Where did I go wrong ?

[Mirch]

@amana

I always invite my kids’ friends and lab partners over, it’s how I keep tabs on them (sneaky sneaky). I learn more “overhearing” their conversations than I ever would by just talking to them every night. I also know their friends very well because of this.

LOL , more often if a kid want to go to other kids home. I tell my kids to invite them over instead . The reason being I could observe (sneakily) what are they talking about or what are they doing. So far so good.

@gulab_jamun

Is it the mere fact, that they have prohibited their child from visiting your child at your house?

Have they said something to your personally that your were offended by?

Did they something behing your back that you overheard?

They are trying to shun my kid from the community. One of the pair of brothers told me that this uncle told his mom not to let her kids hang out with my kid as he is a bad influence due to the fact that I let my son invite his female classmates to my home.

@gulab_jamun

Indeed, but I am just merely trying to evaluate what makes a person snooty, with a “holier then thou” attitude"… i mean if it involves backbitng, and shunning someone then I do believe that Mirch has very valid points…

Please refer to the lines I typed above.

@redvelvet

Also…how does Mirch know that the other parents KNOW that girls came over to his home? Did the kids of the other parents tell their parents, “Mommy/Daddy…Mirch Junior had girls over at his house.” ??? Is that how the other parents found out?

Because let’s assume that the “other parents” came to visit Mirch and saw that his son was hanging out with some girls at home. In a situation like this…the “other parents” shouldn’t make such a big deal because they should realize that MIRCH, THE FATHER…is at home to supervise his own son and his activities.

HOWEVER…if the “other parents” NEVER saw the girls at Mirch’s home…then how do they know about this? The only way the “other parents” could find out is IF their OWN kids are telling them about what goes on at Mirch’s home. OR…it’s possible that Mirch’s son told those kids that “My dad is cool with letting me bring girls to the house.”…and this comment became misinterpreted/blown out of proportion by those kids and their parents.

ALSO…how does Mirch know that those “other parents” think that his son is a bad influence. It is because maybe one day Mirch’s son asked his friends to come over to his house…and those friends told him that “Nah, dude, I can’t come over to your house. My parents say that I’m not allowed to cuz you bring girls to your home.”

For some reason the kids from other Muslim families love to hang out with my kids . They all go to same schools and same classes so surely they talk with each other. It is a small community and small city so every Muslim family and every Muslim kid know each other.

@NYCGori

BIG time. This is why the thought of having a daughter sorta scares the hell out of me–how to raise her with character, morals, etc., while giving her the freedom to become a fully-realized person—and defend her from society’s BS all at the same time.

I have a daughter too who is turning 9 this year. We have celebrated many of her birthdays and we have many parties for her friends from school but she never ever invited any boy to these parties. She used to hang out as a baby till she was 5 with boy of that uncle whose mannerism is in question in this post. But then she found some girls in the neighborhood and started to hang out with them.

I or my wife never imposed any restriction on her but I think she knows what kind of parameters Islam and desi community and desi parents impose on boys and girls. She has Muslim girls as friends and I am sure they talk to each other about all these norms they are supposed to follow as Muslim girl
In her teen years I am going to tell her the same thing which I told my son when he started his high school . It would be her decision to bring boys home to do school projects or not. My own feeling and observation is that girls are more sensitive than boys , as to how others perceive or think about them.

@NightVision

Mirch, you are wearing the pants in your family and there is no reason an uncle should tell you the ethics to raise your kids. The liberty you have given to your son is running on a very very thin line, so you have to keep a very close watch so the things don’t get out of your hand and takes an ugly turn…

LOL , when my son starting high school he asked me would I get him a cell phone I told him I will get him a cell phone and a hat with webcam fitted in it so that I could see all the time where he was and what he was doing. He laughed his heart out at that comment.

@McPendo

Not exactly cages but women are “looney” thats what i heard from my mullah because they are made from a rip of Adam and because ribs are twisted therefore women are also a bit on the other side:) roflmao!!! Thats why contact should be limited otherwise women will drive men insane!

You are going to be a very lonely man my friend for a very long time.

@redvelvet

^ You should sooooo use your Mullah’s ideas as a pick-up line. I have not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that you will score more women than you can handle.

“Hey loony baby…you’re as twisted as my rib…and I want you just as close to me.”

@Straight_up

Out of curiosity: Mirch, is your daughter also allowed to have male classmates over for academic purposes or go to their houses for school work?

See my comments about that above.

@Croquet

i must say i agree with you. mirch you have specific preferences and others have their own. i was brought up in exactly opposite manner. my parents sent me to an all girls school. i will probably make the same rules with my children and i will tell them to avoid the company that might tempt them to alter. does that mean i am wrong? or does that mean i rate people with your views as immoral? not necessarily, it jsut means that i have my preferences and i want to establish those in my home.

Yes we learn a lot from our parents. My parents were not strict but they had defined boundaries for us brothers and sisters so that is what I learned I guess. They surely taught us what is right and what is wrong and we followed those norms to the core growing up.