Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

Lifestyle Relationships
81

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

I think you should consider that your MIL doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable in the house. Perhaps she even feels a bit guilty for leaving you given the circumstances, and so is asserting it's your home in order to make sure you don't feel like you have to leave.

As another poster said, stay at your parents if that's what you prefer, but come by regularly for company/help/etc as needed.

82

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

the discussion here is quite interesting and valid..
I don't know HOW to make them know that its not my duty to take care of them..it is only their sons. im the son's wife. im there to take care of him, not his parents. if I voice such opinions I will be a witch. I disagree with these social doubl standards.

This is the mere reasons why inlaws relationsip is aways bad.

83

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

in laws are quite loving and caring, but i find such demands too much, how can they expect me to be a part of their family and leaving behind mine? their son didn't do anything of that sort.. why am i asked to do it?
I respect them, love them for their caring.. but they cant overstep..
i need you all to help me communicate this to them... in a nice way so im not upsetting anyone. because i dont want to start wars in the start.

84

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

I would get your husband to explain to them that in islam it is the kids duty to look after parents not the daughter in laws as it is thought in Pakistan. And also the fact that FIL and BIL are na-mehrams it isn't right and you wouldn't feel comfortable on your own as there will b no other females. If you say it, it will make you look bad, it would be different if they were very religious and understood this themselves.

As I said before my husband didn't leave me the inlaws for the 1 night he was away when we visited Pak, I didn't even ask him not to stay there, he decided himself as he knew I wouldn't b comfortable, he is quite religious but not o he extreme.

Why is your MIL going? It would have bin different if was there or if you had bin married longer and it was your home, but it's a new place and surroundings for you, so I find it quite weird.

85

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

I asked around my family after seeing this thread and no girl's inlaws want their bahus to stay with them if their son isn't there. Ulti khichari. I guess we're all nuclear families and nobody wants to regress back to a joint family system. Mils need their space too.

And to the op, people get super defensive if you bring up Islam. No one likes to be told what's right or wrong so tred with caution before bringing up these points.

86

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

My in laws came to live with me (from Pak) for a month right after my wedding, while hubby had to leave to work abroad. He came home on weekends. I was expected to stay with in-laws while hubby was not there. Reading all these responses, maybe I should have stayed with parents and just visited in laws when hubby came home???

87

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

Since there is no other female at your in-laws place, you should primarily stay at your parents and can visit your in-laws over the weekend.

it seems like you are newly married so hopefully your hubby will be more understanding that you wont feel comfortable living there. Talk to him

88

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

Nnabid. This is different as your inlaws came to stay with you, it would have looked odd if u left your own home to stay with your parents while they were visiting.

89

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

If people has suggested that HALLS is the cure for sore throat, it does not mean HALLS is cure for fever too. Just saying…

:chai:

90

Re: Where does one stay if your husband is out of town?

Based on your original post, I'm not sure what "demands" you mean or why you feel the explanations are necessary -- perhaps this is part of a larger, problematic trend you're noticing. But why can't you just say:

"Thank you! Of course this is my home. You have always made sure I feel that way. I will be spending the next few days/weeks/etc at my parents', but I will come back to check on you. And if there's anything you need, anything I need to pick up or do, just let me know." Make sure they have all the necessary contact info. Give them a call every few days. And are there household tasks you're normally in charge of (bills? pickups/dropoffs? doc appointments? meals? etc) If so, just make sure you organize how these things will be taken care of while you're away.

Try not to keep painting yourself as a victim or turning every statement into an offense. You'll make your life much easier.