are open to discussion with the girls side. Obviously u pay for ur own events etc, but we did alot of joint things such as same photographer/videographer/makeup artists etc as its consistent and also cheaper in some cases. but this was possible as we live within 40 mins of each other - so this was easier. My husband paid for the honeymoon and gifted me my mehndi stage as a treat, but i offered to pay for the honeymoon but he said no, but i ended up forcing it upon him cause it was an expensive holiday- and i had chosen the destination lol! but all in all me and my husband paid for 'our sides' of the wedding as we both earn enough and didnt want our parents to pay for it - let them keep it for retirement!
Re: Who pays for what?
^that's ideal! mA.
Yeah, I mean noone's saying, the family or relatives are OBLIGATED to give us a honeymoon or something.. it all depends on what they wish to give you.
right! it doesnt literally mean they are going to..or have to...its just some families have certain traditions when it comes to who pays for what..and it no way translates into an obligation.....
i think its a given that the money (most of it) comes from the guy's pocket...but they put everything together in a way...that it seems the "guys" side is doing it....
Re: Who pays for what?
^How are your preps going? Where's Naush btw? I heard from her this morning but she's been MIA on GS.
Re: Who pays for what?
awesome Mashallah! almost done! its the little stuff that takes up sooo much time :(
I heard from her this morning too... :)
Re: Who pays for what?
for my shaadi:
mayoon: girl's side
mehndi: girl's side
nikkah: girl's side
valima: guy's side
jahez: girl's side
baree: guy's side
honeymoon: gift from guy's parents
but each wedding in my family was differnt because of the differnt families that the bride/groom were marrying into:)
lol...yea but im sure no guy would have tht much money saved up to be able to pay for his entire valima himself. I kno many guys who just save up to buy their wife lyk a car as the wedding gift the ring and the honeymoon.
the cost of a valima and wedding is tremendous. every little thing adds up. i feel bad for all the parents!!!!
well thats not necessarily true. my husband paid for the whole valima himself except for some jewelry that his father insisted on paying for. even then, my husband paid for the engagement ring himself and flying over half of his khandan from isb to khi and hes only 25, and flying his immediate family from ny to isb to khi and back.
and i think counting the guy seperately from his family is important. cuz the parents of the guys do have savings from working for so many years as opposed to the groom who is spending his own cash and might not have that much in savings since he might only be working for 2-5 yrs before getting married.
Is this what's normally done as per our traditions or what the case was/is in our own specific situations? b/c as far as i know, the only ones who pay are the parents/couple themselves. Relatives or even siblings aren't "supposed" to pay for honeymoons or functions (unless they want to of course).
I dont think its normal for relatives to pay. however ofcourse if the girl's father has passed away then ive heard of mamu's and chachu's covering some costs.
on the other hand, in my case, my parents paid for pretty much everything but all my uncles gave hefty checks cuz i think theres also a tradition that when a girl is getting married, her uncles should help out the bride's parents.
In my culture:
Mayun: We don't have it
Lafz and Sherni: Girls side (when the girl's side family say yes)
Engagement: Girls side (party after saying yes)
Mehndi: Guys side
Shaadi: Guys side
Valima: Guys side
Baree: Ofcourse guys side
Jahez: Girl bring the stuff, guy does the party .. (like a bridal shower after the rukhsati)
since we're talking about costs here, I was thinking of having a small nikkah with close family members and friends but doing a joint shaadi and valima reception. what do you guys think about this? regardless, we would do the nikkah separately and i dont really get the point then of having a separate shaadi function. in my opinion, the valima is always pretty boring anyways (even if it is required)
Re: Who pays for what?
^ i think thats a smart, cost-saving idea! once the nikah is done, the valima/next day reception/baraat/rukhsati/call it what you will is a sunnat. just one event is required, not two.
since we're talking about costs here, I was thinking of having a small nikkah with close family members and friends but doing a joint shaadi and valima reception. what do you guys think about this? regardless, we would do the nikkah separately and i dont really get the point then of having a separate shaadi function. in my opinion, the valima is always pretty boring anyways (even if it is required)
That's exactly what I would like to do for my wedding INSHALLAH..I just don't feel very nice about spending thousands and thousands of dollars on one wedding when so many girls back home don't get to get married just because they don't have enough dough to fund their wedding cost...It's sad!
One of my uncles went for a combined mayun which included only the immediate family members from both sides, nikah and one combined valima/reception...What he actually spent on wedding was under the budget he had set and he donated the rest of the money of the budget to a family which had two daughters who were going to get married...
Re: Who pays for what?
^ your uncle has a big heart!
since we're talking about costs here, I was thinking of having a small nikkah with close family members and friends but doing a joint shaadi and valima reception. what do you guys think about this? regardless, we would do the nikkah separately and i dont really get the point then of having a separate shaadi function. in my opinion, the valima is always pretty boring anyways (even if it is required)
my cousin did this as well, good idea1
what's not a normal protocol?
for someone else to pay for a honeymoon. i think normal protocol calls for the couple or the husband paying for it.
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i know a few couples who've been gifted honeymoons by parents, but yes, its usually a gift, its not an expectation.
since we're talking about costs here, I was thinking of having a small nikkah with close family members and friends but doing a joint shaadi and valima reception. what do you guys think about this? regardless, we would do the nikkah separately and i dont really get the point then of having a separate shaadi function. in my opinion, the valima is always pretty boring anyways (even if it is required)
Go for it if thats what everyone agrees on, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! I am seeing more and more of this these days (joint receptions)
i know a few couples who've been gifted honeymoons by parents, but yes, its usually a gift, its not an expectation.
what i meant by "odd" that i haven't seen it, so its not so normal for me (dont attend that many weddings unfortunately)
by no mean i would reject a gift from my uncles or parents, but i guess that idea is a little different for me cuz my family isn't the type who would be gifting a honeymoon (not that there is anything wrong with that). what i have seen at wedding is $$$ or close family gives gold.
thats all
i would really love to have a small and combined reception too but my guys family wont agree to that...i really wish i could have that...would save tons of my moms money.
Re: Who pays for what?
in our culture and traditions we dont have mayoon or baree... what are they?
I had my Nikah already very very very simple - only his parents. His parents are paying for all my clothes and I am paying for his :)
We have mehendi then we might sign Nikah again and then we have Rukhsati (baraat), then walima and thats it. His parents are paying for everything, my parents are not involved or going to be in the marriage and they (in laws) dont want any money from me.