So, I met a guy through a matrimonial site around 7 months back. We both live in the same country. He says he wants to marry me. What he is waiting for is when i would talk to my parents about him. According to him, his family knows about me though I am yet to talk with any of his family members. But what confuses me is that, he sometimes sounds weird. Like, he is very much a miser. He rarely calls me and usually ask me to call him He sometimes asks me to give him gifts (though not always, rarely only) though on my birthday recently, he didn’t give me any gifts though i didn’t expect anything either. He tells me he got settled career-wise much early in life when he was 22 yrs old, and now he is 30 yrs old, so i wonder, since he has been secured financially and career-wise much earlier in life then why isn’t he married yet, though his brother, who is 3 yrs younger than him got married before him. So I wonder if he was married before or had engaged/relationship before He tells me that, once my parents know about him, then i have to convince my parents that he is a nice guy,and he would keep me happy,etc so that my parents should tell yes to him, so i thought, since he says he is so good,etc, then why would i tell my parents like this? Won’t they find these things out themselves when they would be checking him out? I once asked him to give his office name and location because my brother wanted it, so he was showing reluctance to provide them because he started saying like, why my brother wanted that, to investigate on him? So, I am confused that, why is he reluctant about it if my brother or anyone wants to investigate on him? Does that mean perhaps there are things which he is hiding? And he tells me that, once married, we would settle down in U.S. and my friends tell me to be careful of people like this who take you away to another country after marriage, and that also to live alone without family, as, they may make you do bad/wrong things after marriage
Moreover, what i wonder at times is that, why has he been waiting for me to talk to my parents, since he says he keeps on proposals from other girls? Why didn’t he choose to move on? Does that mean he has genuine feelings for me? and according to him, he has declined many proposals just for me
So, how do I find out if he is a good person? Or above are just my doubts/fears?
This is the point where you need your parents to step in and speak to his family - I understand your concerns and you have a right to find out whther he will be able to support you financially.
If he says he wants to marry you, then he won't mind starting the whole rishta process.
Sorry but he isn't a great match from what you are saying.. especially him asking you to call him back thing, when you are both in the same country.. and not taking the first step..
Have you met him in person.. Maybe you need to get your bro and him to meet with you there to understand what is going on.. why is he hiding things.. ?
There are LOTS of red flags! Involve your family and his family immediately and have the guy thoroughly investigated. Only if and when your family is satisfied should you even consider marriage as a next step. But guys in a relationship like this do not ask women for gifts and they should have no problem sharing their work information.
U need 2 involve ur family in it n plz do full investigation n if he asks thn say yes v want 2 do investigation if he is honest n understanding he l b fne wth it lese u know wht 2 do? by career wht is he have u asked IT , engineer, doctor wht u must know these things n has he got any job offer from US? u ahve 2 check each n every detail before making any decision n plz dont make desion urself as he says 2 convince ur parents......... parents always make correct decision just let them be completely satisfied
Don't get your family involved, he just doesn't seem to be worth it. If you do, and everything checks out to be fine (which I highly doubt) then you will may still have some issues to deal with, like his mentality.
Red flag red flag. Come out. -He asked you for gift. NO decent fella would ever ask a girl for a gift.
-He is very fishy when comes down to proving his employment.
-He asked you to vouche for him in otha words fight for him.
-I do not know him but he sounds like douche bag.
Ya can do better.!
Sorry OP i am saying this and sounds mean to ya probably but he is not end of the world. You can find better people. These clues are given to ya so you can learn from them. Include your elders and your brother. If not then say bye!.
Agree, Your parents will be aghast at your selection for a future spouse ..
Don't get your family involved, he just doesn't seem to be worth it. If you do, and everything checks out to be fine (which I highly doubt) then you will may still have some issues to deal with, like his mentality.
rpetal: i believe he is hiding something. it looks cheap to me asking gifts from gal. any decent guy will never forget bday of his gal pal. and in your case, he should send you some gifts either your expect or not. please do investigation, but in my opinion, you will waste your time. you could find another good proposal.
I don’t understand why you’re even "wondering " all these things about him? It’s pretty obvious that this is more of a one-sided affair.
You both don’t have regular communication. He should WANT to keep in touch with you…he should call you and reciprocate communication/consideration…but he’s not. Can’t have a relationship where the other person isn’t reciprocating.
Actions speak louder than words. If he really believes that he’s that great…then he SHOULD be able to convince your parents himself that he’s such a good catch.
^Actually…I wouldn’t even want it to reach the stage where parents get involved. You’re seeing so many problems with him…are all the other guys in the world dead? You don’t have to do everything he tells you to do. You can choose to develop some respect for yourself…have some standards…and wait for a much better guy…as opposed to settling for a wishy-washy character. If he was that interested in being with you…especially in wanting to marry you…he’d be more involved/active…and you wouldn’t be the one chasing after him. Your post is disturbing not only because of how shady this guy seems…but also because YOU’RE still consindering the loser. Farima’s Hindu boyfriend is more involved than this guy. Move on.
Well sorry but there is no rocket science needed here to solve this issue! Ask him to send his parents over for your rishta and let your parents decide if he is worth it or not if you havent yet been able to figure it out on your own .
He sometimes asks me to give him gifts 
He tells me that, once my parents know about him, then i have to convince my parents that he is a nice guy,and he would keep me happy,etc so that my parents should tell yes to him, so i thought, since he says he is so good,etc, then why would i tell my parents like this? Won’t they find these things out themselves when they would be checking him out? I once asked him to give his office name and location because my brother wanted it, so he was showing reluctance to provide them because he started saying like, why my brother wanted that, to investigate on him? So, I am confused that, why is he reluctant about it if my brother or anyone wants to investigate on him? Does that mean perhaps there are things which he is hiding? And he tells me that, once married, we would settle down in U.S. and my friends tell me to be careful of people like this who take you away to another country after marriage, and that also to live alone without family, as, they may make you do bad/wrong things after marriage 
Move on.