Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
Love marrages dont work either.
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
you're right, flanders
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
Both are important.
What his family is like and does for a living is important for 2 reasons
a) You're more likely to get along easier with them if they are from the same socio-economic group as yourself
b) A desi marriage is a tie of two families. The families are more likely to get along if they have similar background and experiences
c) You need to be cautious that you don't marry into a family that is dysfunctional since that can put a lot of strain on your marriage.
What the person does for a living is important because you're more likely to get along better with them if they are from the same socio-economic group - you are more likely to share material expectations. The last thing you need is where you consider something to be a neccisity that your spouse considered to be an extravagant luxury.
Both the family and the individual must be taken into account together. I've known the most brilliant, nicest people but who are hampered by having the most screwed up family. And I've known the nicest families but who have the most screwed up adult offspring.
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
So do you think those brilliant and nicest ppl should be stuck with ppl who are as dysfunctional as their parents?
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
Discussing family is one way of finding out about the history and background. In my family we are not concerned about the financial status or position but we sure want to know how many einstiens that genetic code has produced. 
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
I just dont think it should matter if your dad drives a cab for a living or sits in an office all day. Some immigrants come here and although their doctors and whatever else in Pak are forced to do other jobs do put food on the table and a roof over their families heads and put their children through school so they wont have to suffer as they did. So why is that so wrong? Why does that make you a lower class then others because your father/mother doesnt do what you consider a respectable job?
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
And you dont see anything wrong with that picture? Come on Sadz, you are smarter than that.
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
and u know what? just the opposite could occur..ive seen pakis here in canada that come from pinds but after 25 years they make really good money and all that...but honestly, even with all the money and status..they are still the biggest paindus.....
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
Ofcourse the Man in the matter of what he is doing. Family comes in respect to that how respectable and good practising muslim they are. Nothing more I ask 
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
To be honest with you no I dont.
Why should it be wrong that your dad is a cab driver and worked so he could put you through school and now your I dunno some big shot doctor or lawyer or whatever and so now you deserve to marry some loser chic because your dad is not good enough for somebodys family? 
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
Nahi nahi Sadz, dont keep changing the goal post. The picture you painted in the post I was referring to was of a doctor who ended up being a cab driver for the rest of his life, just because he had mouths to feed and provide a roof over his family's head. What I found wrong with that was the reasons of that person for moving abroad. What kind of a self respecting person, become a doctor, and then go to the west and then be a cabbie? It was clearly his greed that took him over there, and that is not some thing I am going to respect.
Look being a cabbie or being a cook are not bad in itself, going to America or UK or Canada is not wrong, if it promises a better future, please note better future . If however you are going there for a useless passport while putting your family on the line then that is a very cheap thing in my books.
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
Look being a cabbie or being a cook are not bad in itself, going to America or UK or Canada is not wrong, if it promises a better future, please note better future . If however you are going there for a useless passport while putting your family on the line then that is a very cheap thing in my books.
i agree with you:)!!
in a marriage btw people living in the west and people living in pak...it's also something to consider...
for example a low social class worker here in the west can make more money than some rather pretty decent job from middle class pakistani...
so i don't think what matters in that case is the money made...but more the social status...cause it reveals more in terms of way of life and interests than money...
BUT i also think that money or social class in a marriage is not more important than the way of life....similar social class have different lives wether they live in pak or in the west.
my boyfriend family is from same social background as some of my family..though far more poor, yet they do have facilities, like servants, that most of our family here in the wes can't afford:d...and a way of life that our family lost long time ago...with industrial developpment:D
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
I think you should look at what the guy does himself, his goals and aspirations. Sometimes when the guy's father is very successful in business for example he wants his son to take over. The family may pressure the son to follow dad's lead even if he doesn't want to. A very successful father could produce a son who is not motivated and doesn't have his heart in anything. I wanted a husband who had a passion..no matter what that was. He could be a mechanic who had a dream job of fixing cars. One of the most admirable qualities of a man is one who has a great work ethic in order to provide for his family. A man who takes pride in his work no matter what that is. It's unfortunate that our Desi culture materialistically values doctors and engineers above everything else.
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
totally agree with u saima..thats my brother...my dad wants him to take over the family business..and i dont think thats what he wants to do with his life...but hes doing it..
my hubby is alwasy saying he wants to be this..wants to be that..practially every couple of months he wants to be somehting...hes realy good with car mechanics and stuff..i alwasy tell him to do somethign he loves...(right now he works for my dad.and doesnt really like it.....)
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
Look being a cabbie or being a cook are not bad in itself, going to America or UK or Canada is not wrong, if it promises a better future, please note better future . If however you are going there for a useless passport while putting your family on the line then that is a very cheap thing in my books.
Well im sure you know many people which had respectable jobs in Pak but then came here and are doing something else, driving a cab or whatever. Some dont have a choice, their old, have a family to provide for and its too late for them to go back to school so they can be up to par with Canadian or American standards you know?
I dont think I said anything about a doctor becoming a cabbie I was actually saying that the cabbie has a son who is a doctor and does that son deserve to marry some pandoo chic just because of his fathers occupation?
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
I think family is more important than the actual couple...the girl should make sure she checks out the MIL and the boy should make sure the girl's dad has enough money to support the couple. Am I missing something?
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
Why is her dad supporting them? isnt that the husbands job?
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
I think queen's pani has gotten to you. This kind of thinking will never get u a husband, let alone a Pakistani husband. Better start looking for Kalay or Goras.
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
What the man himself is made up of, his thinking, and yeah to some extent what he does for a living. But only because there are certain kinds of careers I wouldn't want him to pursue.
His family is important because they're essentially a part of him, and he is the kind of person he is today partly because of them. But having said that, there are many who have a strong sense of individuality inspite of having strong family ties.
Re: Which is more importat? What the man you marry does for a living or his family?
Hmm ashley, my dad was a criminal lawyer here in pak, and when he came to US, he did the typical immigrant jobs, deli, dishwasher, gas station etc..he dint have time/money to take the courses n start all over education-wise because he had to send money to my mom and dadi..he went on to own the deli, sold it, started construction company, was building homes.. worked for mayo’rs office building homes for disabled ppl as well.. When eh moved back to Pak to build his chicken farm, i asked him why not go back to law, he said im not interested in it anymore..Im pretty sure it wasn’t greed that fueled his moving to US.. even tho he didnt go down the career path he intended when studying in PUnjab university, he still provided well for all of us and still does 
Immigrants work hard all their life so that their kids can become something, like the cabbie with a doctor son..maybe things were different back then, there was no chance for a decent life in Pak but now I think if u can have a gud education, good career here, then why go abroad and start over frm scratch?
It is important that the guy comes from a decent family background, because your kids are going to be half of them, esp if in a joint system, ull be surrounded by susraal..I think its rather pathetic that the family is educated whereas the kids a loser, like the examples given above..
Career/money is not the only deciding factor in finding a good spouse, looks health, iman, personality, everything matters