Where to draw a line???

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Where to draw a line???

Did I say that?

22

Re: Where to draw a line???

you changed your post, i shouldnt quote the original one then

my question was related to being dependant, can parents live with his son if they pay him well enough, considering that the only dependency is the financial burden?

23

Re: Where to draw a line???

Our religion makes it an obligation for every believer to behave affectionately with their parents, period. And, gone are the days when there had to be only one person to have all the emphasis and burden or earning. And obviously if you maybe refering to the "only" son who has to take complete care of the expenses of the parents as well as his family, that is an exception, and that even highlights the emphasis put on the son to take care of their parents, or who else would?

In general there are two, or three sons, so its very very manageable for each to acknowledge their responsibility and obligation towards their parents. we can include the earning hand daughters here too, they have an equal obligation to look after and support their parents, why not? if every child is paying a reasonable share, there is no need the parents of the earning children should be working even if they are healthier and fitter then their children. why should we forget it was them who nursed us and took care of us when there was no one else to do the job, least we ourselves. That everyone should pay their share can be a western proclamation, but here in desi society, even it be the society pressure, we children identify it as our primal obligation to take care of parents and never shun them once we can earn. Now that everyone should be adult enough to maintain a balance is their personal job.

24

Re: Where to draw a line???

P.S: its not even practical for ONE person to support two families alone, at present times. most wives are already helping their husbands working and i think a wife should facilitate and ease the financial responsibilities of her husband even if he doesnt have TWO families to support.

25

Re: Where to draw a line???

I would've thought about not supporting parents if they had kicked me out at age 18 and didn't support me............... if they did.......its my obligation to do that in return.......heck i would support anyone who did half of what parents do for their children...........anyone who doesn't is very selfish and thankless person............

26

Re: Where to draw a line???

the point i am trying to make, deeba is if you are ok with sending parents to old home on their own retirement money, then you should be ready to accept it as your future as well - it might be very easy to say ok fine today, but when you get old life and living is a hell of different

Nomi mentioned a good example, basic instinct says if i am treated like that, i would treat em the same way ...

27

Re: Where to draw a line???

:k: you just said that brov.

28

Re: Where to draw a line???

Yeah, it's a tough one.. I love my parents to bits but at the end of the day there needs to be balance..

29

Re: Where to draw a line???

I've NEVER said I'd send my parents to a retirement home.. I said if they are ok to work and are fit and healthy and need money they should.. If they aren't they are welcome to come and live with us.. Like I said before I can't see why it's so black + white for some ppl?

And as religion has been brought into it.. You have just as much of an obligation to your wife and family as your own parents in terms of financial support.. and the joint family is not encouraged unless there's a real need (but that's a whole different thread)..

30

Re: Where to draw a line???

It's not so black and white. I know a couple....where the wife's parents lived with them. I don't know many arrangements (only 2 come to mind) where the husband is okay with the wife's parents living with them and supports them. Anyhow....the woman's father developed Alzheimer's ....and could no longer be cared for in their house (and they tried). They had to place him in a setting where he could get professional treatment...and that in itself can be seen as having care/love for one's parents. Again, there is some gray area.

31

Re: Where to draw a line???

I believe that children should out of love and appreciation return the same care and affection to their parents. BUT, there is a line to be drawn.

Parents cannot think that their son (or daughter) should be providing a lavish lifestyle for the parents and the unmarried (and I've heard of in some cases, married) siblings, while the son and his wife and children go without. If parents are capable of working, why shouldn't they work as well if having multiple incomes makes life easy for everyone? I think the concern and even the very idea of drawing a line comes when a guy is helping to financially maintain two households. If his parents were living with him - they would eat what he ate and live the same lifestyle he has. But when you're maintaining two households - that truly is double the expense and not easy for anyone to do.

32

Re: Where to draw a line???

^^^what you are not getting is - in the name of balance you are not giving what the parents truly deserve

33

Re: Where to draw a line???

Even then if you live in the West you're likely to struggle paying for two families (esp taking into account how large some desi families can be lol).. I just can't see the logic in anyone not working and relying on other ppl if they could go out and earn themselves.. That goes for parents and kids.. I don't want to see my parents depend on anyone as I don't think it's healthy - for them or us..

34

Re: Where to draw a line???

so if the parents live in the same house (same lifystyle as son) thats a problem....
if parents live separately ........ thats also a problem...

i think you women lot need to come out of a typical DIL mentality and look at things in a broader perspective.........

35

Re: Where to draw a line???

You seem to be more obsessed with the typical DIL mentality more than the DIL's and unmarried women themselves. It's like there's some sort of khauf within you that women cannot think about things in a rational manner and will only adopt an emotional and impulsive perspective.

I haven't gone through the whole thread. And yes, I do believe that children should strive to return the same compassion and affection to their parents. However, in Islam there is a system of checks and balances. Kids have rights over their parents. Parents have rights over their kids. A husband and wife have rights over one another. There should be flexibilty and compromise from all parties....but when a balance is severely disturbed and one's rights are infringed upon...it hurts relationships. That's just common sense.

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Re: Where to draw a line???

And what do the parents deserve? I think parents deserve love, respect, care and physical and financial support - but balanced support so that no one in the family goes without.

And let's look at the example of the 47-year old dad who retired so his son can support him. Is this dad working so he can financially support his own parents or does he expect his son to support the grandparents as well? What happened to a "son's" obligation here?

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Re: Where to draw a line???

.

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Re: Where to draw a line???

its not obsession…its observation… there is no ‘khauf’ about women thinking rationally…in fact i would like to see that… but its u folks who always say…“oh..us women are emotional…” :hehe:

39

Re: Where to draw a line???

It's a closed-minded and very biased observation. It's an aik aankh band wali observation.

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Re: Where to draw a line???

same can be said about any observation :)